Starter Quests Are the Worst! (Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Newbies)

By Keelah Monster Cosplay (Formerly Tali'Belle)

No matter what your goal in the cosplay community or any alt scene for that matter, it pays to be nice. Better to be a Margaery than a Cersei, after all if you intend to be queen. When people like you, they are more likely to do things for you and more likely to genuinely want to see you succeed. To better explain my comparison to non-George R.R. Martin fans, when Cersei Lannister was queen of king’s landing, she acted like it put her far above everyone else and flaunted her wealth and influence and all her family could do to punish people who crossed her, Margaery Tyrell played the game better, though, she walked among the people, helped them and took personal interest in them. Guess who that worked out better for? (At least so far, no one’s lifespan is guaranteed in those books.)

Margaery Tyrell from Game of Thrones

But anyway let’s begin with the cosplay community. There are people who are just starting out and they all go about the anxiety that comes with taking to such a new, involved, highly critical cosplay in very different ways. Some put up a front with bravado and pretend they know more than they do, some are quiet and frightened to ask for advice and then become defensive when someone might be better or offer advice, and then there’s the dreaded weeaboo. Loud, excitable, overly obsessive, unable to interact properly or politely, taking most of their public mannerisms from GIR of Invader Zim fame or Foamy the Squirrel with disastrous results for the image of their fandom and the cosplay community as a whole. These people, like their gothic equivalent, Baby Bats, like to believe that they and they alone are unique in a world full of Barbie clones and posers, they often spawn internal misogyny or nice guy syndrome where they believe that other members of their gender are vapid, cruel, and mean as I mentioned before in my ‘fake geek girl’ post. Above all, this kind of person is very annoying.

However stop and think for a second. Everyone’s been in a situation where they felt different and ostracized. In those scenarios isn’t it a kneejerk reaction to believe that you are Wednesday Addams in a world of Amanda Buckmans? Of course it is, and isn’t it fun to see Wednesday screw up that trite, uncomfortably racist first Thanksgiving play by setting things on fire? Of course it was, and that’s fine, movies where someone like you is the protagonist and makes the
vapid jerks pay are cathartic, but in real life it is never so black and white. Even Kim Kardashian and Megan Fox have feelings and dreams and things that make them human no matter how awful they may seem as human beings. Not every slender blonde with a Prada bag and Abercrombie and Fitch outfit is an evil bimbo who hates you. But can a kid who’s grown up with nothing but movie interpretations of interactions with ‘normies’ possibly fathom that?

Cersei Lannister from Game of Thrones

Consider, many people who latch onto fringe cultures already have trouble fitting in, they can feel ostracized, some may have social anxiety or be awkward around others. As a young teen or preteen who already has these feelings, also finding a love for alt culture is one more thing they can feel prevents them from fitting in, throw in that at that age everyone is immature and bullying is a very real problem, and it can become very easy for them to conclude those movies were true. Someone is going to dump pig’s blood on them at the prom or lock them in the Harmony Hut or even physically hurt them in their mind and so an all too common defense mechanism is to lash out first or write off everyone as a vapid poser Barbie wannabe clone. Believe me, I know. That’s why it’s so hard to write my Lipstick Love Letter piece.

When I was twelve, I went to regular public school. I grew up on a heavy dose of sci-fi, horror, teen comedies, and geek culture. In elementary school that’s really okay, few people are going to bully you because everyone plays Pokemon in elementary school, everyone collects action figures, everyone watches cartoons, things are pretty well universal when you’re a child no matter what the glittery pink aisle that boldly insisted ‘GIRLS’ at the toy store wanted you to believe, as far as we were concerned in elementary school, Esmeralda could be rescued from Frollo by the timely intervention of the Autobots and no one would bat an eyelash, Princess Aurora was secretly the pink Power Ranger and sleep fought Rita Repulsa...and/or Maleficent, same headpiece style and all. But I digress. The point is, suddenly as you grow up, everyone’s interests shift…or stay relatively the same but start to incorporate new ideas and feelings from a maturing mind, suddenly all my friends who used to want to trade Pokemon or play Sailor Moon were into the dreaded makeup, boys, cheerleading! And of course being raised on teen movies that taught me cheerleaders were mean bullies, I panicked.

So I put on my Hot Topic gear, got some makeup of my own (ANTI-MAKEUP) and shunned things like Charmed and The OC and other things teenage girls watched in favor of Utena and Hellsing. And like so many weeaboos and baby bats before me, I was loud and proud about my interests to the point of being disruptive and rude, but you couldn’t tell me that, oh no, everyone was mean to me because I was different and special and they just couldn’t handle that, not because I went off on tangents about my anime to the point that we never got out of a lesson early even when other classes had. Not because I begged my English teacher to let me read terrible fan fiction in class as extra credit or because I openly told people from my school that I hated it and everyone there was a baka gaijin who didn’t understand the amazing depth of my manga collection (to be fair, I still enjoy a lot of my manga, I stand by it being pretty trippy and cool.)

Hurtful meme found on the Internet directed at Weeaboos

 I never once stopped to think that I was being rude and forcing something these other kids had no interest in on them, they didn’t hate me because I was different, they hated me because I was an insufferable jerk who took it upon myself to force my interests on them when for the most part none of them ever tried to do the same. And even then there were people who were still nice to me. The cheerleader who secretly loved Card Captor Sakura, the football captain who chatted cheerfully about his favorite Final Fantasy strategies, but I overlooked these people and acted like a grade A jerk. Which doesn’t excuse the older kids beating me up or shoving me down stairs, but rest assured I was not just some innocent victim that everyone hated because she was so special.

Then I went to a private school where most of the kids were just like me, creative, into what I was, weird, quirky, artsy. The problem was most of us brought our clique problems and social structure beliefs with us to school but no one wanted to admit that so did they, which continued the cycle of bullying and hatred, except now it was geek-on-geek bullying. There were only really two upper classmen who ever really stood by me and befriended me entirely instead of bullying or ignoring me and my group. One of those people was Caitlin Seida, who brought me into writing for I Feel Delicious. She was also the one who took time (in small doses) to talk to me and show me that not everyone was against me and eventually I grew up into a half-way decent person. I still have moments of vehement dislike for people I don’t know based on something they do that rubs me the wrong way, but with time and patience, I can look past whatever my initial dislike came from, be it annoying over enthusiasm, bravado bordering on Miles Gloriosus, or genuine rudeness.

All most newbies need is a gentle guiding hand to push them in the right direction and learn to understand what they’re doing wrong and why it bothers people. Everyone needs a friend, everyone deserves to be loved and cared for and to experience an element of human kindness, and every young kid just getting into a subculture needs to be taught the basics. You weren’t perfect when you started wearing Lolita, your first cosplay wasn’t screen accurate, perfect, and handmade, your first goth ensemble wasn’t top of the line Euro-goth couture or Harajuku finds, you started somewhere and so must they. So offer your hand in friendship, not in punishment. Be a Margaery, not a Cersei.

Keelah Monster (formerly Tali'Belle) is a fashion and costume design student with twelve years of cosplay experience. She operates Fleet and Flotilla: Dextro Couture and Salvage on Etsy. Her main cosplay is Tali'Zorah Vas Normandy and her current preferred convention is Dragon Con. You can keep up with her on DeviantArt  or Twitter. And of course, you can find her posts here on I Feel Delicious!

Gabourey Sidibe Looks Fabulous - and Don't Tell Her Otherwise

By Caitlin Seida

Gabourey (Gabby) Sidibe is awesome. And I'm going to tell you why. When she was up for the title role in Precious, she got some flack from Joan Cusack. "Oh honey," she said "You should really quit the (acting) business. It's so image-conscious." And Joan was right on the money - Hollywood is an image-conscious place. But what Ms. Cusack didn't bank on was the fact that there are millions of Americans who want to see someone like them - in ethnicity, weight, or both - portraying kickass characters.

Sidibe got nominated for an Academy Award for her role as Precious, and has gone on to do more roles - most notably Andrea in "The Big C" and Queenie in season three of American Horror Story (American Horror Story: Coven).

So her name is out there, her image is out there - what don't people get? She's a big, black, beautiful woman. And this still seems to shock people - most recently regarding the dress she wore and her appearance at the 2014 Golden Globe Awards.

And wouldn't you know it? The nastiness started on social media. There were the usual fat jokes and the "is she pregnant?" comments, and some notable tweets using the hashtags "ImSurprisedSheCouldFitInTheFrame" and "IThinkSheAteTheGoldenGlobes."

In true I Feel Delicious style, Gabby Sidibe fired back at her critics, issuing this tweet:

To people making mean comments about my GG pics, I mos def cried about it on that private jet on my way to my dream job last night. #JK
— Gabourey Sidibe (@GabbySidibe) January 13, 2014

The Dress In Question

With her head held high and a little bit of humor (and a lot of dignity), Gabourey handled the situation well. Having been on the receiving end of the same type of criticisms that Gabby got (and I don't get paid nearly as much - need a writer, Gabs? Please?), that kind of stuff HURTS when hundreds of people - people whose opinions shouldn't matter in the first place - pile on about something that really shouldn't matter.

I mean, really, how many of the people taking potshots at her appearance are actually earning as much as she is, working a job they love and looking and feeling fabulous doing so? Her weight - or anyone else's - is between her and her doctor. Not her and you, or her and the Internet. So shove off.

For what my opinion is worth (not too much), I think she looked pretty darn good. Her dress emphasized her bust, and the embellishment in the center called attention up to her face - She didn't look trashy, didn't show too much skin (but still managed to up the sexy factor with well placed bust darts - yeowzah!) and her hair, clutch, and earrings evoked an Old Hollywood style that suits her well. Also? Her makeup was flawless. And while I'm not a fan of pointy-toed shoes personally, they went well with her dress and looked like they'd be pretty comfy  - always a plus in my eyes.

In true Sidibe style, she also got a lot of positive support for the way she handled the criticisms, and thanked her fans with a follow up tweet (for those wondering, no, she really doesn't have a private jet. She's not that fancy!). The humor and grace this actress shows are uncharacteristic of a rather big name Hollywood actress - I'd recommend following her on Twitter. She gained a follower in me after this incident.

Plus size or BBW actresses like Gabourey Sidibe, Nikki Blonsky, Cathrine Manheim, Rosie O'Donnell, Roseanne, and even retro Rikki Lake deserve mad props - they're going out there and pursuing their passion and earning money while doing so. And they're also inspiring other young women to not get down on themselves because of their size. Sure, Hollywood is image-conscious, but that image doesn't have to be the same cookie cutter mold for everyone.

Keep rocking on, Gabourey!

Dead or Alive: Extreme Bikini Cosplay

By Tali’Belle Cosplay

Video games put a lot of emphasis on sex appeal, mostly for men using women, but sometimes it’s the other way around (Zevran Araini and Thane Krios are good examples of more sexualized males in video games, but there are others.) And you know what? This really isn’t a problem for me. Whatever, you wanna make a woman wear a skin tight cat suit that shows off a ton on cleavage while she guns down celestial beings or have a blue skinned space babe snap necks with her thigh high high heeled boots? That’s your business and as long as she’s still a good character with thought and energy put into her, I really don’t care. Hell, Sylvanas Windrunner and Jaina Proudmoore can have a drunken lesbian make out session in bikinis for all I care as long as they still command armies, cities, and respect while kicking ass. A sexy girl doesn’t have to be looked down upon and disrespected….

Harley Quinn and Catwoman cosplays at Comicon Chile. Copyright Javier Rosh, used under a CC License

Unless you’re in the cosplay community. So much whining of ‘Ohh this cosplayer wears such skimpy outfits!’ or ‘Ohh she’s an attention whore!’ Um….good theory, Sherlock, or maybe I could deduce a new one? Perhaps she’s going for accuracy based on a costume that really looks like that? Ladies and gents, let’s not pretend we all hate and disdain Dead or Alive or Soul Calibur or other fighting games with completely impractical outfits. They are a ton of fun and what small character development you get to see in game is fun, quirky, and diverse. But there is not a lot of variety in the nature of costumes. I could dress as Helena Douglass rather than Tina Armstrong, I could be Sophitia rather than Ivy, but there would still be a ton of cleavage and either skin tight painted on pants or a short skirt. Besides, cosplay should be about whom you love and what you feel comfortable in, not trying to cater to hypocritical slut shamers and prudes.

Soul Caliber Tira and Talim cosplay. Copyright megadem. Used under a CC License.

You know, I used to be firmly in the other camp. Cosplay shouldn’t be for attention! You’re dressing slutty! Whine whine whine, jealousy, jealousy, jealousy. But you know what? After being squarely called out on my bullshit, I took a step back and had a look. It’s not the cosplayers in skimpy costumes who are wrong, it’s the view society has that if a female dresses in something skimpy, she is dressing up for men and is an attention seeking slut. Now keeping this open ended, there may be some exceptions in the cosplay community, but this is not a piece to perpetuate slut shaming and calling people out, so if there is, here’s a bombshell: IT IS NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS. Can they afford/make the cosplay? Do they credit people who may have contributed? Are they happy and having a good time? If you answered yes to these questions, then shut your mouth, it’s not your business why they’re cosplaying in what outfit. Crawl back into your panel and try and find a way to enjoy a con that doesn’t involve picking on others.

Oh, but costumes that actually are skimpy aren’t the only problem. Oh no, slut shamers and jerks will make a completely ordinary costume into something overtly sexual even if it covers more than a hijab and burqa. Dressing as Sue Storm or Harley Quinn? Too tight! Ugh! All that slutty, slutty spandex! Hell, even when I dress as Tali, I still get the occasional: Oh, it’s hugging her body so tightly, she totally wants attention, she’s totally getting off on Talimancers looking at her. Or maybe I just really like and identify with this character.



 And of course, as mentioned before, if your body is anything less than perfect then a ‘skimpy’ or ‘tight’ costume can be used as an excuse to take you down a peg and call you out on things because how dare you have the self-confidence to dress as a character you enjoy without being a Barbie!? Actually, this is one of the reasons Dragon Con is now my home con and not Otakon. At Otakon, catty high school aged weeaboos had begun to reign supreme. Woe to any Yoko Litner over a hundred pounds, death be upon a Seras Victoria with thick thighs. I was a ‘fat cosplayer’ there because I have large hips and my belly isn’t perfectly flat. But at Dragon Con, there were lovely ladies of every size in outfits ranging from full armor to chain mail bikinis and no one batted an eyelash I heard maybe one catty comment all week, and that was craftsmanship related and they probably thought no one could hear them anyway. No one was mean to people. My boyfriend Robert and I even got thunderous applause at the costume contest despite my thighs and belly and his magnificent chest hair peeking out of his robe.

Yaya Han as Emma Frost, from the mistress's Facebook Page

But I digress. Are you conventionally attractive and in a skimpy costume? Don’t worry; the slutshaming nitpickers haven’t forgotten you. I’m going to gush about my idol, Yaya Han, again for a while. Yaya recently got a show on Sci Fi called Heroes of Cosplay. It was highly controversial and created a bit of a rift in the cosplay community, but as long as you accepted it as reality TV, it was honestly harmless and actually kind of fun to watch. Plus it helped my mom understand my hobby better, so Yaya, if you happen to be linked this or Google yourself and find this, thanks! You had a hand in helping me get a little extra help paying for costuming school and materials to start a small business!

But anyway, immediately some other cosplayers I used to idolize let out their claws and showed how ugly their egos can be when they tore into Yaya about tiny minute details that any cosplayer could overlook. ‘Her contacts for Fiora Nightraven are the wrong color!’ ‘Domino doesn’t use that weapon!’ ‘Emma Frost doesn’t wear pants like that!’ (Actually, yes she does sometimes and also Yaya outright said she wasn’t comfortable cosplaying in a thong, hence the pants.) The vitriol went on obsessively to the point where it was no longer a critique on controversial things in her show, it was tearing down a fellow cosplayer who is doing what she loves and working tirelessly to run a business, promote our hobby as normal and interesting, and still have a good time. Not to mention the age shaming. They said she was ‘aging’ because she’s over twenty-five. Now you tell me who’s making cosplay look bad. A cosplayer who dresses sexy or a cosplayer who talks cruelly about others?

The cosplay community is so quick to accuse each other of attention whoring and being a ‘fake geek’ (which I will address next week), and forget that skimpy costumes and sexy outfits come from a point of accuracy. It rings a mite hypocritical to say ‘I need my Asari tendrils to feel EXACTLY LIKE CARTILEGE SO IT’S ACCURATE!’ or ‘I need to use nothing but real Italian leather in my Zevran cosplay!’ and then throw a shit fit because you see an Arkham City Harley Quinn prancing around in a bra with her thong showing, or a Tiny Armstrong in a bikini.

 Tali'Belle is a fashion and costume design student with twelve years of cosplay experience. She operates Fleet and Flotilla: Dextro Couture and Salvage on Etsy. Her main cosplay is Tali'Zorah Vas Normandy and her current preferred convention is Dragon Con. You can keep up with her on DeviantArt  or Twitter. And of course, you can find her posts here on I Feel Delicious!

Petitioning to end the Reign of the so-called King of Mean

Everyone has dealt with an internet troll. They enjoy relentlessly pelting the comment sections of Youtube videos and message boards with their rage-inciting statements and take great joy in the anger that gets hurled back at them. However, most of the time the comments they post can be easily ignored. Either someone else will yell at them, saying exactly what you were going to say, or their comment will be swept up in a sea of other comments, as they no more or less important by the website. What happens though, when these trolls have not one, but two websites? Roosh V is a self-proclaimed pick up artist. His original site (made to promote his books) focuses mainly on who he is and his misogynistic views. This was enough to have him put on the list of misogynist sites of the Southern Poverty Law Center.

Fast forward to a year ago, Roosh V publishes Return of Kings. The site presents itself as a website for masculine men, which it is perfectly allowed to do. If you have seen the site, it is teeming with articles about hating heavy people, hating sluts (ironic considering how many times the writers talk about bedding them), being against women’s rights, beating children, hating American women, and hating feminists. No matter how mad it makes the rest of the world, the men of Return of Kings are allowed to have these views. Free speech is one of the best things about this country. It’s what allows people like us to lash back and say something about the site as well.

"Roosh V"

Where the line of free speech gets fuzzy is when a website like this rallies together to organize something like Fat Shaming Week. If you haven’t already seen it, the community of Return of Kings spent a week in October posting derogatory Twitter updates and pictures of heavier people on their Twitter feeds and tagging it #fatshamingweek. Participants used this to separate fat people from the rest of society, and aggressively suggest that they don’t belong. This is considered an act of hate. Taking a group of humans, singling them out and using high school bullying tactics on them is not only despicable by moral standards, it also what could be the beginnings of a hate group. As you can from their site, they don’t only dislike people who stray from society’s definition of skinny. We don’t know what they could do next or to what extreme it could go.

I am petitioning to shut them down, or at the very least have them recognized by their hosting site and society as a hate group. We can’t have another incident like fat shaming week happen. Not only do our reactions only fuel the men of the site on, the psychological effects on the people targeted are damaging, especially to younger internet users with fragile self esteem. Please sign my petition here, and continue in the I Feel Delicious social media blackout of Return of Kings. The less fuel for the fire, the better. Together, we can keep moving towards social equality, and stop these guys from holding us back.

I’m Not Perfect (and That’s Okay)

By Tali’Belle Cosplay

I preach body positivity, but I’m not thin enough to ever hope for Jaina Proudmoore’s silhouette. I preach cosplaying for fun, but my silhouette in my envirosuit is the only silhouette I smile at. I preach being nice to others and not criticizing, insulting, or harassing…but I’m my own worst bully. Nothing that small handful of petty girls harassing me for cosplaying a pairing they don’t like could say could hurt me as badly as what I think of myself.

Tali'Belle herself, from DeviantArt

Cosplay makes me happy, I feel good about myself when people compliment my pics or say kind things to me in public at conventions. My spirit soars and I smile bright and wide, I laugh, I joke, I have a wonderful time. But….


That’s what I was going to write. It was hopeless, it was depressing, it was not a very positive message. But here’s the thing, no one is perfect. No one at all. Yaya Han says things that are misinterpreted and needs to redo small mistakes when she makes things too, Jennifer Lawrence gets called fat, my friends from Tumblr to Deviantart to Facebook show that almost every cosplayer has some painful insecurity that hurts them.

 Even the characters I idolize and dress as have imperfections. Tali is insecure in her leadership abilities, can be opinionated, and gets flustered and nervous at times, but she still wields her shot gun and tech powers expertly, she’s still regarded as one of the sweetest, most genuinely good, loyal, and well-loved characters you can recruit, and is a favorite romance option. Jaina Proudmoore was too trusting, was never on time for anything, and was wrought with regret over many, many things and now she’s let the betrayals she suffered make her bitter and angry, but Jaina is also one of the strongest, most capable mages of all time, not just of her gender but her entire class and has led both cities and armies. Sweetie Belle is naïve, a little less than the brightest bulb in the box, and can be very annoying but her friends and family love her and she’s a true and loyal friend.

Tali'Belle as Jaina Proudmoore, from DeviantArt

Imperfections make us real, imperfections make us alive, imperfections make us interesting. Would Tali be considered half as cute and sweet if she didn’t stumble over her words with Shepard? Would she be regarded as a well-rounded character if she wasn’t wrong sometimes and didn’t grow from learning she was? Would, say, Lara Croft, be such a great character and role model for female gamers if she hadn’t started out as a terrified girl who could barely fire a gun fighting for her life and sometimes making the wrong choices for the right reasons?

People don’t like Lara, like Tali, like Jaina because they’ve got perfect, beautiful, flawless bodies. The fact is in real life they wouldn’t, those are pixels and besides, Tali’s wide hips are some people’s favorite part of her, Jaina’s somewhat less glamorous face was highly preferred to her heavily made up newer model (not that wearing makeup is bad, it can be fun and is a major healthy self-esteem boost to get prettied up), Lara’s fan base, even those who sexualize her, for the most part are drawn to her strength. We as cosplayers, as geeks, as people forget that these characters, like us, have faults and imperfections that don’t make people like them any less.

I think ultimately, this backs up the entire message of my posts in general. Don’t be perfect, be a human being, accept and treat others as human beings, be kind, be courteous, be good. If you are kind to others in your community, you will find friends. You may not talk all the time or even know each other too well off the internet and outside the con, but you will know them and you know their insecurities, their fears, their hopes, the things they like and you will see they are just like you…You will not feel alone. We are all imperfect and that’s okay. If you live with your imperfections, you are not a bad person. If you fix them with medicine or surgery or makeup, you are not a bad person. If you want to but can’t afford it, you are not a bad person.


No one has the right to tell you how to think or feel. Don’t let what cruel people with nothing better to do than hurt others affect you. Anyone who goes out of their way to hide behind a private anonymous message or a screen name and say hateful things about you and has nothing better to do isn’t worth your time. Improve imperfections that hurt others in the healthiest way you can and do what you will with the ones that don’t affect anyone.

 Tali'Belle is a fashion and costume design student with twelve years of cosplay experience. She operates Fleet and Flotilla: Dextro Couture and Salvage on Etsy. Her main cosplay is Tali'Zorah Vas Normandy and her current preferred convention is Dragon Con. You can keep up with her on DeviantArt  or Twitter. And of course, you can find her posts here on I Feel Delicious!

Graves Disease: An Interview with Rayanne Forbes

By Caitlin Seida

If you're like most of the public, you've probably never heard of Graves Disease. As Rayanne Forbes, 25, of Edmonton, Alberta, Canada puts it: "Graves Disease is an autoimmune disorder, it's basically a thyroid imbalance, heart condition and immune disorder all wrapped into one." Like so many health problems that affect us, each patient develops different symptoms. Some only have minor signs of the disease and are able to live their lives without much trouble. Others, like Rayanne, walk through hell and back.

"A person who has Graves Disease develops a misdirected immune system that attacks all the healthy cells in your body instead of protecting them like a regular person and affects nearly every organ over time." She tells us.  "It begins with a severely over active thyroid level and you stay extremely hyperthyroid for many months or even years if pills don't correct it. In my case; 19 pills a day could not control my elevated heart rate and they had to remove my thyroid.  Graves disease plus the abundance of pills that I took destroyed all my red and white blood cells and I nearly died when I caught a simple cold I couldn't fight off." Rayanne ended up in a hospital for almost a month before she could go home.

Rayanne found out she had Graves Disease at 22 years old, when she was busy working at a doctor's office, spending her day taking care of other people. Out of the blue, her heart rate elevated to 220 beats per minute and she developed extreme hot flashes. Availing herself of her work facilities, she visited a doctor and was diagnosed the very next day. But Graves is sneaky, Rayanne tells us. "Some people go months without a diagnosis because Graves Disease mimics the symptoms of so many other illnesses."


In Rayanne's case, the symptoms were very severe. "I was very shaky, and weak throughout the day. My hair fell out in clumps, I couldn't sleep for days then then want to spend 16 hours in bed the next. I was constantly out of breath and had to stop half way up the stairs just to make it. At first, they tried to melt my thyroid away with radioactive iodine, which is like drinking pure acid and burns the whole way down. Shortly after they removed my thyroid, my eyes started to very painfully bulge out from my body attacking the healthy cells behind my eyes, causing inflammation. The eye symptoms have an active cycle of 16 months so you are left to wait to see how bad they get, and then you are offered surgery to fix them afterwards. They also tried an in-hospital 5 day IV steroid treatment to help with the swelling behind my eyes. In that time, I developed gallstones, also a common Graves complication,although never proven to be officially linked because they don't know a lot about Graves Disease yet."

"I went on to get my gallbladder removed two months later. Next, they finally fixed my eyes and did a tricky and dangerous orbital decompression surgery. It's a highly invasive surgery that goes behind your eyes to remove fat and tissues that are pushing your eyes forward. If left untreated, some people go blind. The surgery fixed one problem but created another and gave me eyelid retraction - basically, I look surprised all the time. The eye surgeon tried to fix it with another surgery a few months after I was fully healed but had to cancel it halfway through because I wouldn't freeze properly and could feel the blood cauterizer burning through my skin, the scalpel, sewing through my eyelids and the 6 needles in each eye. It was absolutely terrifying."

Like so many illnesses that affect your appearance, Rayanne has been on the recieving end of some very cruel comments. "It started when my eyes started bulging out, leaving me bug-eyed looking. Perfect strangers would tell me to 'stop staring at them', ask me 'why I look so surprised' and use their fingers to widen their eyes to mimic the way I looked and I even got asked what drugs I was on to look that way."

One moment, in particular, sticks out in her mind. "I was out one evening and I told a girl I thought her hair was pretty. Her response was 'you can stop staring at me you $%&#@&% freak'. After they gave me my first surgery, and my eye lids were left looking wonky.. the comments got worse. Everywhere I went, people stared, and made mean comments they probably thought only their friend could hear. My eyes were suddenly "F--ked up", I looked like a freak show, the list goes on. I even caught a former co-worker telling another one that I had 'bug eye disease.'"

The harassment took a toll on Rayanne's self esteem. "I think when people imitated how I looked, it hurt the worse because there was nothing I could do about it. I was honestly just thankful I wasn't blind but still struggled with public acceptance. I started hiding in my room a lot however. Every night, weekends included, I sat at home alone in my dark room and kept to my self for about a year. I missed birthdays, dinners out, and a lot of really fun things because I was so scared of what people said about me." She wears contacts to make her eyes look more average, but they're highly uncomfortable. To me, it's hard to understand why Rayanne gets made fun of. She's a very beautiful woman with very striking features.

In fact, I asked Rayanne about her makeup routine and was told she gets requests from all over the world for makeup tutorials on a regular basis. She plans to create a video soon. Aside from her contact lenses, she wears false eyelashes every day. As you all know, I Feel Delicious isn't just about looking fantastic, though. It's about feeling fantastic. Despite looking amazing, Graves Disease has taken a toll on Rayanne's health.  "Sadly, there is no 'keeping healthy' or a 'normal' anymore. I deal with constant chest pain, I'm weak, tired, shaky and still attend numerous hospital and specialist appointments each month. My heart rate still skyrockets (it shouldn't with the thyroid removal) but it does so I see a cardiologist. Since diagnoses, I have had to get blood taken around 300+ times."

Rayanne's next words hit me, like it will hit many others: "Dealing with an invisible illness is tough because I don't want to look like the 'sick girl' and I hide it well but that means everyone around you assumes your fine. I have been called a 'faker', an exaggerator and even told that i "deserved this" from an ex-friend more times that i can count. I'm blessed to now work at a place that understand my illness but I still feel guilty letting them know that I need to go home early to rest and I have a hard time asking for help. It's scary because you want to plan your life and a future and you cant because this illness controls you." Whether it's depression, polycystic ovarian syndrome, diabetes or anything else, it's hard for people to understand unless they've "been there," a fate you really wouldn't wish on most people.

Is it possible you could be at risk? Rayanne tells us that "Graves Disease is 9:1 females in their twenties. If you suspect you have it, its best to get to a doctor as soon as possible because the longer you wait, the worse it gets. A simple blood test will show if you have Graves and they can treat appropriately. Less than 1% of the world will be diagnosed with Graves Disease, and even less than that will ever develop the eye symptoms associated with the disease."

Even with less than 1% of the world getting a diagnosis, it's important to spread awareness, which is exactly why I interviewed Rayanne. "People don't go up to someone with an evident cancer diagnosis and 'ask why they're bald' because they know the implications of the illness," she tells us. It's true, too. So why is it acceptable to ask someone with an "invisible illness" as Rayanne puts it, why they're "so fat" or "so skinny" or "have bug eyes"?

"It has since become my mission to raise awareness so that no one else has to deal with what I have. All I ask of people is to realize that everyone has a story, and to be accepting of those of us who may look a little different. Every scar tells a story and we are more than happy to share it with you if you just ask nicely. We'd rather share what happened with you than have you judge us and make fun of us behind our backs." A message a heartily concur with.

"I never set out to be the 'Graves Disease girl'," says Rayanne, "but its a title I fully embrace because I know my blog and media appearances have brought awareness to this mystery illness. Some of the photos are shocking, most unflattering, but I keep them up because I have a hope that it's helping someone out there. I have since founded The Graves Disease Foundation of Edmonton and it will launch officially in early 2014. My foundation will raise awareness and money for those in my town battling the disease to help cover the costs associated with the illness...I was born to help others and it just took one hell of a medical journey to discover that. I always knew I had two choices, to get bitter or get better and I will fight every day to beat this disease with a smile on my face."

True to the I Feel Delicious motto, Rayanne tells us: "I never once felt 'sorry' for myself and I never will. Even though people tell me all the time that they think I had a rough go at it, I never felt that way because I had a great family by my side and I kept a positive attitude every day because I was just thankful to even be alive. I am a big believer to never,ever take a day for granted. "

When Rayanne told her story by starting her blog in late 2011, the response was overwhelming and overwhelmingly positive, despite some ridicule from former friends and acquaintances. "To date, I have received over 200+ e-mails from other sufferers world wide sharing their story with me and asking for advice. I cry almost every time I read their stories because you meet them at all different times throughout the diagnosis and you know it's going to get worse, but you don't want to tell them. Some even had worse symptoms than I did and shared their stories about being almost homeless, jobless, and 100% friendless because of how they looked. The emotional baggage they leave with me is so tough to handle sometimes but I feel so relieved that they feel comfortable enough to share it with me because they had likely not shared it with anyone else before."

"I want to show the world that its not about getting knocked down.. It's about getting back up and showing your strength. After all, life is exactly what you make of it." And Rayanne couldn't be more right. This fierce and fearsome chick is exemplifying this for all of us and showing the world just how strong she is, and educating us all one person at a time.

Check out Rayanne's Blog and show her some love and thanks for sharing her story here with us at I Feel Delicious.

Caitlin Seida has been writing since 2006, with her work appearing on various websites including Livestrong.com, TypeF.com, Salon.com, Dogster.com and The Daily Puppy. A Jill-of-All-Trades, she splits her workday as a writer, humane society advocate and on-call vet tech. What little free time she has goes into pinup modeling, advocating for self-acceptance, knitting and trying to maintain her haunted house (really!). You can find her on Facebook, on Twitter, and of course here on I Feel Delicious!

Conventional Behavior: Doing Cons Right

By Tali’Belle Cosplay

So I've gone over a few things in the con/cosplay community which are awful, absolutely inappropriate, and just not right. "But Tali’Belle, hang on there!" you say, "How can we have fun at cons if there are so many rules and so many things we can’t do?" Well, citizen, first of all, it’s all about using your head, common sense and all that. If it’s inappropriate and rude in everyday life, it’s probably inappropriate and rude at a con too. But then things can get blurry when we take into account that at a con, you know you are surrounded by your fellow nerds and people who enjoy what you do. Is it appropriate to ask the cute couple cosplaying as Tali and Garrus if they plan to do some ‘Talibrations’ later? After all, you aren't insulting them or touching them, you’re joking. Can you yell ‘PASTAAAA’ if you’re cosplaying as Italy from Hetalia? After all, it IS in character. Is it permissible to ‘ship’ other cosplayers when dressed as Nepeta Leijon or another shipper/matchmaker character?

Copyright flickr.com/siredgar Used under Creative Commons License

Well, here’s the thing: conventions are fun, exciting, and a place where a nerd can feel at home, so by all means, if people aren't bothered by your behavior and it isn't hurting/endangering anyone (including yourself, it’s probably ill-advised for a Batman cosplayer to think they can actually glide off a third floor railing in the Marriott Marquis, all told. Even if he won’t land on anyone.) have a good time. But here are some things to consider:

The first thing is asking for a photograph/hug/handshake/etc. Be mindful of the person you are requesting it from as well as your location. Is the person upset, preoccupied, or rushing somewhere? If so, wait. You’ll probably see them again. Also, are you asking in the dealer’s hall or another crowded area? If so, take it outside, step out for a moment to a place that’s more relaxed where you won’t be in the way.

Now, permission is also important. Some cosplayers are shy, or self-conscious, or a host of other reasons they don’t wish to be photographed. Unless they have entered a contest on stage where photography is part of the package, you have to ask. Not only for their sake, but also for the sake of those around you. Younger con goers or parents who brought young children are there and what could be creepier than, say, a grown man with a camera aimed at a particularly attractive Sailor Scout without the cosplayer’s knowledge?

Robert Downey Jr. Invades Tom Hiddleston's Space. Don't be like RDJ!

As for the touching thing, from personal experience, let me explain to you: cosplayers of all ages, genders, and sizes have likely been perved on or groped before. They have no way of knowing you aren’t reaching for their crotch, ass, or breasts when going in for a hug, so please, ask before you do (and once given permission, keep in mind that isn't an invitation to go for those places, remember the picture of Tom Hiddleston with his arm around Emma Watson for a picture? Be like Tom Hiddleston, hug respectfully.)

Another thing to be aware of is your costume/prop. Cosplaying as Songbird or a Big Daddy from the Bioshock games? Awesome! Amazing costume, big ticket price or lots of hard work, I’m sure you’re very proud of it. But watch large parts or props like a wingspan or a weapon. I know from experience it is uncomfortable trying to sit with or carry one of these, but a staff should be carried upright and at your side or just ever so slightly in front of you unless you are posing. A sword should be sheathed or carried by your side; a gun must be holstered or, in the case of large ones like Seras Victoria of Hellsing’s Harkonnen Canon, carried like a staff. This is not just to avoid hurting other con goers but also to keep your prop from getting broken. Props are expensive and take a lot of skill and effort to craft; it is devastating for one to be destroyed.

On that note, same principal as touching a cosplayer applies to touching their props: Ask permission. You don’t know what it’s made of, how much it cost, how much work was put in, how delicate it is. Its owner does, so listen to them when they say whether or not you can hold/touch their prop and when they tell you how.

Copyright Doug Kline. Used Under a Creative Commons License

Remember the last article I wrote where our male model cosplayer Mark had a pregnant girlfriend who stayed home from the con? Consider your health. Not everyone follows con etiquette and accidents do happen. If you have a medical condition or are ill, it may be best to stay home. If not, most people do understand. Tickets are expensive and non-refundable and con plague IS a fact of life, as long as it isn't potentially life threatening, no one will hate you for showing up with a cold. As to being pregnant? If you still decide to show up, there is no shame or stigma. Maternity cosplays can be adorable (and who wouldn't think it was cute if our Drogo had had a lovely Daenerys carrying Rhaego inside of her cosplaying with him?) but please, be careful. Be alert for unruly congoers and dangerous situations because frankly some people are just plain stupid and think nothing of endangering fellow congoers. To those of you who are those people: stop it. There is NOTHING cute about someone getting hurt or worse because of your antics. Pouncing, glomping, etc. are NEVER appropriate unless it’s a previously agreed upon skit or photoshoot with a friend.

Thrall and Aggra from WoW

Both sides of the coin for harassment: For those of you who harass a fellow cosplayer; stop and think. This is a fellow human being with hobbies and interests in common with you. They are here to have a good time. Put your character hate aside. Appreciate the beauty of their cosplay. Are you cosplaying as Jaina Proudmoore and angry that Thrall was paired with Aggra instead? If you meet an Aggra cosplayer, here are some alternatives: Ignore her or else make friends, who knows what fun photos you two could have parodying that rivalry? As another example, say you ship Karkat/Terezi from Homestuck but a couple is cosplaying Dave/Terezi: again, that’s an opportunity to make a friend who just has a different opinion and get a funny photoshoot. I personally dream of the day I can do a Miranda Lawson vs. Tali photoshoot or aforementioned Aggra vs. Jaina. Even if you don’t like a character or a pairing, you still have something in common with this fellow human being who has the same enthusiasm you do for a fandom and you should embrace it.

Now, if you’re the one being harassed and the harasser isn’t rational enough to ignore you or simply be polite, go get con security. If you fight back, you will get kicked out as well; your ticket is non-refundable. Con security is supposed to deal with this sort of thing and 9.9 times out of ten, they will.

Twin Lara Crofts with Squall Leonhart in the middle. Copyright Bruce Moyle, Used Under a Creative Commons License

DON’T INSULT OTHER COSPLAYERS. So you worked hard on your cosplay, think you’re amazing and all, and then you see another person cosplaying the same character (I am guilty of this, but I’ve moved past it, thankfully). Everyone has the right to cosplay as the character they want. You are cosplaying a fictional entity. Rose Tyler isn’t real. Vriska Serket isn’t real. Commander Shepard isn’t real. Luna Lovegood isn’t real. Yuna isn’t real. Katniss Everdeen isn’t real and so on and so forth. You are [insert your legal name here], a human living in [insert country here] in the year 2013 (or maybe you’re reading this a few years from now, if so: Good news, everyone! You’re in the future!), and that other person is [their name here], not the character. Besides, if you act petty like that, you’re missing out on a wonderfully fun pastime called twinning. Common in J-Fashion communities, twinning is when you are wearing the same outfit (or a similar, complimenting outfit). Most rational, friendly cosplayers enjoy twinning and since I calmed my tits about others cosplaying the same character as me, I’ve had offer after offer for twinning photos and they are so much fun! Even if you don’t want to twin, keep in mind as above, this is a fellow human being who worked hard or paid a lot of money to make this costume a reality and they have just as much right to enjoy it as you do. If they did better in some way, you could even ask for tips. If you did better in some way and they ask, then you can give them tips.


Overall, cosplay and the convention scene is a community, it is for fun and meant to bring people together, to tell geeks and nerds everywhere: You are not alone. You have a family that is millions strong, let your flag fly, we welcome you. Divisive, cruel behavior should have no place in that sort of setting.

 Tali'Belle is a fashion and costume design student with twelve years of cosplay experience. She operates Fleet and Flotilla: Dextro Couture and Salvage on Etsy. Her main cosplay is Tali'Zorah Vas Normandy and her current preferred convention is Dragon Con. You can keep up with her on DeviantArt  or Twitter. And of course, you can find her posts here on I Feel Delicious!

The No-Neck Incident

By Amanda Flanigan

The other night, my husband and I went to a Halloween party thrown by his boss. This is the first Halloween party I have been to in over 10 years and it was fun to get out and mingle. It was an '80s theme and my husband went as He-Man and I as a Ghostbuster. There were about 20 to 25 people present and I only knew about 6 of them there. There was the usual chitchat, dancing, drinking, eating, picture taking and laughing.




As the hours went by, some of the guests began to depart for their comfy beds, leaving about 10 people (not including Mike and I) left. I decided to take a break from dancing and set down on the chair in the living room to drink some Dr. Pepper and cool down. I was joined by the host’s wife and three of her friends who all piled onto the couch to look at pictures they took with their digital camera. I was sitting only a few feet away.


I’m fat. This is something that I have dealt with since I was in the 5th grade and -- despite what people seem to think -- I know I am fat. I see myself in the mirror everyday and am not under any delusions as to my appearance. I am also not photogenic at all and have a horrible, horrible double chin.


Anyway, while the girls were going through the pictures they started giggling uncontrollably whispering (which wasn't so much as whispering because I could clearly here them), “Oh my god, she doesn't have a neck!” One of them ask who they were referring to and the other girls clearly motioned toward me while giggling. This conversation about me continued for several minutes while I sat only a few feet away hearing every word.


Now, I am the first person to make fun of myself and I try not to take myself too seriously. It has been a defense mechanism of mine for a very long time. I figured that if I made fun of myself first, it takes away the power from those who want to make comments maliciously to try to hurt me. And if they would have included me in the conversation, I would have laughed right along with them making comments about how I can turn into a thumb just by shifting my head downward. But no, these grown women, some with children of their own, decided that they would ignore me and then laugh about my no neck, double chin, fatness.


At 33 years of age, I still experience the mean girls. I honestly thought these types of incidents would end when I graduated high school. Never once did I think that other woman who themselves are overweight would ridicule me without even actually knowing me. At first, I was upset. How could I not be? I was so excited about going to this party and didn't think I would get made fun of. But as the night went on and we finally went home, I started to feel sorry for these women. What is missing in their lives that they would make fun of someone they just met based solely on a bad picture? That they would ignore that person even after her multiple attempts to befriend them.


I just hope that they themselves never experience the uncomfortable or ugliness that they showed toward me during that short exchange.




Manda began her writing career in 2007 writing for various online companies. She spends her time as a cat loving geek and mother to a teenager daughter. You can find more of her work at http://offwithherhead.org and of course here at I Feel Delicious!