Standing up for others means you sometimes have to stand down

I rarely do this, though I should do it far more often -
but I'm going to respond to a response that pertains to a magazine article.

Okay... here goes:

Elle Magazine just released their "Women in Television" issue, with four different covers featuring Amy Poehler, Allison Williams, Zooey Deschanel and the marvelous --

MINDY KALING! (whom we all know and love!)

Looking at all four covers I, of course, see there is a huge difference between the photos. Mindy's photo is up-close and in black-and-white, and the other three are showing all but a quarter of their bodies and in color.

Yes, I can see why this is upsetting... and why this may be stirring controversy, with some claiming fat-shaming and/or racism.

I was all ready to get my panties in a twist until I read Mindy's tweets:

Hmmm.... She's okay with it. Cool! That's enough for me.

But wait ---> The controversy continues.  Here's what The Gloss.com  had to say:

"Part of what makes this whole story so upsetting is that Kaling can’t really say anything and continue to land covers in major magazines."

Am I reading that right? Are they saying she's weak? That she's bowing to the magazine masses so her face will again grace another magazine cover? Are they saying Mindy is bold-face lying, and that she couldn't possibly like her photo? Because if you believe this to be true, I really don't think you understand Mindy Kaling. I mean - look at this woman! She's blunt, fresh, opinionated and beautiful! I can't imagine her missing an opportunity to speak her mind and cause a little controversy.

Why is it the people who have rushed to her "defense" and taken up this so-called racist cause, can't believe that there is no racist or fat-shaming cause to be had, and the photo really did make her feel glamorous and cool? I'm confused, especially since these up-close Elle covers are nothing new..

in this country...





or in others.

And here's two black and white, up-close Elle covers I found - and there's way more...

So what's the problem?

Why can't we believe Mindy, and appreciate and congratulate her for the cover? Why do we ALSO have to call her a liar who's bowing down to the media masters?

In this case, it seems to me if Mindy Kaling is cool with her cover, then we should be too. If SHE doesn't think it's shaming her body, or her race, then why can't her "supporters" take her word for it and move on?

For media sites such as The Gloss to say they're pissed off because Mindy didn't respond to the public criticism the way they wanted her to, it does more of a disservice to women than the original magazine cover. THEY have decided Mindy's cover is about her race and her weight - not Mindy. And by Mindy disagreeing with them, they've added that she's also too weak to defend herself.  And this empowers women how?

Think about it, ladies. Supporting our fellow sisters requires us to support our fellow sisters - and taking them at their word. It's great to stand up for someone, but if they don't see an issue, then why should you?

Mindy, if you happen to see this - I thought you rocked that Elle cover! Congrats, girl!  As always, stay beautiful and love each other.

Cheers,

Terri Jean
IFD Publisher

Sunday Roundup: This Week In the Blog-o-Sphere

By Caitlin Seida 

Did you miss what was going on this week in the world of the blog? Here's a roundup of some of our favorite stories from the past week. Topics range from delicious things to eat, reasons you should pick out a new frock at a consignment shop and the awesomeness that is Alyssa Milano. Give these stories a glance and enjoy!

Health, Fitness and Food

The Texas A&M University Extension Office brings us a little motivation in keeping our New Year's Resolutions with Walk Across Texas - 7 Reasons to Love Exercise.

Maria and Josh over at Two Peas and Their Pod bring us 31 Healthy Recipes to Start 2014 Right. The cranberry orange roasted Brussels sprouts make me want to get creative in the kitchen.

If you're sick of being healthy, head over to Purl Bee and make use of their glittering torrone recipe.  I can just taste the sticky sweet honey now.

Jen at EPBOT gives us some much needed counsel in her post "5 Ways to Help Your Loved One Through a Panic Attack." 

Fashion, Beauty and Self Image

Zachary Valenti shows us that body image issues don't just affect women - he bravely shares his story of coming to terms with his body over at Salon.com in "Man Boobs and My Decade of Shame"

Sally at Already Pretty brings us a rundown of consignment shopping vs. thrift shopping. If you've ever wondered which is a better bet for which clothing items, this post is a must read.

Ms. Misantropia brings us some fun fashion trends for spring 2014. I'm enjoying the embroidery

The Lancashire Evening Post brings us a story of 12 real military wives of all shapes and sizes channeling their inner pinup vamps for a spicy calendar to benefit a chairty supporting current and former military personnel and their families.

The Cyberbullying Research Center lets us know what we, collectively, have learned about cyberbullying in 2013.

Feminism

Versha Sharma and Hanna Sender point out what we already know over at Vocativ - Hollywood Movies with Strong Female Leads Make More Money!

Rebecca Fernandez and The Women Take Over offer a look inside the brain of the media powerhouse Jezebel in an interview with founder Anna Holmes.

Liz over at Hello Ladies offers up a list of inspiring moments for women that happened in 2013.

Things That'll Make You Smile

Mashable brings us the story of a really neat dad who packs AWESOME notes with his kids' lunches. You can follow his adventures over at And I'm the Dad. 

Liz Acosta of Dogster brings us to tears with the story of Grammy Faith, a puppy mill dog who was kept in a rabbit cage for 12 years and is finally free.

And here's the story of a rockin' grandma who hand knits character from The Hobbit in intricate detail. If your New Year's Resolution was to be more crafty, here's your kick in the ass.

And if you need a smile, Alyssa Milano holds her own against radio host and "comedian" Jay Mohr after he calls her fat. Keep it classy, Alyssa and show 'em how it's done!
Update: Jay Mohr has apologized and with humor, grace and aplomb, Alyssa accepts. Read her response at the LA Times for a chuckle!

Do you have a neat link, blog post or interesting story to share? Let us know in the comments below or visit us on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/ifeeldelicious. Share the love, ladies!

Apparently I'm a Role Model - And I Don't Know Why!

When I wrote about my unflattering viral picture, I never expected an outpouring of support. I didn't expect people to write to me to tell me bits of their own story, and I certainly never expected to be branded a role model - but I was.

 I was told over and over again that I was inspiring and that people looked up to me for the way I accept my body and fought back against my cyberbullies.

To me, a role-model is someone who does BIG THINGS and changes the world. So maybe I'm not there yet, but I'm honored people think of me as such. I've stepped up my game to become the role model they think I am.

So I did the natural thing and wrote an article about it....You can read the entire thing here, at Salon.com.



We want to hear from you - who is your role model? What do you think makes a person a role model?

Caitlin Seida has been writing since 2006, with her work appearing on various websites including Livestrong.com, TypeF.com, Salon.com, Dogster.com and The Daily Puppy. A Jill-of-All-Trades, she splits her workday as a writer, humane society advocate and on-call vet tech. What little free time she has goes into pinup modeling, advocating for self-acceptance, knitting and trying to maintain her haunted house (really!). You can find her on Facebook, on Twitter, and of course here on I Feel Delicious!

Why I'm Not a Feminist

Copyright John Oxton. Used under a Creative Commons License

By Caitlin Seida

There are plenty of underrepresented subcultures and groups in our nation - the so-called "Melting Pot". But when it comes to gender, we as women are not under-represented. For every one female, there's only 0.97 males in the United States (Check the CIA World Factbook if you're one who needs hard facts. I'm not sure what counts as 0.97 of a guy, but whatever).

Don't misunderstand me - I'm not against things that feminists fight for. Equal pay for equal work, for example, would be pretty damn nice. The right to not be excluded from things based solely on what kind of genitalia I have. But I am against feminism. I'm not sure if there's a word for what I want - equalism? Humanism? Common-fucking-sense?

I don't want to see a women's lib effort to raise women above men. I don't like it when militant feminists put down men as the enemy or chastise men for identifying with their cause. It irritates me to no end and makes me want to go on an all out, Kill Bill-esque murder spree. If we're going to achieve equality for men and women (and transmen, transwomen, GQ and everything in between on the spectrum of gender identity) we all need to WORK TOGETHER and be respectful of EACH OTHER'S rights and needs and problems.

Joss Whedon, one of the premier Sci-Fi world creators, just ranted about this very topic and I couldn't agree with him more. It's worth checking out over at Jezebel.

I'm not an "antifeminist" - I don't care for traditional cultural values or the "sanctity of marriage". I can't stand traditional gender roles. And I'm grateful to the women who came before me who made it possible for me to go out and have lots of casual sex, wear pants, use contraceptives without shame and work outside the home. I don't believe in biological gender norms - girls don't automatically take to pink and skirts and childrearing and I don't think boys automatically take to blue and toy trucks and working outside the home.

But the word "feminist" grates on me - I don't want to fight for just women's equality. I don't want to fight for just women's rights. I want to fight for everyone to have a fair shot. And by labeling myself a feminist, I can't in good conscience do that. John wants to be a stay at home dad? I'll put my ass on the line and fight for his right to get family leave to do so. Mary wants to work full time at the welding factory and earn the same as her male coworkers? More power to her, I'll take up her cause! But I won't limit my efforts to just one gender - as the word "feminist" implies.

Call me a horrible woman, go ahead. I can take it. But when it comes to gender - it should be a non-issue. We need to focus on everyone, not just slightly-more-than-one-half of the population.

What are your thoughts? Are you a feminist? Do you like the label? Is it just a matter of semantics? Talk to us!

Caitlin Seida has been writing since 2006, with her work appearing on various websites including Livestrong.com, TypeF.com, Salon.com, Dogster.com and The Daily Puppy. A Jill-of-All-Trades, she splits her workday as a writer, humane society advocate and on-call vet tech. What little free time she has goes into pinup modeling, advocating for self-acceptance, knitting and trying to maintain her haunted house (really!). You can find her on Facebook, on Twitter, and of course here on I Feel Delicious!

Another reason to love and adore Amanda Palmer

This letter was written Oct 3rd, but I just now ran across it. I thought it was worth sharing.
Enjoy ~ Terri Jean



an open letter to sinéad o’connor, re: miley cyrus.

Dear Sinéad,

I love you. I grew up worshipping your music and your bold attitude and, especially, your refusal to sign up to the bullshit beauty standard. You were one of the few women rockstars that was clearly doing things her own way, and you inspired me to no end. I want to thank you for doing that. I listened to your stunning voice and your true, deep lyrics endlessly on my walkman, flipping the tape again, and again, then again, then again…and I know those ingredients still live and breathe inside me every time I write a song of my own. You shaped me.

I read your letter to Miley Cyrus this morning and I wanted to write back to you. I’m writing this on my cell phone in a plane on the way to Dallas, TX to play a benefit tonight for a group called Girls Rock Dallas…a local group that empowers young girls to become brave musicians. The timing is pretty wonderful and I want to talk to them all tonight about Miley and your letter.         Continued...

Why would US magazine publish photos like these? I really don't care for that magazine.

And then there's Valerie Bertinelli

I adore her. Seriously. I loved her back in the 70's and I may love her even more now. She's 10 years older than me (gulp!) but looks 100% better than me! How does she do that?

I'm sure part of it is that she's healthy, in shape and has totally recreated her life - with a hit TV show and what seems to be a whole new, happy life.

She would make an awesome BFF. I'm sure of it.

And her story inspires me. I love reading about her transformation, her get-healthy success story, and how she did all of it. I am thrilled for her whenever I watch Hot in Cleveland and I wish for her the utmost best.

So, she is one of the success stories that would motivate me to buy a magazine with her on the cover.


I guess what all of us can learn from this is that when it's trash, don't pick it up. Leave it.

But if it has Valerie Bertinelli on it... then buy it. She's precious.

These bitter, tasteless cruel tabloids makes the celebrity life incredibly unappetizing (part 4)

Of course, then there's some celebrities who, I suspect, use their weight issues as a means to continue their (mostly reality TV-based) notoriety. Not to name names... so I'll just post a few pics of the ladies who seem to appear in these magazines far more than anyone else.

These bitter, tasteless cruel tabloids makes the celebrity life incredibly unappetizing (part 3)

So can these magazines ever be helpful? Inspirational? Or informative?



I think so. If there really is a celebrity who gets healthy and keeps it off and transforms their bodies and lives... then YES! I think the stories can be inspirational. But the problem is, celebrities are people just like the rest of us (they just happen to have better paying jobs with way more perks.) But we don't know what their stress feels like. They may have the same problems as the rest of us. They may hate exercising or eating healthy or have no idea what to eat in the first place.

They have weight issues like the rest of us. Luckily, we may just have neighbors, friends, and our mom's telling us how fat we are. Just imagine how it would feel if every time you fell off the salad wagon, your local newspaper published a story of you eating a chili dog or buying a bigger pants size at the local Walmart.

That would suck.

Imagine if you losing weight - and maybe gaining it again - was an issue for your local TV or radio station, or a Facebook page was dedicated to it. That's how it must feel for the ladies here.

These bitter, tasteless cruel tabloids makes the celebrity life incredibly unappetizing (part 2)

Then the magazines exploit the celebrity Baby Business. Above they literally pit two celebrities due about the same time together and they battle it out - with their weight. This is literal. The first magazine actually says "Baby Weight Battles" and the second compares one to a waif and the other to a whale. This is so cruel. I had toxemia with one of my pregnancies and gained 82 pounds! I started off at 128 pounds and ended up over 200. I couldn't stop it. I was eating healthy and doing everything I could, but my body swelled. I just have that type of a body.
My mother never gained more than 23 pounds, she said, and never actually looked full term. She didn't wear maternity clothes, nor have weight to lose after any of her births, and I don't think she even had a stretch mark. I did not inherit any of that - the reason being: I am not my mom. We are two different people and our bodies handled a pregnancy in two different ways. Comparing us is... well, stupid. As was comparing Kate and Kim. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. It's just to sell magazines... nothing more.
 

Then comes all the magazines that make all of us mothers feel fat and inadequate (except for my mother, whom I explained previously that she was one of these people who did, in fact, walk out of the hospital in their pre-pregnancy jeans and tiny little tank tops. Yep. My mom did it 3 different times. I did not.)




These magazines are horrible for women! We all wonder what the secret is. What are they doing to lose the baby weight faster than most new mothers (in the entire world, mind you). We wonder: are they having tummy tucks and lipo while on the delivery table? Do they have chefs and personal trainers live with them so each moment of every day is spent getting back in shape? Do they have nanny's so they can spend hours working out, rather than breastfeeding and changing diapers? Maybe they worked out during the entire pregnancy... or maybe they were on a strict diet for those 9 months. (This is definitely something I did NOT do! I liked twinkies and Chinese food way too much.) Or maybe most celebrities have the same post-baby-skinny-gene that my mother was born with.

hmmmm....

Or maybe there's just a lot of photo editing going on... like in this photo.

Yep. (As I slip a Tootsie Roll into my mouth.) It's definitely the editing.

Continued.....

These bitter, tasteless cruel tabloids makes the celebrity life incredibly unappetizing (part 1)

Cover stories about the weight of a celebrity are a perpetual staple of every newsstand. How sad. I have a personal policy regarding reading anything negative in relation to another person's personal struggles with weight, especially when it's written in a nasty, cruel manner.The meanest of them all are the Best/Worst Bikini Bodies that come out every summer. They - literally - make me shudder. To have your absolute worst photo of yourself on the cover of a magazine - and of course, it's not airbrushed or Photoshopped, so it's going to look even worse than ever - must be gut-wrenchingly hard to deal with. <And I always wonder, do they photoshop the "best" photos to make them look ever better than they do in real life? Hmmm. It would sell more magazines if they did, right?!>

 So then, after the magazine folks rip people apart for looking like the rest of us, they introduce the OTHER extreme cover: The Too SKINNY covers. sigh...   That sucks too. But it sells, right?

 



Then we go into the individual cuts. Lot's of folks saying "I'm not fat!!" and defending their right to be human (tho I often assume the celebrity did NOT say anything in any of those articles and it's all fictionalized to continue the drama for the magazine.) They pick on certain celebrities who tend to gain weight easily. Considering the fact that I, also, tend to gain weight easily... so I can empathize with them.

And don't forget about all their STARS WITHOUT MAKEUP magazine covers.

I look pretty damn terrible without makeup. I'm sure the editors of these trash tabloids do too. But to splash it on the covers says that these celebrities have to be ON at all times. Going to the grocery store, at their kids soccer games, getting makeup early in the morning, at the gym, taking out the trash, sitting on a long flight or even going to a doctor's appointment. Yep. They need to look perfect.

I know they make the big bucks but come on! That must be exhausting.

Continued......

Tyra Banks is the reason for this site... and for The Eye Candy Girls!

February of 2007.  
That's when I saw this magazine cover. 























I've always been a fan of Tyra Banks, and to see HER - this statuesque beauty who's always looked the  curvacious epitome of health - having to respond to the nasty headlines that she was... well.. fat -  < head shaking > it was a bit unbelievable.

This article was upsetting to say the least. When she modeled, she had to be curvy but still underweight (as far as modeling goes, I mean). So when she retired, she didn't have to mold her body to fit the ideal of someone else. So what if she decided to RETIRE the constraints that were put upon her by the industry too. I mean, who wouldn't???








I had daughters at the time - my own plus I felt emotionally responsible for OTHER mother's daughters, because they were at my house most of the time. I try to promote self-confidence and body acceptance, but when this was splashed all over the television and newsstands, it DID become an issue for conversation with me and my girls.

I wasn't sure what to do, but I had been getting more and more into photography. Though I was photographing weddings and seniors and kids, I really wanted my own niche.

I started photographing more and more girls and women and found that I had a knack for taking pics that THEY actually liked. Even tough critics who said they hated every photo taken of them, they liked mine! To say the least, this was a huge compliment.

At the end of 2007 I started practicing my photography techniques on friends - and friends of my daughters' - and before long we were having Photo Parties and makeovers... playing dress up and trying out new poses, clothes, hairstyles, props, and backdrops.

I eventually bought a better camera, some lights, a backdrop system and kept practicing. And the more I practiced, the more people came to me for photos.

In 2008 I decided to open a small studio in Athens, Ohio. And by small I mean SMMAAAALLLL... it was tucked way back in a basement and right next to a porn store. But still, it was super cute. We had a dressing room, a small studio and a place for props. I felt my best photos were of women - and I could make them look and feel sexy.... a skill, I later found out, was not too common.

That year I asked the girls who were modeling for me to act as promotional models. They agreed and the Eye Candy Girls were born! Basically I get to dress them up and photograph them for projects and promotional purposes, plus they go with me to gigs and help by handing out cards and looking amazing all the time! Honestly, it really is a fun time for all of us!

I closed the first studio in a year and thought I was big shit when I moved to a gigantic studio in a small, conservative town of Nelsonville, Ohio. After 18 months and several accusations from old biddies that what I was doing was wrong, I closed shop. I bought a house and moved to another town. I started shooting on-location and hosting marathon photoshoots. It's been a huge success - much more so than with any other the other studios!

And it's all because of Tyra Banks and her courage to talk openly about her body, her health, and her right to live her life as SHE sees fit.

It's been more than 6 years since that magazine cover - and yet I still think about it when I'm doing my work and - hopefully - empowering women..

... the same way Tyra Banks empowered me.

Way to be a mean girl in asshole's clothing

Just within the past few weeks, women have been shoving long, sharp spikes in the backs of their fellow sisters in a widely-viewed public forums across the world. What am I talking about?

How about blogger Claire Crawford criticizing Oklahoma City Thunder cheerleader Kelsey Williams's for a perceived (by Claire) as being pudgy around the middle. She says "some say" the cheerleader was bad-looking on court, or "some folks" have criticized her for being pudgy around the waistline, and that she wished "she had a litle more up on top" - which, I guess, means she's ALSO picking on the size of her breast. Then she slaps it with "We think she's beautiful" and "...if she's comfortable wearing that tiny outfit and dancing for NBA fans, then good for her. Besides... not every man likes women to be toothpick skinny."

 Ha! Reminds me of the older criticizing mother in law who says things like "That outfit would look much better on a skinner person, but you like to wear it, so good for you!" Ya... it's that kind of back-handed compliment/insult. I call it an insultliment. INSULT- LI - Ment. Oh yes... yes I do.  

 Now, "some folks" say that Clarie Crawford is really Anna-Megan Raney - the Digital Content Manager for CBS Sports Radio in Houston, Texas. Though she's denied this, more and more "folks" and sources are coming forward to back up the claim. And with that, they've been citicizing her age and her (they say, not me) fake boobs, and ever her skimpy way of dressing.And this photo is said to be both women. 

Anna-Megan had this to say about Claire "I don’t know Claire personally, but I’ve seen some of her previous posts. She’s definitely out there and incredibly provocative." ... so yeah..... given this answer, and being a person who has written under a pen name, this answer totally fits a person who created a character who's provocative and to get ratings. Just sayin'. 

So why hate, Claire/Anna-Megan? In a time where bullying is leading kids to suicide, you wan to put this out there? 

Why judge this healthy, athletic woman with a healthy, athletic body about her weight when she is obviously fitter and (again) HEALTHIER than many other women her age (or just women in general!) ??!! Why even put that out there?

Personally, this was all meant to shock and awe readers and create a newsworthy poll. It's easy to be the asshole behind the computer screen who puts out... what did Anna-Megan say... oh yes, "provocative" posts and polls.

I liked that Williams later tweeted, "To be womanly always, discouraged never."

Beauty and brains. I am now a fan.