Thursday, December 12, 2013

Lipstick and Letters: "You are good enough!"

Dear Becca on your18th Birthday,

It was so hard to pick an age to write to you at. You will go through a lot of rough stuff in your life. I wish I could write you a cheery letter about how everything will be better if you just do one thing different but I can't. What I can do is give you some advice to help you get through it. I know you feel hopeless now, but hold on.

First, your parents. Your mom loves you so much. When you are nervous about telling her things that you may discover about yourself, don't worry, she'll love you anyways.

Dad sucks and he's emotionally abusive. There's no getting around it. Just know that he's wrong. You do have value, and you do have worth. He doesn't control your life! He's also the reason you're frightened of the dark. In a few years, your uncle will admit that he thinks Dad molested you when you were really little. Thankfully, I still can't remember, so I'll never know for sure, but unfortunately the facts fit. I'm sorry to have to tell you.

Take your time to process, but eventually you have to forgive him. What dad did was very wrong, but you have to give it to God, or else it will eat at your soul until you do.

Speaking of which, God loves so very very much! I know what you were taught, but it's wrong. God loves all of us, no conditions. Nothing you can do will distance yourself from God because we don't work our way up to Him. He comes down to us. Don't ever let anyone tell you God doesn't love you!

When you first start college and you feel really lonely, stick it out. In a few weeks you will meet the best friends of your life. Trust them. Rely on them. They really do love you. They will be there for you in the hard times for the rest of your life.

If someone tries to sleep with you and you don't want to, FIGHT! If you say no and they don't respect that, feel free to punch, hit, etc and make them listen! Rape doesn't always start out with someone forcing you. Sometimes you might be kissing or touching each other and then when you tell him to stop, he doesn't. That counts as rape too. You were not asking for it just because you were being intimate.

Speaking of sexual matters, if you decide to have sex, it's okay. It doesn't make you a slut. I will suggest, however, that you only do it with someone you love. And eventually you're going to start to notice that women are attractive. That's okay too, I promise.

When it gets too tough, please please please, don't try to kill yourself. There are people who love you and you are worth living. You are smarter, stronger, and more faithful than you realize. I promise. Seek out a mental health specialist that you can trust (and don't be afraid to shop around until you find one you do trust—not all of them are good.) There's no shame in asking for help! And stop cutting yourself. You do not deserve to be punished! You are good enough! You are a child of God, and you have worth!

-Becca, Age 28

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