Playing in the Boys Playground: Girls With Guns

Eye Candy Girl Charleigh poses with her gun. Courtesy of Terri Jean Photography.

By Poisyn LaRue

"Your girl does WHAT?!"

"She shoots. Fairly good might I add"

This was an ACTUAL conversation my ex-sniper boyfriend had with one of his friends this past week while on a road trip to Texas. His friend could not grasp that face that the little five foot five and three quarters (that matters) tall, purple haired girl that he is dating can also shoot out the center of an ace at about 200 yards (it may be closer to 150 yards now, it's been a while since I've done that particular parlor trick).

When he told me this, I started laughing hysterically. Why was the idea of a girl being able to shoot on par (and even outshoot some) men? In what invisible rule book did it say I wasn't allowed to handle weapons? Cause I think I need to find that rule book and use it as kindling!

I've been around firearms my whole life. I got my first rifle at around six or seven years old. It was a hand-me-down from my father, his old .22 caliber single shot, but I thought it was pretty awesome. Every autumn we would go to the shooting range the police used and I would get to shoot a 9mm hand gun. As I got older, I was allowed to shoot the "big kid" guns, which included a black powder pistol and riffle and a shot gun. Even if they are not terribly accurate, I loved the spread of the pellets from the shotgun, the tiny *tink* they made hitting the metal targets. This became a tradition of many years.


In 2010 I decided to move to "redneck country" also known as south of the Mason-Dixon line. I have always been a Southern girl at heart, so it was like moving home for me. I met some cool people and got to shoot some even cooler guns, including a P90 with which I immediately fell in love. My then boyfriend had a Remington 870 w/ Nebo tac flashlight/red laser combo, Winchester Razor sling, and aluminum shell caddy and a Glock 21 w/ Viridian X5L. We would go out to the stretch of land behind his friend's flower nursery and shoot all matters of fun things. We set up targets made out of whatever we could find. An old oil container filled with sand and water. Pieces of scrap metal. Wooden planks. At one point we had an old, rusted out car shell. You would be surprised how easily bullets pass through cars. Occasionally we would take the kids with us (he had a son and I had my daughter). Both children knew gun safety. I had taught them how to check if a gun was loaded, always point it away from everyone, and not to put your finger on the trigger until you knew you were going to shoot.

A few people say this makes me a bad mother, but I disagree. They know guns are not toys and I think this takes away from the whole "untouchable" desire that children tend to get when you tell them "no".

So anyway, back on topic. Yeah I am a girl. I wear heels and skirts and have pretty glorious 42DD boobs. And I like weapons. A lot. I'd rather spend a day at a shooting range or bow range then at the mall ogling over things that will never fit me because, well, I have shape. So instead, I think it is much more productive to spend my time learning a skill that will help protect my family in crisis.

This has nothing to do with the fact that the current love of my life is ex-military or that I play entirely more Call of Duty then I probably should. This has to do with the fact that I value my independence. I like being able to say, "Yeah, I can hunt and support my family if the economy goes to hell tomorrow". but that doesn't mean I don't simply ENJOY shooting for sport.

Target shooting that is, I'm a firm believer that hunting should only be done if you plan to eat what you kill, never just for sport. I'm a firm believer in "living outside the social norm". Anyone who knows me will tell you this. SO Is anyone really surprised that I can disassemble, clean, reassemble, load and fire most guns in the same way that some woman can arrange flowers or knit a scarf (neither of which I can do!)

Madame Poisyn LaRue is a self-described "square peg in a round hole." She has an Associates of Science in Visual Communications and is pursuing her Associate of the Arts in Theater with a minor in Music. Although she's at home on the stage, she's just as comfortable under the hood of a Chevy, covered in oil and grease but still wearing 5" heels. You can follow the Madame on Facebook or at her website and of course, here on I Feel Delicious! 

Lipstick and Letters: Don't be Afraid of Love

Hey kiddo,

 Please, give me a minute of your time...I'll make this short, I promise. I just want to let you know that you are going to be okay. It may seem like you are all alone right now and that may be true, but you will SURVIVE. You are only a kid, stop trying to grow up so fast. It seems like your parents will not let you do anything, but trust me when I say your mother knows best. She is just trying to protect you. A perfect example is what happened last night. She TOLD you not to be around those people, you SAW what they did to the girl before you. How easily they tossed her aside when you came along. Because you lived closer than her? No. Because you were younger and more impressionable. You are only thirteen. You should be worrying about your holiday concert next week and the centennial dance. You should not be sneaking away, LYING to your parents so that you can go see them. You were given all the warning signs, but you ignored them. I know WHY you did, but still..

 IT'S GOING TO BE OKAY. It's going to suck for a little while. There is going to be a million questions you are going to ask yourself. You will have nightmares that you refuse to talk about. You will suffer alone. The self mutilation will come back with a vengeance, but don't worry, that doesn't make you any less of a person. You will feel like EVERYONE has abandoned you, and it is sadly true. Most of your friends will not talk to you. Your relationships will be rocky. It is going to be a struggle, but do not worry. IT IS GOING TO BE OKAY. You are going to go through a point in your life where you cannot identify yourself sexually. Stop trying to. You are what is called pansexual. I know that sounds weird, but trust me it will all make sense one day.

 DON'T BE AFRAID OF LOVE. In a few years, you are going to be introduced to a girl who is A LOT like you. You are both curvy, wonderful young ladies with a twisted and painful past. TAKE A CHANCE ON HER. She never will abandon you, you two will become best friends that NO AMOUNT of time and distance will destroy, but take a chance on her before you two go off to college. Because it will be a LONG time before you see her again. She really likes you, yeah in THAT way, but you are both too shy to do anything about it. So here I am, telling you TAKE THAT CHANCE. You may not get married, though one day that will be legal, but you are going to live with a tinge of regret because of her. She will ALWAYS be your biggest "what if".

 Now I know I promised I would make this short, so I'm going to stop here. I guess the whole point of this was to let you know that it doesn't matter how low you've been, IT GETS BETTER.

 You ARE loved, 

Playing In the Boys Playground: My Life as a Pro-Gamer

By Poisyn LaRue

Back in the late '80s, I was an only child. My parents did not live together. I lived with my mother, my aunt, an older (male, yes this matters) cousin and my maternal grandmother most of the time and would spend weekends with my paternal grandmother so I could spend time with my father. My weekends at my father's were what started my love of video games. He had an original Nintendo system with Duck Hunt. I'd play that for hours.

I still remember getting a Gameboy for Christmas and thinking it was the coolest thing ever. Later I got a Super Nintendo, Playstation 2, Gameboy Color and Xbox 360. For graduation, I bought myself a Nintendo DSlite. Now I'm saving up for a purple 3DS. But my console history isn't the point of this article. The point is how it FEELS to be a pro gamer who happens to have a vagina.


Most people who know me know I'm VERY passionate about my gaming. For the past seven years, I have been a pro-gamer on the Xbox 360. I started out in the PMS/H20 Clan. PMS was an all girls clan (H20 was their 'brother' clan) where a girl could (supposedly) game without harassment. I joined as a member of their Rhythm division (Rock Band 1&2 Expert Vocals/ Bassist). When the division became casual, due to lack of members, I moved on to Left4Dead 1&2. I quickly worked my way through the ranks, becoming a Practice Captain and eventually the Captain of "Team Omega", an MLG (Major League Gaming) Pro team.

 After being with the clan for nearly two years, I left due to a conflict of believes between myself and my superiors and the way things were run within the clan. After leaving the PMS/H20 clan, I was a 'free agent' on Battlefield Bad Company, Bad Company 2 and Battlefield 3. I bounced around until I was approached by a member of the eSaC (Elite Silent Assassins Clan). He had seen me play Battlefield 3 and was impressed and asked me to join him in Call of Duty: Black Ops 2. I had despised Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2, but I decided to give it a shot.

Tucked what I thought was safely behind my [eSaC] add on, I began my uphill onslaught into this strange new world. Players here were different. The men (a few woman, outside of PMS), I had encountered in my previous "careers" as a gamer had always been very well spoken. Most were my age. A majority of the people I play Battlefield with were my parent's age or even older. Now I was running into nine year old boys who were up at midnight on a school night and cursed like sailors. I pretty much ignored it, pushing along and learning the ropes. I received the acolyte of "One Shot, One Kill" as a sniper (100 headshots with 100 bullets), even though I still prefer being a "run and gun" type with a LSAT or T25. I'm a Sergeant of Squad 1, Captain of the (fledgling) Female Division and the Military Liaison directly to the General. If six people (the standard squad size) with the [eSaC] enter a room, sometimes the room empties out. We're good. And we are recognized as good.
But sometimes I'm playing alone. The [eSaC] does not "protect" me then. At those times, I am just a girl in a sea of testosterone. Normally I'll mute everyone, but not before the steams of "I'm gonna rape you" or "Get back in the kitchen" start. I have had people send me messages about how they are going to find out where I live and come "put me in my place". Which according to them is either in the kitchen or on my knees. They get more mad when go positive (having a kill/death ration greater than 1). They automatically assume I have an aimbot (which assists you in aiming down the sights of a gun) or are hacking (manipulation of the game in a way to make a person harder/impossible to hit, earn scorestreaks faster, or have unlimited ammo). I've been told to "give my boyfriend back his headset" since there was no WAY a girl just head shot that guy across the map. If you can think of an insult, I have been on the receiving end of it.

I guess I could just ignore it, but why should I have to? Why is it necessary to berate me simply because I am female? On that token, how can the assume I am female. Because of my gamer tag? Because my voice is a higher octave then those around me (although I have been called a twelve year old boy who needed to 'get his tip wet' before he tried to play with the big boys. I went 24 and 0 on that round. I think I 'got my tip wet').

It is only a game, right? Well, no, it is not 'just a game'. MLG holds tournaments where hundreds of thousands (and sometimes millions) of dollars are at stake. I can understand how that would make people more competitive, but why does it have to make them downright rude? Why is it so hard for gamers to have the same standards as, say, sports players? When was the last time you went to a high school sports game and heard the players yelling at each other what they were going to do to whose mother and telling the cheerleaders to go back in the kitchen. I don't think it is something I have EVER experienced, and I went to a lot of games in high school (not truly by choice, I was in school band and on color guard). Maybe it is about time to accept that I am playing hardball with people who seem to be unable to respect me simply because I am a girl.

No. I do not think I am going to accept that. Instead I am going to keep kicking ass and taking names. I will just keep falling into lobbies and dominating all those there. I will stick with my team, working our way up the ladders of MLG until we are 'famous'. Call of Duty: Ghosts drops next week, hell yeah I am getting it. And I will kick ass at that too!

Visit the [eSaC] at www.esassassins.com (now recruiting (especially my fellow bad ass women!)


Madame Poisyn LaRue is a self-described "square peg in a round hole." She has an Associates of Science in Visual Communications and is pursuing her Associate of the Arts in Theater with a minor in Music. Although she's at home on the stage, she's just as comfortable under the hood of a Chevy, covered in oil and grease but still wearing 5" heels. You can follow the Madame on Facebook or at her website and of course, here on I Feel Delicious! 

Playing in the Boys' Playground: Mommy's Little Monster

By Poisyn LaRue

When I was growing up, my mother (bless her heart) did EVERYTHING in her power to make me a little girly girl. Frilly dresses, Barbie dolls, you name it. If it was marketed to girls in my age group, I had it. I did the dance classes and attended the Catholic schools. My mother spent thousands (if not millions) of dollars that she didn't really have to ensure I would grow up into a fine young lady.

And what did she get?

A race car building, video game playing, card carrying member of the NRA that you literally have

Mdme. Poisyn with her daughter

to BRIBE to get into a dress (I have an understanding with skirts: If it's short enough to possibly pass for a belt and over top amazing tights, we can talk). So maybe I didn't turn out like my mother wanted. But she still says I turned out pretty well.

It's pretty funny; I used to think I belonged in the crazy house until after my daughter was born. I always felt like an outcast among girls my age, mostly because I'd rather be under the hood of an old Chevy than wandering around the mall for hours on end. That really didn't change much after I became a mom, except now I had a little set of hands to reach into the engine bay to retrieve tools or a screw that had escaped. Don't get the wrong idea, my little girl is pretty well rounded. She has dolls, even if they're mostly from the "Monster High" franchise. She'll wear a dress a lot easier than I will, but she won't hesitate to climb up a tree and show the world her "baby butt" if I'm not careful. She likes zombies and video games, but she also likes dancing and  My Little Pony.

1997 Chevy Cavalier Z24 - The Purple Monster

But if you ask her what her favorite thing is, you'll get a pretty straight answer. "Mommy's little purple monster". Ya'll probably looking at me like I'm crazy thinking "What in God's name is this little girl talking about?" My purple monster was the first car my little girl ever was old enough to have a truly "hands on" approach with.  She was bought in 2012, when my daughter was five. I picked up the stock 1997 Chevrolet Cavalier Z24 for just under $2,000. My little girl helped me shop for it and picked it out because it was my favorite color, purple (dark mulberry metallic with red flake, for the car nerds following).

Over the course of 6 months, my daughter learned how to install coilovers (to replace the stock suspension) and lower a car. We swapped the stock sixteen inch rims for eighteens with thin wall tires. We also painted those eighteens sky blue. She learned how to install a stereo system, speakers, cold air intake, new headlights and tail lights. On top of all this was the daily maintenance, like oil changes and spark plugs. She helped me every step of the way, never once did I chase her inside. It was great to see her face light up when we went to car shows or the track with the "monster". It may have only been "just a Cavalier", but to me and my daughter it was a project worth having. Now she gets excited when I talk about our next "project", a 1999 Sunvalier that we're gathering parts for.

So maybe being under the hood of a car isn't normal "mother/daughter bonding", but it works for us.

Madame Poisyn LaRue is a self-described "square peg in a round hole." She has an Associates of Science in Visual Communications and is pursuing her Associate of the Arts in Theater with a minor in Music. Although she's at home on the stage, she's just as comfortable under the hood of a Chevy, covered in oil and grease but still wearing 5" heels. You can follow the Madame on Facebook or at her website and of course, here on I Feel Delicious!