Starter Quests Are the Worst! (Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Newbies)

By Keelah Monster Cosplay (Formerly Tali'Belle)

No matter what your goal in the cosplay community or any alt scene for that matter, it pays to be nice. Better to be a Margaery than a Cersei, after all if you intend to be queen. When people like you, they are more likely to do things for you and more likely to genuinely want to see you succeed. To better explain my comparison to non-George R.R. Martin fans, when Cersei Lannister was queen of king’s landing, she acted like it put her far above everyone else and flaunted her wealth and influence and all her family could do to punish people who crossed her, Margaery Tyrell played the game better, though, she walked among the people, helped them and took personal interest in them. Guess who that worked out better for? (At least so far, no one’s lifespan is guaranteed in those books.)

Margaery Tyrell from Game of Thrones

But anyway let’s begin with the cosplay community. There are people who are just starting out and they all go about the anxiety that comes with taking to such a new, involved, highly critical cosplay in very different ways. Some put up a front with bravado and pretend they know more than they do, some are quiet and frightened to ask for advice and then become defensive when someone might be better or offer advice, and then there’s the dreaded weeaboo. Loud, excitable, overly obsessive, unable to interact properly or politely, taking most of their public mannerisms from GIR of Invader Zim fame or Foamy the Squirrel with disastrous results for the image of their fandom and the cosplay community as a whole. These people, like their gothic equivalent, Baby Bats, like to believe that they and they alone are unique in a world full of Barbie clones and posers, they often spawn internal misogyny or nice guy syndrome where they believe that other members of their gender are vapid, cruel, and mean as I mentioned before in my ‘fake geek girl’ post. Above all, this kind of person is very annoying.

However stop and think for a second. Everyone’s been in a situation where they felt different and ostracized. In those scenarios isn’t it a kneejerk reaction to believe that you are Wednesday Addams in a world of Amanda Buckmans? Of course it is, and isn’t it fun to see Wednesday screw up that trite, uncomfortably racist first Thanksgiving play by setting things on fire? Of course it was, and that’s fine, movies where someone like you is the protagonist and makes the
vapid jerks pay are cathartic, but in real life it is never so black and white. Even Kim Kardashian and Megan Fox have feelings and dreams and things that make them human no matter how awful they may seem as human beings. Not every slender blonde with a Prada bag and Abercrombie and Fitch outfit is an evil bimbo who hates you. But can a kid who’s grown up with nothing but movie interpretations of interactions with ‘normies’ possibly fathom that?

Cersei Lannister from Game of Thrones

Consider, many people who latch onto fringe cultures already have trouble fitting in, they can feel ostracized, some may have social anxiety or be awkward around others. As a young teen or preteen who already has these feelings, also finding a love for alt culture is one more thing they can feel prevents them from fitting in, throw in that at that age everyone is immature and bullying is a very real problem, and it can become very easy for them to conclude those movies were true. Someone is going to dump pig’s blood on them at the prom or lock them in the Harmony Hut or even physically hurt them in their mind and so an all too common defense mechanism is to lash out first or write off everyone as a vapid poser Barbie wannabe clone. Believe me, I know. That’s why it’s so hard to write my Lipstick Love Letter piece.

When I was twelve, I went to regular public school. I grew up on a heavy dose of sci-fi, horror, teen comedies, and geek culture. In elementary school that’s really okay, few people are going to bully you because everyone plays Pokemon in elementary school, everyone collects action figures, everyone watches cartoons, things are pretty well universal when you’re a child no matter what the glittery pink aisle that boldly insisted ‘GIRLS’ at the toy store wanted you to believe, as far as we were concerned in elementary school, Esmeralda could be rescued from Frollo by the timely intervention of the Autobots and no one would bat an eyelash, Princess Aurora was secretly the pink Power Ranger and sleep fought Rita Repulsa...and/or Maleficent, same headpiece style and all. But I digress. The point is, suddenly as you grow up, everyone’s interests shift…or stay relatively the same but start to incorporate new ideas and feelings from a maturing mind, suddenly all my friends who used to want to trade Pokemon or play Sailor Moon were into the dreaded makeup, boys, cheerleading! And of course being raised on teen movies that taught me cheerleaders were mean bullies, I panicked.

So I put on my Hot Topic gear, got some makeup of my own (ANTI-MAKEUP) and shunned things like Charmed and The OC and other things teenage girls watched in favor of Utena and Hellsing. And like so many weeaboos and baby bats before me, I was loud and proud about my interests to the point of being disruptive and rude, but you couldn’t tell me that, oh no, everyone was mean to me because I was different and special and they just couldn’t handle that, not because I went off on tangents about my anime to the point that we never got out of a lesson early even when other classes had. Not because I begged my English teacher to let me read terrible fan fiction in class as extra credit or because I openly told people from my school that I hated it and everyone there was a baka gaijin who didn’t understand the amazing depth of my manga collection (to be fair, I still enjoy a lot of my manga, I stand by it being pretty trippy and cool.)

Hurtful meme found on the Internet directed at Weeaboos

 I never once stopped to think that I was being rude and forcing something these other kids had no interest in on them, they didn’t hate me because I was different, they hated me because I was an insufferable jerk who took it upon myself to force my interests on them when for the most part none of them ever tried to do the same. And even then there were people who were still nice to me. The cheerleader who secretly loved Card Captor Sakura, the football captain who chatted cheerfully about his favorite Final Fantasy strategies, but I overlooked these people and acted like a grade A jerk. Which doesn’t excuse the older kids beating me up or shoving me down stairs, but rest assured I was not just some innocent victim that everyone hated because she was so special.

Then I went to a private school where most of the kids were just like me, creative, into what I was, weird, quirky, artsy. The problem was most of us brought our clique problems and social structure beliefs with us to school but no one wanted to admit that so did they, which continued the cycle of bullying and hatred, except now it was geek-on-geek bullying. There were only really two upper classmen who ever really stood by me and befriended me entirely instead of bullying or ignoring me and my group. One of those people was Caitlin Seida, who brought me into writing for I Feel Delicious. She was also the one who took time (in small doses) to talk to me and show me that not everyone was against me and eventually I grew up into a half-way decent person. I still have moments of vehement dislike for people I don’t know based on something they do that rubs me the wrong way, but with time and patience, I can look past whatever my initial dislike came from, be it annoying over enthusiasm, bravado bordering on Miles Gloriosus, or genuine rudeness.

All most newbies need is a gentle guiding hand to push them in the right direction and learn to understand what they’re doing wrong and why it bothers people. Everyone needs a friend, everyone deserves to be loved and cared for and to experience an element of human kindness, and every young kid just getting into a subculture needs to be taught the basics. You weren’t perfect when you started wearing Lolita, your first cosplay wasn’t screen accurate, perfect, and handmade, your first goth ensemble wasn’t top of the line Euro-goth couture or Harajuku finds, you started somewhere and so must they. So offer your hand in friendship, not in punishment. Be a Margaery, not a Cersei.

Keelah Monster (formerly Tali'Belle) is a fashion and costume design student with twelve years of cosplay experience. She operates Fleet and Flotilla: Dextro Couture and Salvage on Etsy. Her main cosplay is Tali'Zorah Vas Normandy and her current preferred convention is Dragon Con. You can keep up with her on DeviantArt  or Twitter. And of course, you can find her posts here on I Feel Delicious!

Gabourey Sidibe Looks Fabulous - and Don't Tell Her Otherwise

By Caitlin Seida

Gabourey (Gabby) Sidibe is awesome. And I'm going to tell you why. When she was up for the title role in Precious, she got some flack from Joan Cusack. "Oh honey," she said "You should really quit the (acting) business. It's so image-conscious." And Joan was right on the money - Hollywood is an image-conscious place. But what Ms. Cusack didn't bank on was the fact that there are millions of Americans who want to see someone like them - in ethnicity, weight, or both - portraying kickass characters.

Sidibe got nominated for an Academy Award for her role as Precious, and has gone on to do more roles - most notably Andrea in "The Big C" and Queenie in season three of American Horror Story (American Horror Story: Coven).

So her name is out there, her image is out there - what don't people get? She's a big, black, beautiful woman. And this still seems to shock people - most recently regarding the dress she wore and her appearance at the 2014 Golden Globe Awards.

And wouldn't you know it? The nastiness started on social media. There were the usual fat jokes and the "is she pregnant?" comments, and some notable tweets using the hashtags "ImSurprisedSheCouldFitInTheFrame" and "IThinkSheAteTheGoldenGlobes."

In true I Feel Delicious style, Gabby Sidibe fired back at her critics, issuing this tweet:

To people making mean comments about my GG pics, I mos def cried about it on that private jet on my way to my dream job last night. #JK
— Gabourey Sidibe (@GabbySidibe) January 13, 2014

The Dress In Question

With her head held high and a little bit of humor (and a lot of dignity), Gabourey handled the situation well. Having been on the receiving end of the same type of criticisms that Gabby got (and I don't get paid nearly as much - need a writer, Gabs? Please?), that kind of stuff HURTS when hundreds of people - people whose opinions shouldn't matter in the first place - pile on about something that really shouldn't matter.

I mean, really, how many of the people taking potshots at her appearance are actually earning as much as she is, working a job they love and looking and feeling fabulous doing so? Her weight - or anyone else's - is between her and her doctor. Not her and you, or her and the Internet. So shove off.

For what my opinion is worth (not too much), I think she looked pretty darn good. Her dress emphasized her bust, and the embellishment in the center called attention up to her face - She didn't look trashy, didn't show too much skin (but still managed to up the sexy factor with well placed bust darts - yeowzah!) and her hair, clutch, and earrings evoked an Old Hollywood style that suits her well. Also? Her makeup was flawless. And while I'm not a fan of pointy-toed shoes personally, they went well with her dress and looked like they'd be pretty comfy  - always a plus in my eyes.

In true Sidibe style, she also got a lot of positive support for the way she handled the criticisms, and thanked her fans with a follow up tweet (for those wondering, no, she really doesn't have a private jet. She's not that fancy!). The humor and grace this actress shows are uncharacteristic of a rather big name Hollywood actress - I'd recommend following her on Twitter. She gained a follower in me after this incident.

Plus size or BBW actresses like Gabourey Sidibe, Nikki Blonsky, Cathrine Manheim, Rosie O'Donnell, Roseanne, and even retro Rikki Lake deserve mad props - they're going out there and pursuing their passion and earning money while doing so. And they're also inspiring other young women to not get down on themselves because of their size. Sure, Hollywood is image-conscious, but that image doesn't have to be the same cookie cutter mold for everyone.

Keep rocking on, Gabourey!

A Look Into the Ludicrous World of ‘Fake Geek Girl’ Shaming

By Tali’Belle Cosplay

What is your cosplay’s name? It is Tali’Zorah Vas Normandy Nar Rayya. What is her quest? To reclaim her home world, Rannoch, and help Shepard defeat the Reapers. What is her favored weapon!? Well, what do you mean? A power based weapon or a firearm? –beat- I don’t know that..WAAAAAAHHH! Keelah…Is he coming back? No?

Well, with that trivia nut over a cliff, I’m Tali’Belle Cosplay and this article is about exactly that: The Arthurian questing amount of hoops a female geek has to jump through in order to be accepted as a geek. Can you name every single Robin? Name two Batman villainesses that aren’t Catwoman, Poison Ivy, or Harley Quinn! Ha, anyone can do that, phony, now recite the Jedi and Sith codes perfectly whilst juggling lightsabers and denouncing the Star Wars prequels and hell, even the originals, in favor of the expanded universe (only for TRUE FANS!) Can’t do that? Aww, too bad, you can’t join our boys club.

Darth Makenna - Used under CC License from Jarrah Hodge

This may sound rather silly, but it is quite common in geek culture unfortunately, so much so that even professional writers have been shown to have their heads rectally implanted when it comes to the very idea of the female geek. But really, the worst of it is that we female geeks can get in on it towards each other.

But Tali’Belle, you’re the cosplay columnist, why is this issue related to you? Well, citizen, if you are a frequent reader you may recall the tale of Jaime, our lovely Morrigan cosplayer from my bullying and harassment article. She got quite the third degree for being attractive and cosplaying as Morrigan, didn’t she? That is unfortunately all too common: Bullying in the form of a special sort of slut shaming and misogyny.

It has been suggested that this mind set basically came about because of the stereotypical Hollywood high school film tropes. Kids see these movies, think it’s normal, non-nerds bully nerds, nerds accuse non-nerds who haven’t done anything of being bullies, non-nerds fight back, it’s a vicious cycle that really only continues because it’s how kids are brought up to believe the world works.

 Unfortunately in this day and age a two income household is practically a requirement in a two parent home, and then you have single parents or homes where one parent doesn’t or can’t work, but in most homes one thing is very common: for whatever reason parents are absent or don’t have time for their kids, which leads to them letting TV raise them (I don’t include internet or video games because the tropes that cause the bullying cycle originated in teen movies and don’t really carry through in very many games.)

CC License from Malin Sjoberg

But I’m getting off target, the point is this society has led to nerd culture viewing fandoms and geekery as an escape and if people they liken to the pretty girls who ‘ignored’ or ‘mocked’ them can be part of it, then where can they go? Which also leads to female geeks getting in on the action.

There’s also the belief that if one chooses to take time and money to work on their appearance, they aren’t true to their geekdom because they’re not devoting all their time to it (actually beating the tar out of Kai Leng while wearing a green tea cleansing mask is incredibly satisfying and most skin and hair treatments are meant to sit while you do other things, including game or read or work on cosplays (though I don’t recommend that as hair dye will stain your fabric)). It’s an all or nothing mentality and rings a bit hypocritical since most of geek culture has interests outside of one set fandom.

Recently Warner Brothers has contributed to this nightmarish debacle of discrimination by actively saying they don’t WANT female fans of their super hero shows since girls don’t buy merchandise apparently. Oh really? Someone better tell my friends that girls don’t like buying merchandise; it’d save us all a lot of money on Harley Quinn trinkets or Teen Titans DVDs or Batman comics. Come on, patriarchy, I thought the stereotype was that we women did nothing BUT shop, make up your minds, boys!

Let me let you in on a little secret: Fake geek girl isn’t a thing that actually exists. Being a nerd or a geek is about enjoying something or being enthusiastic about it. People who don’t want girls (or ‘normal girls’/’preppy girls’/whatever) in their little private social club, literally the equivalent of a preschool ‘NO GURLZ ALOUD’ tree house sign, arbitrarily choose and change what does or doesn’t make someone a geek and what is and isn’t a stereotype about females. After all, how can women not buy merchandise but do nothing but shop? It’s a contradiction. How can a woman only want attention and not care about the subject matter she’s portraying when she’s taken literally hundreds of dollars (sometimes thousands) and months of time and energy to perfect a costume? Only in a world where what makes someone ‘fake’ changes arbitrarily to suit the needs of a bully. 

Diablo III Cosplayers at Igromir 2013 - CC License by Sergey Galyonkin

And yes, let’s be frank here: if you are belittling and insulting someone to push them out of your clique, you are a bully, simple at that. You are Regina George. You are the jocks in Revenge of the Nerds. You are Flash Thompson (jerk jock variation, none of the heroic interpretations), you are Nelson Nash, you are Gao the Lesser (except you aren’t voiced by Nathan Fillion and don’t know kung fu, which actually makes you worse), you are Crabbe and Goyle, Dudley Dursley, every jerkass bully who ever got their comeuppance, and you are turning the very person YOU perceive as the bully in that situation into the hero of the story.

So remember, ‘fake geek girls’, if people give you shit about being who you are and still enjoying geeky things? You aren’t fake, there’s nothing wrong with you, you are Hermione Granger, you are Katniss Everdeen, you are Commander Jane Shepard, you are Lara Croft; you are the heroine of your story and you will prevail and come out on top, just keep doing what you love and see the bullies and misogynists for what they are. In fact call them on it. Politely ask them why they think that way, normally you’ll lead them into a spluttering circle of confusion or a vicious spewing of patriarchal vitriol. Either way, you win because they look downright stupid or insane.

Tali'Belle is a fashion and costume design student with twelve years of cosplay experience. She operates Fleet and Flotilla: Dextro Couture and Salvage on Etsy. Her main cosplay is Tali'Zorah Vas Normandy and her current preferred convention is Dragon Con. You can keep up with her on DeviantArt  or Twitter. And of course, you can find her posts here on I Feel Delicious!

Dead or Alive: Extreme Bikini Cosplay

By Tali’Belle Cosplay

Video games put a lot of emphasis on sex appeal, mostly for men using women, but sometimes it’s the other way around (Zevran Araini and Thane Krios are good examples of more sexualized males in video games, but there are others.) And you know what? This really isn’t a problem for me. Whatever, you wanna make a woman wear a skin tight cat suit that shows off a ton on cleavage while she guns down celestial beings or have a blue skinned space babe snap necks with her thigh high high heeled boots? That’s your business and as long as she’s still a good character with thought and energy put into her, I really don’t care. Hell, Sylvanas Windrunner and Jaina Proudmoore can have a drunken lesbian make out session in bikinis for all I care as long as they still command armies, cities, and respect while kicking ass. A sexy girl doesn’t have to be looked down upon and disrespected….

Harley Quinn and Catwoman cosplays at Comicon Chile. Copyright Javier Rosh, used under a CC License

Unless you’re in the cosplay community. So much whining of ‘Ohh this cosplayer wears such skimpy outfits!’ or ‘Ohh she’s an attention whore!’ Um….good theory, Sherlock, or maybe I could deduce a new one? Perhaps she’s going for accuracy based on a costume that really looks like that? Ladies and gents, let’s not pretend we all hate and disdain Dead or Alive or Soul Calibur or other fighting games with completely impractical outfits. They are a ton of fun and what small character development you get to see in game is fun, quirky, and diverse. But there is not a lot of variety in the nature of costumes. I could dress as Helena Douglass rather than Tina Armstrong, I could be Sophitia rather than Ivy, but there would still be a ton of cleavage and either skin tight painted on pants or a short skirt. Besides, cosplay should be about whom you love and what you feel comfortable in, not trying to cater to hypocritical slut shamers and prudes.

Soul Caliber Tira and Talim cosplay. Copyright megadem. Used under a CC License.

You know, I used to be firmly in the other camp. Cosplay shouldn’t be for attention! You’re dressing slutty! Whine whine whine, jealousy, jealousy, jealousy. But you know what? After being squarely called out on my bullshit, I took a step back and had a look. It’s not the cosplayers in skimpy costumes who are wrong, it’s the view society has that if a female dresses in something skimpy, she is dressing up for men and is an attention seeking slut. Now keeping this open ended, there may be some exceptions in the cosplay community, but this is not a piece to perpetuate slut shaming and calling people out, so if there is, here’s a bombshell: IT IS NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS. Can they afford/make the cosplay? Do they credit people who may have contributed? Are they happy and having a good time? If you answered yes to these questions, then shut your mouth, it’s not your business why they’re cosplaying in what outfit. Crawl back into your panel and try and find a way to enjoy a con that doesn’t involve picking on others.

Oh, but costumes that actually are skimpy aren’t the only problem. Oh no, slut shamers and jerks will make a completely ordinary costume into something overtly sexual even if it covers more than a hijab and burqa. Dressing as Sue Storm or Harley Quinn? Too tight! Ugh! All that slutty, slutty spandex! Hell, even when I dress as Tali, I still get the occasional: Oh, it’s hugging her body so tightly, she totally wants attention, she’s totally getting off on Talimancers looking at her. Or maybe I just really like and identify with this character.



 And of course, as mentioned before, if your body is anything less than perfect then a ‘skimpy’ or ‘tight’ costume can be used as an excuse to take you down a peg and call you out on things because how dare you have the self-confidence to dress as a character you enjoy without being a Barbie!? Actually, this is one of the reasons Dragon Con is now my home con and not Otakon. At Otakon, catty high school aged weeaboos had begun to reign supreme. Woe to any Yoko Litner over a hundred pounds, death be upon a Seras Victoria with thick thighs. I was a ‘fat cosplayer’ there because I have large hips and my belly isn’t perfectly flat. But at Dragon Con, there were lovely ladies of every size in outfits ranging from full armor to chain mail bikinis and no one batted an eyelash I heard maybe one catty comment all week, and that was craftsmanship related and they probably thought no one could hear them anyway. No one was mean to people. My boyfriend Robert and I even got thunderous applause at the costume contest despite my thighs and belly and his magnificent chest hair peeking out of his robe.

Yaya Han as Emma Frost, from the mistress's Facebook Page

But I digress. Are you conventionally attractive and in a skimpy costume? Don’t worry; the slutshaming nitpickers haven’t forgotten you. I’m going to gush about my idol, Yaya Han, again for a while. Yaya recently got a show on Sci Fi called Heroes of Cosplay. It was highly controversial and created a bit of a rift in the cosplay community, but as long as you accepted it as reality TV, it was honestly harmless and actually kind of fun to watch. Plus it helped my mom understand my hobby better, so Yaya, if you happen to be linked this or Google yourself and find this, thanks! You had a hand in helping me get a little extra help paying for costuming school and materials to start a small business!

But anyway, immediately some other cosplayers I used to idolize let out their claws and showed how ugly their egos can be when they tore into Yaya about tiny minute details that any cosplayer could overlook. ‘Her contacts for Fiora Nightraven are the wrong color!’ ‘Domino doesn’t use that weapon!’ ‘Emma Frost doesn’t wear pants like that!’ (Actually, yes she does sometimes and also Yaya outright said she wasn’t comfortable cosplaying in a thong, hence the pants.) The vitriol went on obsessively to the point where it was no longer a critique on controversial things in her show, it was tearing down a fellow cosplayer who is doing what she loves and working tirelessly to run a business, promote our hobby as normal and interesting, and still have a good time. Not to mention the age shaming. They said she was ‘aging’ because she’s over twenty-five. Now you tell me who’s making cosplay look bad. A cosplayer who dresses sexy or a cosplayer who talks cruelly about others?

The cosplay community is so quick to accuse each other of attention whoring and being a ‘fake geek’ (which I will address next week), and forget that skimpy costumes and sexy outfits come from a point of accuracy. It rings a mite hypocritical to say ‘I need my Asari tendrils to feel EXACTLY LIKE CARTILEGE SO IT’S ACCURATE!’ or ‘I need to use nothing but real Italian leather in my Zevran cosplay!’ and then throw a shit fit because you see an Arkham City Harley Quinn prancing around in a bra with her thong showing, or a Tiny Armstrong in a bikini.

 Tali'Belle is a fashion and costume design student with twelve years of cosplay experience. She operates Fleet and Flotilla: Dextro Couture and Salvage on Etsy. Her main cosplay is Tali'Zorah Vas Normandy and her current preferred convention is Dragon Con. You can keep up with her on DeviantArt  or Twitter. And of course, you can find her posts here on I Feel Delicious!

I’m Not Perfect (and That’s Okay)

By Tali’Belle Cosplay

I preach body positivity, but I’m not thin enough to ever hope for Jaina Proudmoore’s silhouette. I preach cosplaying for fun, but my silhouette in my envirosuit is the only silhouette I smile at. I preach being nice to others and not criticizing, insulting, or harassing…but I’m my own worst bully. Nothing that small handful of petty girls harassing me for cosplaying a pairing they don’t like could say could hurt me as badly as what I think of myself.

Tali'Belle herself, from DeviantArt

Cosplay makes me happy, I feel good about myself when people compliment my pics or say kind things to me in public at conventions. My spirit soars and I smile bright and wide, I laugh, I joke, I have a wonderful time. But….


That’s what I was going to write. It was hopeless, it was depressing, it was not a very positive message. But here’s the thing, no one is perfect. No one at all. Yaya Han says things that are misinterpreted and needs to redo small mistakes when she makes things too, Jennifer Lawrence gets called fat, my friends from Tumblr to Deviantart to Facebook show that almost every cosplayer has some painful insecurity that hurts them.

 Even the characters I idolize and dress as have imperfections. Tali is insecure in her leadership abilities, can be opinionated, and gets flustered and nervous at times, but she still wields her shot gun and tech powers expertly, she’s still regarded as one of the sweetest, most genuinely good, loyal, and well-loved characters you can recruit, and is a favorite romance option. Jaina Proudmoore was too trusting, was never on time for anything, and was wrought with regret over many, many things and now she’s let the betrayals she suffered make her bitter and angry, but Jaina is also one of the strongest, most capable mages of all time, not just of her gender but her entire class and has led both cities and armies. Sweetie Belle is naïve, a little less than the brightest bulb in the box, and can be very annoying but her friends and family love her and she’s a true and loyal friend.

Tali'Belle as Jaina Proudmoore, from DeviantArt

Imperfections make us real, imperfections make us alive, imperfections make us interesting. Would Tali be considered half as cute and sweet if she didn’t stumble over her words with Shepard? Would she be regarded as a well-rounded character if she wasn’t wrong sometimes and didn’t grow from learning she was? Would, say, Lara Croft, be such a great character and role model for female gamers if she hadn’t started out as a terrified girl who could barely fire a gun fighting for her life and sometimes making the wrong choices for the right reasons?

People don’t like Lara, like Tali, like Jaina because they’ve got perfect, beautiful, flawless bodies. The fact is in real life they wouldn’t, those are pixels and besides, Tali’s wide hips are some people’s favorite part of her, Jaina’s somewhat less glamorous face was highly preferred to her heavily made up newer model (not that wearing makeup is bad, it can be fun and is a major healthy self-esteem boost to get prettied up), Lara’s fan base, even those who sexualize her, for the most part are drawn to her strength. We as cosplayers, as geeks, as people forget that these characters, like us, have faults and imperfections that don’t make people like them any less.

I think ultimately, this backs up the entire message of my posts in general. Don’t be perfect, be a human being, accept and treat others as human beings, be kind, be courteous, be good. If you are kind to others in your community, you will find friends. You may not talk all the time or even know each other too well off the internet and outside the con, but you will know them and you know their insecurities, their fears, their hopes, the things they like and you will see they are just like you…You will not feel alone. We are all imperfect and that’s okay. If you live with your imperfections, you are not a bad person. If you fix them with medicine or surgery or makeup, you are not a bad person. If you want to but can’t afford it, you are not a bad person.


No one has the right to tell you how to think or feel. Don’t let what cruel people with nothing better to do than hurt others affect you. Anyone who goes out of their way to hide behind a private anonymous message or a screen name and say hateful things about you and has nothing better to do isn’t worth your time. Improve imperfections that hurt others in the healthiest way you can and do what you will with the ones that don’t affect anyone.

 Tali'Belle is a fashion and costume design student with twelve years of cosplay experience. She operates Fleet and Flotilla: Dextro Couture and Salvage on Etsy. Her main cosplay is Tali'Zorah Vas Normandy and her current preferred convention is Dragon Con. You can keep up with her on DeviantArt  or Twitter. And of course, you can find her posts here on I Feel Delicious!

The Faces and Words of Domestic Violence

By Barbara Alvarez

You’re all about respect – self-respect, showing respect to others and expecting others show respect toward you. When it doesn't happen, you may feel disillusioned and wary about the person who disrespected you.


When it comes to someone treating you badly, however, do you know how to recognize it? When s/he tells you “You’re worthless. You’re a slut. You cheated on me,” do you recognize that as emotional and verbal abuse? Did you know that emotional/verbal abuse falls under the umbrella of domestic violence? Domestic violence isn't delivered at the end of a closed fist or a knife wielded in your partner’s hand.

Photo by Phoney Nickle. Used under Creative Commons License

Verbal and emotional abuse tear you down just as badly as that black eye, the bruises and the long cut on your arm will do. The difference is that, with one form of violence, nobody else sees the marks and scars. But you know they are there.

Eventually, you begin to doubt yourself. You begin to believe that you’re stupid, worthless and a slut. You may be nervous around your partner, trying to keep him or her from lashing out with hateful, confidence-destroying words.

Then there’s the physical violence. Did you know that it takes, on average, seven incidents of domestic violence before a victim leaves her abuser? And, when you don’t know how you’re going to survive financially, you may not believe you have any other choice but to go back. There’s another consideration: Victims undergo progressively worse attacks as time goes on – and one of these attacks could end in her death, or that of one of her children.

Sexual abuse – rape – also falls under the domestic violence umbrella. You may believe that, when s/he demands sex, you have no choice but to comply, even if you don’t feel like it. That is wrong. If you don’t feel like it, then being expected to “perform” is rape. It’s a crime, no matter whether you have bruises and cuts or not.

Photo by flickr.com/jesjon87. Used under a Creative Commons License

You deserve better. If you know someone experiencing one of these forms of relationship violence, she deserves better. You do have resources available in your community. Call the police or sheriff’s department when you are being assaulted. Find someone you know you can trust and tell them what’s happening to you. Eventually, you’ll need to escape. Find a close friend who will allow you to stay with her for a few days while you think about your future. Most communities have a domestic violence shelter. Law enforcement can give you the number and, if needed, take you there. Because of the high risk of danger to the residents, the location of this shelter is kept secret.


Call the National Domestic Violence hotline. That number is 1-800-799-7233. The TTY number is 1-800-787-3224. You’ll be able to get guidance to needed resources as well as learn just what domestic violence is, how it looks and how it affects you. You’ll also learn about the cycle of violence.

Remember, you are worthy of respect and love. If you are in the middle of an intimate relationship that has become violent, you deserve better. To take a quote from Kathryn Stockett’s “The Help,” You is smart, you is kind, you is important.

Barbara Alvarez earned her journalism and mass communications degree in December, 2006 and has been writing professionally since that time.

Alvarez has written and self-published two books, one non-fiction and one fiction. The non-fiction is intended for a military spouse niche. This book is written under a pen name: Diana M. Lopez.

The fiction is intended for anyone who loves to read about strong men and stronger women who
confront conflict even as they learn to adjust their beliefs about relationships and love.

Alvarez plans to write until she is very old – it is in her blood, along with crochet and cross stitch. She
is the mother of two grown sons.

You can keep up with Barbara at her website, or follow her on Facebook.  Of course you can also keep an eye out here for more of her work on I Feel Delicious!

Conventional Behavior: Doing Cons Right

By Tali’Belle Cosplay

So I've gone over a few things in the con/cosplay community which are awful, absolutely inappropriate, and just not right. "But Tali’Belle, hang on there!" you say, "How can we have fun at cons if there are so many rules and so many things we can’t do?" Well, citizen, first of all, it’s all about using your head, common sense and all that. If it’s inappropriate and rude in everyday life, it’s probably inappropriate and rude at a con too. But then things can get blurry when we take into account that at a con, you know you are surrounded by your fellow nerds and people who enjoy what you do. Is it appropriate to ask the cute couple cosplaying as Tali and Garrus if they plan to do some ‘Talibrations’ later? After all, you aren't insulting them or touching them, you’re joking. Can you yell ‘PASTAAAA’ if you’re cosplaying as Italy from Hetalia? After all, it IS in character. Is it permissible to ‘ship’ other cosplayers when dressed as Nepeta Leijon or another shipper/matchmaker character?

Copyright flickr.com/siredgar Used under Creative Commons License

Well, here’s the thing: conventions are fun, exciting, and a place where a nerd can feel at home, so by all means, if people aren't bothered by your behavior and it isn't hurting/endangering anyone (including yourself, it’s probably ill-advised for a Batman cosplayer to think they can actually glide off a third floor railing in the Marriott Marquis, all told. Even if he won’t land on anyone.) have a good time. But here are some things to consider:

The first thing is asking for a photograph/hug/handshake/etc. Be mindful of the person you are requesting it from as well as your location. Is the person upset, preoccupied, or rushing somewhere? If so, wait. You’ll probably see them again. Also, are you asking in the dealer’s hall or another crowded area? If so, take it outside, step out for a moment to a place that’s more relaxed where you won’t be in the way.

Now, permission is also important. Some cosplayers are shy, or self-conscious, or a host of other reasons they don’t wish to be photographed. Unless they have entered a contest on stage where photography is part of the package, you have to ask. Not only for their sake, but also for the sake of those around you. Younger con goers or parents who brought young children are there and what could be creepier than, say, a grown man with a camera aimed at a particularly attractive Sailor Scout without the cosplayer’s knowledge?

Robert Downey Jr. Invades Tom Hiddleston's Space. Don't be like RDJ!

As for the touching thing, from personal experience, let me explain to you: cosplayers of all ages, genders, and sizes have likely been perved on or groped before. They have no way of knowing you aren’t reaching for their crotch, ass, or breasts when going in for a hug, so please, ask before you do (and once given permission, keep in mind that isn't an invitation to go for those places, remember the picture of Tom Hiddleston with his arm around Emma Watson for a picture? Be like Tom Hiddleston, hug respectfully.)

Another thing to be aware of is your costume/prop. Cosplaying as Songbird or a Big Daddy from the Bioshock games? Awesome! Amazing costume, big ticket price or lots of hard work, I’m sure you’re very proud of it. But watch large parts or props like a wingspan or a weapon. I know from experience it is uncomfortable trying to sit with or carry one of these, but a staff should be carried upright and at your side or just ever so slightly in front of you unless you are posing. A sword should be sheathed or carried by your side; a gun must be holstered or, in the case of large ones like Seras Victoria of Hellsing’s Harkonnen Canon, carried like a staff. This is not just to avoid hurting other con goers but also to keep your prop from getting broken. Props are expensive and take a lot of skill and effort to craft; it is devastating for one to be destroyed.

On that note, same principal as touching a cosplayer applies to touching their props: Ask permission. You don’t know what it’s made of, how much it cost, how much work was put in, how delicate it is. Its owner does, so listen to them when they say whether or not you can hold/touch their prop and when they tell you how.

Copyright Doug Kline. Used Under a Creative Commons License

Remember the last article I wrote where our male model cosplayer Mark had a pregnant girlfriend who stayed home from the con? Consider your health. Not everyone follows con etiquette and accidents do happen. If you have a medical condition or are ill, it may be best to stay home. If not, most people do understand. Tickets are expensive and non-refundable and con plague IS a fact of life, as long as it isn't potentially life threatening, no one will hate you for showing up with a cold. As to being pregnant? If you still decide to show up, there is no shame or stigma. Maternity cosplays can be adorable (and who wouldn't think it was cute if our Drogo had had a lovely Daenerys carrying Rhaego inside of her cosplaying with him?) but please, be careful. Be alert for unruly congoers and dangerous situations because frankly some people are just plain stupid and think nothing of endangering fellow congoers. To those of you who are those people: stop it. There is NOTHING cute about someone getting hurt or worse because of your antics. Pouncing, glomping, etc. are NEVER appropriate unless it’s a previously agreed upon skit or photoshoot with a friend.

Thrall and Aggra from WoW

Both sides of the coin for harassment: For those of you who harass a fellow cosplayer; stop and think. This is a fellow human being with hobbies and interests in common with you. They are here to have a good time. Put your character hate aside. Appreciate the beauty of their cosplay. Are you cosplaying as Jaina Proudmoore and angry that Thrall was paired with Aggra instead? If you meet an Aggra cosplayer, here are some alternatives: Ignore her or else make friends, who knows what fun photos you two could have parodying that rivalry? As another example, say you ship Karkat/Terezi from Homestuck but a couple is cosplaying Dave/Terezi: again, that’s an opportunity to make a friend who just has a different opinion and get a funny photoshoot. I personally dream of the day I can do a Miranda Lawson vs. Tali photoshoot or aforementioned Aggra vs. Jaina. Even if you don’t like a character or a pairing, you still have something in common with this fellow human being who has the same enthusiasm you do for a fandom and you should embrace it.

Now, if you’re the one being harassed and the harasser isn’t rational enough to ignore you or simply be polite, go get con security. If you fight back, you will get kicked out as well; your ticket is non-refundable. Con security is supposed to deal with this sort of thing and 9.9 times out of ten, they will.

Twin Lara Crofts with Squall Leonhart in the middle. Copyright Bruce Moyle, Used Under a Creative Commons License

DON’T INSULT OTHER COSPLAYERS. So you worked hard on your cosplay, think you’re amazing and all, and then you see another person cosplaying the same character (I am guilty of this, but I’ve moved past it, thankfully). Everyone has the right to cosplay as the character they want. You are cosplaying a fictional entity. Rose Tyler isn’t real. Vriska Serket isn’t real. Commander Shepard isn’t real. Luna Lovegood isn’t real. Yuna isn’t real. Katniss Everdeen isn’t real and so on and so forth. You are [insert your legal name here], a human living in [insert country here] in the year 2013 (or maybe you’re reading this a few years from now, if so: Good news, everyone! You’re in the future!), and that other person is [their name here], not the character. Besides, if you act petty like that, you’re missing out on a wonderfully fun pastime called twinning. Common in J-Fashion communities, twinning is when you are wearing the same outfit (or a similar, complimenting outfit). Most rational, friendly cosplayers enjoy twinning and since I calmed my tits about others cosplaying the same character as me, I’ve had offer after offer for twinning photos and they are so much fun! Even if you don’t want to twin, keep in mind as above, this is a fellow human being who worked hard or paid a lot of money to make this costume a reality and they have just as much right to enjoy it as you do. If they did better in some way, you could even ask for tips. If you did better in some way and they ask, then you can give them tips.


Overall, cosplay and the convention scene is a community, it is for fun and meant to bring people together, to tell geeks and nerds everywhere: You are not alone. You have a family that is millions strong, let your flag fly, we welcome you. Divisive, cruel behavior should have no place in that sort of setting.

 Tali'Belle is a fashion and costume design student with twelve years of cosplay experience. She operates Fleet and Flotilla: Dextro Couture and Salvage on Etsy. Her main cosplay is Tali'Zorah Vas Normandy and her current preferred convention is Dragon Con. You can keep up with her on DeviantArt  or Twitter. And of course, you can find her posts here on I Feel Delicious!

The No-Neck Incident

By Amanda Flanigan

The other night, my husband and I went to a Halloween party thrown by his boss. This is the first Halloween party I have been to in over 10 years and it was fun to get out and mingle. It was an '80s theme and my husband went as He-Man and I as a Ghostbuster. There were about 20 to 25 people present and I only knew about 6 of them there. There was the usual chitchat, dancing, drinking, eating, picture taking and laughing.




As the hours went by, some of the guests began to depart for their comfy beds, leaving about 10 people (not including Mike and I) left. I decided to take a break from dancing and set down on the chair in the living room to drink some Dr. Pepper and cool down. I was joined by the host’s wife and three of her friends who all piled onto the couch to look at pictures they took with their digital camera. I was sitting only a few feet away.


I’m fat. This is something that I have dealt with since I was in the 5th grade and -- despite what people seem to think -- I know I am fat. I see myself in the mirror everyday and am not under any delusions as to my appearance. I am also not photogenic at all and have a horrible, horrible double chin.


Anyway, while the girls were going through the pictures they started giggling uncontrollably whispering (which wasn't so much as whispering because I could clearly here them), “Oh my god, she doesn't have a neck!” One of them ask who they were referring to and the other girls clearly motioned toward me while giggling. This conversation about me continued for several minutes while I sat only a few feet away hearing every word.


Now, I am the first person to make fun of myself and I try not to take myself too seriously. It has been a defense mechanism of mine for a very long time. I figured that if I made fun of myself first, it takes away the power from those who want to make comments maliciously to try to hurt me. And if they would have included me in the conversation, I would have laughed right along with them making comments about how I can turn into a thumb just by shifting my head downward. But no, these grown women, some with children of their own, decided that they would ignore me and then laugh about my no neck, double chin, fatness.


At 33 years of age, I still experience the mean girls. I honestly thought these types of incidents would end when I graduated high school. Never once did I think that other woman who themselves are overweight would ridicule me without even actually knowing me. At first, I was upset. How could I not be? I was so excited about going to this party and didn't think I would get made fun of. But as the night went on and we finally went home, I started to feel sorry for these women. What is missing in their lives that they would make fun of someone they just met based solely on a bad picture? That they would ignore that person even after her multiple attempts to befriend them.


I just hope that they themselves never experience the uncomfortable or ugliness that they showed toward me during that short exchange.




Manda began her writing career in 2007 writing for various online companies. She spends her time as a cat loving geek and mother to a teenager daughter. You can find more of her work at http://offwithherhead.org and of course here at I Feel Delicious!

Playing In the Boys Playground: My Life as a Pro-Gamer

By Poisyn LaRue

Back in the late '80s, I was an only child. My parents did not live together. I lived with my mother, my aunt, an older (male, yes this matters) cousin and my maternal grandmother most of the time and would spend weekends with my paternal grandmother so I could spend time with my father. My weekends at my father's were what started my love of video games. He had an original Nintendo system with Duck Hunt. I'd play that for hours.

I still remember getting a Gameboy for Christmas and thinking it was the coolest thing ever. Later I got a Super Nintendo, Playstation 2, Gameboy Color and Xbox 360. For graduation, I bought myself a Nintendo DSlite. Now I'm saving up for a purple 3DS. But my console history isn't the point of this article. The point is how it FEELS to be a pro gamer who happens to have a vagina.


Most people who know me know I'm VERY passionate about my gaming. For the past seven years, I have been a pro-gamer on the Xbox 360. I started out in the PMS/H20 Clan. PMS was an all girls clan (H20 was their 'brother' clan) where a girl could (supposedly) game without harassment. I joined as a member of their Rhythm division (Rock Band 1&2 Expert Vocals/ Bassist). When the division became casual, due to lack of members, I moved on to Left4Dead 1&2. I quickly worked my way through the ranks, becoming a Practice Captain and eventually the Captain of "Team Omega", an MLG (Major League Gaming) Pro team.

 After being with the clan for nearly two years, I left due to a conflict of believes between myself and my superiors and the way things were run within the clan. After leaving the PMS/H20 clan, I was a 'free agent' on Battlefield Bad Company, Bad Company 2 and Battlefield 3. I bounced around until I was approached by a member of the eSaC (Elite Silent Assassins Clan). He had seen me play Battlefield 3 and was impressed and asked me to join him in Call of Duty: Black Ops 2. I had despised Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2, but I decided to give it a shot.

Tucked what I thought was safely behind my [eSaC] add on, I began my uphill onslaught into this strange new world. Players here were different. The men (a few woman, outside of PMS), I had encountered in my previous "careers" as a gamer had always been very well spoken. Most were my age. A majority of the people I play Battlefield with were my parent's age or even older. Now I was running into nine year old boys who were up at midnight on a school night and cursed like sailors. I pretty much ignored it, pushing along and learning the ropes. I received the acolyte of "One Shot, One Kill" as a sniper (100 headshots with 100 bullets), even though I still prefer being a "run and gun" type with a LSAT or T25. I'm a Sergeant of Squad 1, Captain of the (fledgling) Female Division and the Military Liaison directly to the General. If six people (the standard squad size) with the [eSaC] enter a room, sometimes the room empties out. We're good. And we are recognized as good.
But sometimes I'm playing alone. The [eSaC] does not "protect" me then. At those times, I am just a girl in a sea of testosterone. Normally I'll mute everyone, but not before the steams of "I'm gonna rape you" or "Get back in the kitchen" start. I have had people send me messages about how they are going to find out where I live and come "put me in my place". Which according to them is either in the kitchen or on my knees. They get more mad when go positive (having a kill/death ration greater than 1). They automatically assume I have an aimbot (which assists you in aiming down the sights of a gun) or are hacking (manipulation of the game in a way to make a person harder/impossible to hit, earn scorestreaks faster, or have unlimited ammo). I've been told to "give my boyfriend back his headset" since there was no WAY a girl just head shot that guy across the map. If you can think of an insult, I have been on the receiving end of it.

I guess I could just ignore it, but why should I have to? Why is it necessary to berate me simply because I am female? On that token, how can the assume I am female. Because of my gamer tag? Because my voice is a higher octave then those around me (although I have been called a twelve year old boy who needed to 'get his tip wet' before he tried to play with the big boys. I went 24 and 0 on that round. I think I 'got my tip wet').

It is only a game, right? Well, no, it is not 'just a game'. MLG holds tournaments where hundreds of thousands (and sometimes millions) of dollars are at stake. I can understand how that would make people more competitive, but why does it have to make them downright rude? Why is it so hard for gamers to have the same standards as, say, sports players? When was the last time you went to a high school sports game and heard the players yelling at each other what they were going to do to whose mother and telling the cheerleaders to go back in the kitchen. I don't think it is something I have EVER experienced, and I went to a lot of games in high school (not truly by choice, I was in school band and on color guard). Maybe it is about time to accept that I am playing hardball with people who seem to be unable to respect me simply because I am a girl.

No. I do not think I am going to accept that. Instead I am going to keep kicking ass and taking names. I will just keep falling into lobbies and dominating all those there. I will stick with my team, working our way up the ladders of MLG until we are 'famous'. Call of Duty: Ghosts drops next week, hell yeah I am getting it. And I will kick ass at that too!

Visit the [eSaC] at www.esassassins.com (now recruiting (especially my fellow bad ass women!)


Madame Poisyn LaRue is a self-described "square peg in a round hole." She has an Associates of Science in Visual Communications and is pursuing her Associate of the Arts in Theater with a minor in Music. Although she's at home on the stage, she's just as comfortable under the hood of a Chevy, covered in oil and grease but still wearing 5" heels. You can follow the Madame on Facebook or at her website and of course, here on I Feel Delicious! 

Putting Your Mustache to Good Use: An Interview with Miss Movember, Jeanette Martin

By Caitlin Seida

Jeanette Martin, used with permission

The human body is a weird thing - sometimes we're given features we really would rather not have. Some women regularly pluck stray hairs from our bodies. But too many "cysters" (women with PCOS) know the pain that comes of being cursed with the ability to grow a lush beard or mustache that would be the envy of many a man. Not every woman with PCOS has unwanted facial hair, but for those that do it can be embarrassing, sometimes to the point of making it hard to leave the house without being on the verge of tears.

One cyster is standing up and kicking ass and using what Mother Nature gave her for the power of good. Jeanette Wilson-Martin, 32, of Bremerton, WA is doing exactly that. Last year Jeanette committed to growing out her facial hair for Movember, a movement that encourages men to grow out their facial hair in the month of November to raise funds and awareness for prostate and testicular cancer and other men's health issues. And she's doing it again this year.

" I heard about Movember on our local radio station the put out a call for any woman who would be willing to grow a mustache for Movember," she says. She reached out to them and joined their team. "A few weeks earlier my (now) husband was watching football, and I noticed all the pink for breast cancer awareness...I figured if they can wear pink I can wear my mustache!"

Jeanette's struggle with polycystic ovarian syndrome is a story that rings true for many cysters. Jeanette tells us "I was 22 when I was finally diagnosed with PCOS, but my symptoms started showing at 16 along with puberty." Since symptoms are different for every woman, she elaborated and explained some of the other issues she has to contend with on a daily basis: "I have the facial hair and excessive body hair, weight gain, and depression, I have fertility issues. I have been borderline diabetic." She says she's been lucky with the borderline diabetes, but managed to develop gestational diabetes when pregnant with her daughter.

And her daughter - so lucky to have a mom who is unafraid to be who she is and show her beautiful

Jeanette Martin and her daughter, used with permission.

face to the world, is something of a miracle. As with many PCOS women, the fertility issues experienced made it hard for Jeanette to bring her vivacious and wonderful daughter into the world. "My daughter was my 7th pregnancy, and the only one to make it past 6 months along." My heart broke for Jeanette when she told me this - pregnancy loss is never easy, and can really do a number on your life when you have a diagnosis that basically says your body will do all sorts of things that aren't "textbook normal" - it's frustrating to no end when your body does not behave the way it's supposed to.

"I was on over 100 days of bed rest and had to go to UW in Seattle to have her, I went into labor 3 times with my daughter, and the final time, she was 5 and a half weeks early. I was life flighted from Bremerton to have her in Seattle." Like mother like daughter, Jeanette's little girl was a fighter from the start. "The two times I went into labor before this, they gave me steroids to strengthen her lungs and get her ready if they couldn't stop my labor, so when she came we were prepared for the worst and got the best anyone could have expected. She was 4 lbs 7 oz, 17.5 inches long, and was very close to perfectly healthy, she had a few issues keeping her body heat, and eating, but we only stayed 4 days in the hospital and i was able to bring her home."

For women with PCOS who have fertility issues, Jeanette's story is a beacon of hope. Many women with PCOS, especially those who are diagnosed later in life or don't have access to proper medical care but want a family, have an incredibly hard time starting one.
Speaking of access to medical care, I asked Jeanette what her doctors were doing to help her. Many of the symptoms of polycystic ovarian syndrome are invisible - the cysts, the insulin resistance, the depression, but those that are visible like the weight gain around the middle and the hair problems are the only indicator to the world that there's a problem. Treatment of PCOS usually consists of working with different medications to correct the insulin resistance and mediate the hormonal imbalance that causes the signs and symptoms of the syndrome.

"I am uninsured at the moment and have not seen a doctor since shortly after my daughter was born," says Jeanette, a story that is again all-too-familiar to many American women.  "When I did have a regular doctor, they put me on metformin (Glucophage) and (hormonal) birth control." Like PCOS, which is not a one-size-fits-all disorder, the standard course of treatment did not work for Jeanette. "The metformin made my sugars drop and scared me because I am not diabetic, and the birth control did not help the facial hair as they thought it would." Again, a frustration that many cysters know firsthand. It can take a long time to find the right combination of things to mitigate the symptoms of the disorder.  

As for her now iconic mustache, I asked Jeanette if she'd ever tried to get rid of it. She says: "I have had every treatment for my hair that I can think of: laser, electrolysis, waxing, and now I just shave every day." True to the I Feel Delicious motto, Jeanette doesn't let her facial hair stop her from trying to feel and look her best.

"I like to play up the features I like about myself, I do crazy colors and bold eyes," she says of her beauty routine. "I try to dress for my body type, and not the body type I wish I had, and be comfortable." She offers this advice for other PCOS sufferers with the same problem:  "You gotta work with what you have; find your strengths, and highlight those."

She doesn't just try her best to look good, but also feel good. "I am not really a fitness kinda person," Jeanette says. But as new moms know, we get a lot of physical activity whether we want to or not. " I guess my favorite exercise is running after my two year old!" And with a firecracker like Jeanette for a mom, I'm sure that keeps her busy 24 hours a day!  

"I do try to eat a home cooked balanced dinner every night." Jeanette tells us, making me wish I could ask for an invite to dinner because my cooking skills are horrid and I admire her dedication to making sure her family gets proper nutrition. We're all only human though, and Jeanette confesses that she, her husband and daughter eat out once a month. No harm in having a treat now and then, and Jeanette says it's mostly when they're on the go and away from home. I hate the fact that Jeanette feels the need to justify a meal out, but sadly many PCOS sufferers do feel a need to explain their dietary choices, even though it is nobody's business but their own and their doctors'.

Jeanette at the Movember gala, used with permission

Becoming Miss Movember hasn't been the easiest thing in the world and Jeanette faced her own share of cyberbullies when she first participated in 2012. "On a few websites some of the comments did get pretty mean, but every time I was about to defend myself I would see many post from others defending me, and saying how brave I was, it seemed for every negative there was a lot more positive," she tells us. Maybe there's a little faith in humanity, because unlike my own story, Jeanette mentions "I even had some (people) apologize for their remarks, and they took the time to read about PCOS, and they learned a little."
The participants in Movember made Jeanette feel welcome though - despite the fact that she's not the gender of the typical participant. "When I was nominated for Miss Movember, I had to get on stage and next to some fairly thin, very pretty girls, but I did it, and the crowd roared for me, and accepted me for me, it was the most awesome feeling."

And as for her family's thoughts on her growing out her mustache for a good cause? "My husband

Jeanette and her husband, used with permission.

was super supportive. He did Movember with me last year and now this year too, but tries to get everyone to donate and see my page, and encourages me to keep going when
it gets a little long, and the stares start coming."

Although last year was only the first year Jeanette participated in Movember, she's doing it again this year (2013) and says she plans to do continue doing so. "I have said I will keep growing my Mustache out until I reach $1000, in a single Movember." After that? "I will still participate just not grow."

Despite garnering some overwhelming attention from both the press and the public at large, Jeanette says it's been a pretty positive experience. "Last year at the Seattle gala I won Miss Movember, and became the first woman to ever win Man of Movember," a pretty big achievement! In today's society of pink ribbons and breast cancer support, it's not uncommon to hear of men sporting pink apparel or "Save the TaTas" t-shirts, championing for what is typically considered a "woman's disease" (despite breast cancer's insidious ability to affect anyone, regardless of gender.)  But rarely do you hear of a woman becoming a figurehead for men's health and testicular and prostate cancer - possibly because the causes don't get nearly as much attention as breast cancer or possibly because women just don't think it's of their concern.  

I would not hesitate to call Jeanette a role model, and she would be someone I would be very proud to have my own daughter of a similar age look to for inspiration. When asked what she would like to tell her daughter, Jeanette says: "Every person is beautiful, and different, and to embrace your uniqueness. I was given a curse, and for many years, I hated my facial hair, and would walk around with my head down hoping no one would notice, but then I heard opportunity knocking and a chance to use this as a gift and make my negative into a positive."

"So many people said I was brave, but really I was more afraid than I was willing to show, and if it helps just one person to look and the mirror and see something different then what everyone has told them to see, it was and is worth it." I think Jeanette has more than accomplished her goal - from those who apologized for their cyber harassment to those who took the time to learn a little more about PCOS to those who have donated to her Movember campaign, she's making a BIG difference in the world. And for all the girls and women ashamed of their facial hair, Jeanette is showing that you can still be beautiful, even with your mustache. This strong and, yes, courageous woman is beautiful both inside AND out.
You can donate to Jeanette's campaign to raise funds for Movember here at her "MoSpace" page. Let's see if we can try to help her reach her $1,000 goal! Caitlin Seida has been writing since 2006, with her work appearing on various websites including Livestrong.com, TypeF.com, Salon.com, Dogster.com and The Daily Puppy. A Jill-of-All-Trades, she splits her workday as a writer, humane society advocate and on-call vet tech. What little free time she has goes into pinup modeling, advocating for self-acceptance, knitting and trying to maintain her haunted house (really!). You can find her on Facebook, on Twitter, and of course here on I Feel Delicious!