Thursday, October 24, 2013

Trying to stay positive when the world’s being a bitch



No my friends, it’s not your imagination: folks really be crazy right now.

From this past Oct 21st  until November 10th, you might notice an increase in assholes, gossips, douchebags, bitches and passive aggressive assailants. And in all honesty, you might feel like one too.

Why? Because the Universe is running ass-backwards and you, my darlings, have entered into the world of the dreaded Mercury Retrograde. 

If you have no idea what I mean, then gather ‘round for today’s science lesson…. 

You see, all the planets move in the same direction around the sun, each at a different rate of speed. Our orbit takes 365 days while Mercury is only 88 – which means, approximately 4 orbits of Mercury around the Sun equals 1 Earth year.

Three (sometimes four) times a year, Mercury appears to slow down, stop, and then move backwards. Why? Because Mercury is traveling faster than Earth, and it periodically catches up and then passes us by. When this happens, it looks like Mercury is traveling backwards or  “retrograding.” Eventually it will appear normal again - as though it’s moving forward. 

Retrogrades lasts about three weeks and during this time when Mercury is taking its turn, crazy things happen in relation to communication, technology, transportation, and our own emotions and intellect. We may experience problems with self-expression, vehicles, squabbling, travel and technology. We tend to lose things, send texts to the wrong people, realize bills haven’t been paid online, make inappropriate comments, and lose important computer files. There seems to be more gossip, minor accidents, long lines of impatient people and delays in travel. We may feel confused, foggy, frustrated, impatient, irritable and even angry – sometimes for no reason! And while many of us may feel a little off, there are a few that tend to go bat-shit crazy!

So here we are, fellow Earthlings – in this retrograde together. It’s effecting our emotions, our partnerships, and how we treat each other. We are all on a collective emotional roller coaster, and if we’re not careful, we just may make a decision now that we’ll regret once this planetary curse runs its course.


So what do we do?  First, identify the myriad of issues that could surface during this time, such as:

              There might be communication issues. Does it seem like you’re playing a lot of phone tag, or you can’t get a message to someone when you need them? Maybe information is getting messed up as it travels from one person to another, or emails are not being received. Be sure to double check all communications – especially if it’s important – and it’s best to avoid gossiping at this time, as it might come back around to bite you in the ass.

         Are you feeling frustrated, anxious or frazzled?
These problems often arise from our bungled travel plans, sputtering vehicles, buggy devises, and all the delays and long lines that slow us down. Keep an eye out for crazy drivers, accidents, and bad directions. Also back up all your computer files and leave out early in case you’re delayed.

               Do you feel like a spaz? Maybe you keep losing things, your brain seems foggy, you are forgetting tasks, or you can’t seem to get your work done. You may also feel clumsy, unfocused, and indecisive. Yep, it could be Mercury. And if you suddenly have a bout of insomnia – oh yes.. it might be the the fault of this mighty planet. If all this is new or exaggerated, give it a few weeks. It might go away.

          Are the people in your life driving you crazy? Do they seem quarrelsome, angry, or frustrated? Maybe they’re suddenly unreliable, irritable, or instigating bizarre fights for what seems like no reason? Wait it out. Their insanity might be temporary.

                 Are you walking down memory lane? Suddenly feel an urge to find that long-lost third grade boyfriend and trade in your current love? Put that on hold till after November 10th. There’s a good chance you’ll end up regretting that decision.



Now that you are keeping an eye out for the potential problems, it’s important to keep everything in perspective. There is a chance it’s just the mischievous Mercury causing issues, and the issues will resolve themselves sometime after the 10th of November. So if your BFF is acting all bitchy and hurtful, take a wait-and-see attitude. If they continue to be a bitch after the 10th, then you know it’s them and not a planetary influence. Or if you suddenly decide to break up with your life partner because they looked at you a little funny, postpone your decision until after the 10th to see if that desire subsides. Lastly, if you feel like you’re in a rut and need a change, it’s not the best time to chop all your hair off, quit your job and become a full-time artist.

Trust me.


What else should you avoid doing at this time? 
1.      Don’t sign important documents, buy a new computer, appliances, TV or vehicle.
2.      Don’t rush. Drive, speak and travel slowly. Always have a back-up plan.
3.      Don’t make any important life decisions (break ups, buying a house, starting a new job, marriage, filing a lawsuit, going on a blind date, etc.)
4.      Don’t take anything for granted. Express gratitude.
5.      Expect long lines, lots of change, small mishaps, and catty people. And know that all of this will soon pass.

So now that you’re good and scared, what are some POSITVE activities to engage in while you’re riding this crazy wave? Well, believe it or not, there’s quite a few. It’s actually the perfect time to do the following:  

                 Get reacquainted with old friends. You may notice bumping into old friends that you haven’t seen in years, or getting a Facebook friend request from a person you were recently thinking of. This is a wonderful time to seek out friends yourself, and possibly turn an old chum into a new chum.      

           Bury the hatchet.
Have a relationship that needs mending? This is the perfect time to forgive and forget. And after the 10th, continue the forgiving and forgetting.

                  Finish those projects! Complete projects you’ve put on the back burner, or tie up loose ends with people, contracts, or tasks you’ve been procrastinating.

                  Get organized! This is the perfect time to clean out your closet, give your home a thorough cleaning, move around the furniture, or wash all your rugs, curtains, blankets and carpets.

                  Anything with “re” as a prefix. Reapply for that job, review your bank account, reread those contracts, research your family tree, repair your car, recheck your travel plans, and redo your hair color. And most importantly, relax and pamper yourself!


So what’s the best advice to get you through this cautionary tale? Basically it’s this: shit happens. And it’s going to happen to you, and to your friends, and to everyone around you. Laugh at the cosmic joke and try not to take everything personally. Use this crazy time for good and focus (all that you can) on finishing projects and slowing down. Pay attention to your surroundings, and forgive those who trespass against you. Just because the world is crazy doesn’t mean that you have to succumb to it too. Perhaps, instead, you should put your energy into random acts of kindness and improving your karma. Once the 10th passes and the world is right again, it’ll come in handy… ‘cause most likely, you pissed someone off too.


Thanks for listening!

~ Terri Jean

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