Why I'm Not a Feminist

Copyright John Oxton. Used under a Creative Commons License

By Caitlin Seida

There are plenty of underrepresented subcultures and groups in our nation - the so-called "Melting Pot". But when it comes to gender, we as women are not under-represented. For every one female, there's only 0.97 males in the United States (Check the CIA World Factbook if you're one who needs hard facts. I'm not sure what counts as 0.97 of a guy, but whatever).

Don't misunderstand me - I'm not against things that feminists fight for. Equal pay for equal work, for example, would be pretty damn nice. The right to not be excluded from things based solely on what kind of genitalia I have. But I am against feminism. I'm not sure if there's a word for what I want - equalism? Humanism? Common-fucking-sense?

I don't want to see a women's lib effort to raise women above men. I don't like it when militant feminists put down men as the enemy or chastise men for identifying with their cause. It irritates me to no end and makes me want to go on an all out, Kill Bill-esque murder spree. If we're going to achieve equality for men and women (and transmen, transwomen, GQ and everything in between on the spectrum of gender identity) we all need to WORK TOGETHER and be respectful of EACH OTHER'S rights and needs and problems.

Joss Whedon, one of the premier Sci-Fi world creators, just ranted about this very topic and I couldn't agree with him more. It's worth checking out over at Jezebel.

I'm not an "antifeminist" - I don't care for traditional cultural values or the "sanctity of marriage". I can't stand traditional gender roles. And I'm grateful to the women who came before me who made it possible for me to go out and have lots of casual sex, wear pants, use contraceptives without shame and work outside the home. I don't believe in biological gender norms - girls don't automatically take to pink and skirts and childrearing and I don't think boys automatically take to blue and toy trucks and working outside the home.

But the word "feminist" grates on me - I don't want to fight for just women's equality. I don't want to fight for just women's rights. I want to fight for everyone to have a fair shot. And by labeling myself a feminist, I can't in good conscience do that. John wants to be a stay at home dad? I'll put my ass on the line and fight for his right to get family leave to do so. Mary wants to work full time at the welding factory and earn the same as her male coworkers? More power to her, I'll take up her cause! But I won't limit my efforts to just one gender - as the word "feminist" implies.

Call me a horrible woman, go ahead. I can take it. But when it comes to gender - it should be a non-issue. We need to focus on everyone, not just slightly-more-than-one-half of the population.

What are your thoughts? Are you a feminist? Do you like the label? Is it just a matter of semantics? Talk to us!

Caitlin Seida has been writing since 2006, with her work appearing on various websites including Livestrong.com, TypeF.com, Salon.com, Dogster.com and The Daily Puppy. A Jill-of-All-Trades, she splits her workday as a writer, humane society advocate and on-call vet tech. What little free time she has goes into pinup modeling, advocating for self-acceptance, knitting and trying to maintain her haunted house (really!). You can find her on Facebook, on Twitter, and of course here on I Feel Delicious!

Graves Disease: An Interview with Rayanne Forbes

By Caitlin Seida

If you're like most of the public, you've probably never heard of Graves Disease. As Rayanne Forbes, 25, of Edmonton, Alberta, Canada puts it: "Graves Disease is an autoimmune disorder, it's basically a thyroid imbalance, heart condition and immune disorder all wrapped into one." Like so many health problems that affect us, each patient develops different symptoms. Some only have minor signs of the disease and are able to live their lives without much trouble. Others, like Rayanne, walk through hell and back.

"A person who has Graves Disease develops a misdirected immune system that attacks all the healthy cells in your body instead of protecting them like a regular person and affects nearly every organ over time." She tells us.  "It begins with a severely over active thyroid level and you stay extremely hyperthyroid for many months or even years if pills don't correct it. In my case; 19 pills a day could not control my elevated heart rate and they had to remove my thyroid.  Graves disease plus the abundance of pills that I took destroyed all my red and white blood cells and I nearly died when I caught a simple cold I couldn't fight off." Rayanne ended up in a hospital for almost a month before she could go home.

Rayanne found out she had Graves Disease at 22 years old, when she was busy working at a doctor's office, spending her day taking care of other people. Out of the blue, her heart rate elevated to 220 beats per minute and she developed extreme hot flashes. Availing herself of her work facilities, she visited a doctor and was diagnosed the very next day. But Graves is sneaky, Rayanne tells us. "Some people go months without a diagnosis because Graves Disease mimics the symptoms of so many other illnesses."


In Rayanne's case, the symptoms were very severe. "I was very shaky, and weak throughout the day. My hair fell out in clumps, I couldn't sleep for days then then want to spend 16 hours in bed the next. I was constantly out of breath and had to stop half way up the stairs just to make it. At first, they tried to melt my thyroid away with radioactive iodine, which is like drinking pure acid and burns the whole way down. Shortly after they removed my thyroid, my eyes started to very painfully bulge out from my body attacking the healthy cells behind my eyes, causing inflammation. The eye symptoms have an active cycle of 16 months so you are left to wait to see how bad they get, and then you are offered surgery to fix them afterwards. They also tried an in-hospital 5 day IV steroid treatment to help with the swelling behind my eyes. In that time, I developed gallstones, also a common Graves complication,although never proven to be officially linked because they don't know a lot about Graves Disease yet."

"I went on to get my gallbladder removed two months later. Next, they finally fixed my eyes and did a tricky and dangerous orbital decompression surgery. It's a highly invasive surgery that goes behind your eyes to remove fat and tissues that are pushing your eyes forward. If left untreated, some people go blind. The surgery fixed one problem but created another and gave me eyelid retraction - basically, I look surprised all the time. The eye surgeon tried to fix it with another surgery a few months after I was fully healed but had to cancel it halfway through because I wouldn't freeze properly and could feel the blood cauterizer burning through my skin, the scalpel, sewing through my eyelids and the 6 needles in each eye. It was absolutely terrifying."

Like so many illnesses that affect your appearance, Rayanne has been on the recieving end of some very cruel comments. "It started when my eyes started bulging out, leaving me bug-eyed looking. Perfect strangers would tell me to 'stop staring at them', ask me 'why I look so surprised' and use their fingers to widen their eyes to mimic the way I looked and I even got asked what drugs I was on to look that way."

One moment, in particular, sticks out in her mind. "I was out one evening and I told a girl I thought her hair was pretty. Her response was 'you can stop staring at me you $%&#@&% freak'. After they gave me my first surgery, and my eye lids were left looking wonky.. the comments got worse. Everywhere I went, people stared, and made mean comments they probably thought only their friend could hear. My eyes were suddenly "F--ked up", I looked like a freak show, the list goes on. I even caught a former co-worker telling another one that I had 'bug eye disease.'"

The harassment took a toll on Rayanne's self esteem. "I think when people imitated how I looked, it hurt the worse because there was nothing I could do about it. I was honestly just thankful I wasn't blind but still struggled with public acceptance. I started hiding in my room a lot however. Every night, weekends included, I sat at home alone in my dark room and kept to my self for about a year. I missed birthdays, dinners out, and a lot of really fun things because I was so scared of what people said about me." She wears contacts to make her eyes look more average, but they're highly uncomfortable. To me, it's hard to understand why Rayanne gets made fun of. She's a very beautiful woman with very striking features.

In fact, I asked Rayanne about her makeup routine and was told she gets requests from all over the world for makeup tutorials on a regular basis. She plans to create a video soon. Aside from her contact lenses, she wears false eyelashes every day. As you all know, I Feel Delicious isn't just about looking fantastic, though. It's about feeling fantastic. Despite looking amazing, Graves Disease has taken a toll on Rayanne's health.  "Sadly, there is no 'keeping healthy' or a 'normal' anymore. I deal with constant chest pain, I'm weak, tired, shaky and still attend numerous hospital and specialist appointments each month. My heart rate still skyrockets (it shouldn't with the thyroid removal) but it does so I see a cardiologist. Since diagnoses, I have had to get blood taken around 300+ times."

Rayanne's next words hit me, like it will hit many others: "Dealing with an invisible illness is tough because I don't want to look like the 'sick girl' and I hide it well but that means everyone around you assumes your fine. I have been called a 'faker', an exaggerator and even told that i "deserved this" from an ex-friend more times that i can count. I'm blessed to now work at a place that understand my illness but I still feel guilty letting them know that I need to go home early to rest and I have a hard time asking for help. It's scary because you want to plan your life and a future and you cant because this illness controls you." Whether it's depression, polycystic ovarian syndrome, diabetes or anything else, it's hard for people to understand unless they've "been there," a fate you really wouldn't wish on most people.

Is it possible you could be at risk? Rayanne tells us that "Graves Disease is 9:1 females in their twenties. If you suspect you have it, its best to get to a doctor as soon as possible because the longer you wait, the worse it gets. A simple blood test will show if you have Graves and they can treat appropriately. Less than 1% of the world will be diagnosed with Graves Disease, and even less than that will ever develop the eye symptoms associated with the disease."

Even with less than 1% of the world getting a diagnosis, it's important to spread awareness, which is exactly why I interviewed Rayanne. "People don't go up to someone with an evident cancer diagnosis and 'ask why they're bald' because they know the implications of the illness," she tells us. It's true, too. So why is it acceptable to ask someone with an "invisible illness" as Rayanne puts it, why they're "so fat" or "so skinny" or "have bug eyes"?

"It has since become my mission to raise awareness so that no one else has to deal with what I have. All I ask of people is to realize that everyone has a story, and to be accepting of those of us who may look a little different. Every scar tells a story and we are more than happy to share it with you if you just ask nicely. We'd rather share what happened with you than have you judge us and make fun of us behind our backs." A message a heartily concur with.

"I never set out to be the 'Graves Disease girl'," says Rayanne, "but its a title I fully embrace because I know my blog and media appearances have brought awareness to this mystery illness. Some of the photos are shocking, most unflattering, but I keep them up because I have a hope that it's helping someone out there. I have since founded The Graves Disease Foundation of Edmonton and it will launch officially in early 2014. My foundation will raise awareness and money for those in my town battling the disease to help cover the costs associated with the illness...I was born to help others and it just took one hell of a medical journey to discover that. I always knew I had two choices, to get bitter or get better and I will fight every day to beat this disease with a smile on my face."

True to the I Feel Delicious motto, Rayanne tells us: "I never once felt 'sorry' for myself and I never will. Even though people tell me all the time that they think I had a rough go at it, I never felt that way because I had a great family by my side and I kept a positive attitude every day because I was just thankful to even be alive. I am a big believer to never,ever take a day for granted. "

When Rayanne told her story by starting her blog in late 2011, the response was overwhelming and overwhelmingly positive, despite some ridicule from former friends and acquaintances. "To date, I have received over 200+ e-mails from other sufferers world wide sharing their story with me and asking for advice. I cry almost every time I read their stories because you meet them at all different times throughout the diagnosis and you know it's going to get worse, but you don't want to tell them. Some even had worse symptoms than I did and shared their stories about being almost homeless, jobless, and 100% friendless because of how they looked. The emotional baggage they leave with me is so tough to handle sometimes but I feel so relieved that they feel comfortable enough to share it with me because they had likely not shared it with anyone else before."

"I want to show the world that its not about getting knocked down.. It's about getting back up and showing your strength. After all, life is exactly what you make of it." And Rayanne couldn't be more right. This fierce and fearsome chick is exemplifying this for all of us and showing the world just how strong she is, and educating us all one person at a time.

Check out Rayanne's Blog and show her some love and thanks for sharing her story here with us at I Feel Delicious.

Caitlin Seida has been writing since 2006, with her work appearing on various websites including Livestrong.com, TypeF.com, Salon.com, Dogster.com and The Daily Puppy. A Jill-of-All-Trades, she splits her workday as a writer, humane society advocate and on-call vet tech. What little free time she has goes into pinup modeling, advocating for self-acceptance, knitting and trying to maintain her haunted house (really!). You can find her on Facebook, on Twitter, and of course here on I Feel Delicious!

Conventional Behavior: Doing Cons Right

By Tali’Belle Cosplay

So I've gone over a few things in the con/cosplay community which are awful, absolutely inappropriate, and just not right. "But Tali’Belle, hang on there!" you say, "How can we have fun at cons if there are so many rules and so many things we can’t do?" Well, citizen, first of all, it’s all about using your head, common sense and all that. If it’s inappropriate and rude in everyday life, it’s probably inappropriate and rude at a con too. But then things can get blurry when we take into account that at a con, you know you are surrounded by your fellow nerds and people who enjoy what you do. Is it appropriate to ask the cute couple cosplaying as Tali and Garrus if they plan to do some ‘Talibrations’ later? After all, you aren't insulting them or touching them, you’re joking. Can you yell ‘PASTAAAA’ if you’re cosplaying as Italy from Hetalia? After all, it IS in character. Is it permissible to ‘ship’ other cosplayers when dressed as Nepeta Leijon or another shipper/matchmaker character?

Copyright flickr.com/siredgar Used under Creative Commons License

Well, here’s the thing: conventions are fun, exciting, and a place where a nerd can feel at home, so by all means, if people aren't bothered by your behavior and it isn't hurting/endangering anyone (including yourself, it’s probably ill-advised for a Batman cosplayer to think they can actually glide off a third floor railing in the Marriott Marquis, all told. Even if he won’t land on anyone.) have a good time. But here are some things to consider:

The first thing is asking for a photograph/hug/handshake/etc. Be mindful of the person you are requesting it from as well as your location. Is the person upset, preoccupied, or rushing somewhere? If so, wait. You’ll probably see them again. Also, are you asking in the dealer’s hall or another crowded area? If so, take it outside, step out for a moment to a place that’s more relaxed where you won’t be in the way.

Now, permission is also important. Some cosplayers are shy, or self-conscious, or a host of other reasons they don’t wish to be photographed. Unless they have entered a contest on stage where photography is part of the package, you have to ask. Not only for their sake, but also for the sake of those around you. Younger con goers or parents who brought young children are there and what could be creepier than, say, a grown man with a camera aimed at a particularly attractive Sailor Scout without the cosplayer’s knowledge?

Robert Downey Jr. Invades Tom Hiddleston's Space. Don't be like RDJ!

As for the touching thing, from personal experience, let me explain to you: cosplayers of all ages, genders, and sizes have likely been perved on or groped before. They have no way of knowing you aren’t reaching for their crotch, ass, or breasts when going in for a hug, so please, ask before you do (and once given permission, keep in mind that isn't an invitation to go for those places, remember the picture of Tom Hiddleston with his arm around Emma Watson for a picture? Be like Tom Hiddleston, hug respectfully.)

Another thing to be aware of is your costume/prop. Cosplaying as Songbird or a Big Daddy from the Bioshock games? Awesome! Amazing costume, big ticket price or lots of hard work, I’m sure you’re very proud of it. But watch large parts or props like a wingspan or a weapon. I know from experience it is uncomfortable trying to sit with or carry one of these, but a staff should be carried upright and at your side or just ever so slightly in front of you unless you are posing. A sword should be sheathed or carried by your side; a gun must be holstered or, in the case of large ones like Seras Victoria of Hellsing’s Harkonnen Canon, carried like a staff. This is not just to avoid hurting other con goers but also to keep your prop from getting broken. Props are expensive and take a lot of skill and effort to craft; it is devastating for one to be destroyed.

On that note, same principal as touching a cosplayer applies to touching their props: Ask permission. You don’t know what it’s made of, how much it cost, how much work was put in, how delicate it is. Its owner does, so listen to them when they say whether or not you can hold/touch their prop and when they tell you how.

Copyright Doug Kline. Used Under a Creative Commons License

Remember the last article I wrote where our male model cosplayer Mark had a pregnant girlfriend who stayed home from the con? Consider your health. Not everyone follows con etiquette and accidents do happen. If you have a medical condition or are ill, it may be best to stay home. If not, most people do understand. Tickets are expensive and non-refundable and con plague IS a fact of life, as long as it isn't potentially life threatening, no one will hate you for showing up with a cold. As to being pregnant? If you still decide to show up, there is no shame or stigma. Maternity cosplays can be adorable (and who wouldn't think it was cute if our Drogo had had a lovely Daenerys carrying Rhaego inside of her cosplaying with him?) but please, be careful. Be alert for unruly congoers and dangerous situations because frankly some people are just plain stupid and think nothing of endangering fellow congoers. To those of you who are those people: stop it. There is NOTHING cute about someone getting hurt or worse because of your antics. Pouncing, glomping, etc. are NEVER appropriate unless it’s a previously agreed upon skit or photoshoot with a friend.

Thrall and Aggra from WoW

Both sides of the coin for harassment: For those of you who harass a fellow cosplayer; stop and think. This is a fellow human being with hobbies and interests in common with you. They are here to have a good time. Put your character hate aside. Appreciate the beauty of their cosplay. Are you cosplaying as Jaina Proudmoore and angry that Thrall was paired with Aggra instead? If you meet an Aggra cosplayer, here are some alternatives: Ignore her or else make friends, who knows what fun photos you two could have parodying that rivalry? As another example, say you ship Karkat/Terezi from Homestuck but a couple is cosplaying Dave/Terezi: again, that’s an opportunity to make a friend who just has a different opinion and get a funny photoshoot. I personally dream of the day I can do a Miranda Lawson vs. Tali photoshoot or aforementioned Aggra vs. Jaina. Even if you don’t like a character or a pairing, you still have something in common with this fellow human being who has the same enthusiasm you do for a fandom and you should embrace it.

Now, if you’re the one being harassed and the harasser isn’t rational enough to ignore you or simply be polite, go get con security. If you fight back, you will get kicked out as well; your ticket is non-refundable. Con security is supposed to deal with this sort of thing and 9.9 times out of ten, they will.

Twin Lara Crofts with Squall Leonhart in the middle. Copyright Bruce Moyle, Used Under a Creative Commons License

DON’T INSULT OTHER COSPLAYERS. So you worked hard on your cosplay, think you’re amazing and all, and then you see another person cosplaying the same character (I am guilty of this, but I’ve moved past it, thankfully). Everyone has the right to cosplay as the character they want. You are cosplaying a fictional entity. Rose Tyler isn’t real. Vriska Serket isn’t real. Commander Shepard isn’t real. Luna Lovegood isn’t real. Yuna isn’t real. Katniss Everdeen isn’t real and so on and so forth. You are [insert your legal name here], a human living in [insert country here] in the year 2013 (or maybe you’re reading this a few years from now, if so: Good news, everyone! You’re in the future!), and that other person is [their name here], not the character. Besides, if you act petty like that, you’re missing out on a wonderfully fun pastime called twinning. Common in J-Fashion communities, twinning is when you are wearing the same outfit (or a similar, complimenting outfit). Most rational, friendly cosplayers enjoy twinning and since I calmed my tits about others cosplaying the same character as me, I’ve had offer after offer for twinning photos and they are so much fun! Even if you don’t want to twin, keep in mind as above, this is a fellow human being who worked hard or paid a lot of money to make this costume a reality and they have just as much right to enjoy it as you do. If they did better in some way, you could even ask for tips. If you did better in some way and they ask, then you can give them tips.


Overall, cosplay and the convention scene is a community, it is for fun and meant to bring people together, to tell geeks and nerds everywhere: You are not alone. You have a family that is millions strong, let your flag fly, we welcome you. Divisive, cruel behavior should have no place in that sort of setting.

 Tali'Belle is a fashion and costume design student with twelve years of cosplay experience. She operates Fleet and Flotilla: Dextro Couture and Salvage on Etsy. Her main cosplay is Tali'Zorah Vas Normandy and her current preferred convention is Dragon Con. You can keep up with her on DeviantArt  or Twitter. And of course, you can find her posts here on I Feel Delicious!

The No-Neck Incident

By Amanda Flanigan

The other night, my husband and I went to a Halloween party thrown by his boss. This is the first Halloween party I have been to in over 10 years and it was fun to get out and mingle. It was an '80s theme and my husband went as He-Man and I as a Ghostbuster. There were about 20 to 25 people present and I only knew about 6 of them there. There was the usual chitchat, dancing, drinking, eating, picture taking and laughing.




As the hours went by, some of the guests began to depart for their comfy beds, leaving about 10 people (not including Mike and I) left. I decided to take a break from dancing and set down on the chair in the living room to drink some Dr. Pepper and cool down. I was joined by the host’s wife and three of her friends who all piled onto the couch to look at pictures they took with their digital camera. I was sitting only a few feet away.


I’m fat. This is something that I have dealt with since I was in the 5th grade and -- despite what people seem to think -- I know I am fat. I see myself in the mirror everyday and am not under any delusions as to my appearance. I am also not photogenic at all and have a horrible, horrible double chin.


Anyway, while the girls were going through the pictures they started giggling uncontrollably whispering (which wasn't so much as whispering because I could clearly here them), “Oh my god, she doesn't have a neck!” One of them ask who they were referring to and the other girls clearly motioned toward me while giggling. This conversation about me continued for several minutes while I sat only a few feet away hearing every word.


Now, I am the first person to make fun of myself and I try not to take myself too seriously. It has been a defense mechanism of mine for a very long time. I figured that if I made fun of myself first, it takes away the power from those who want to make comments maliciously to try to hurt me. And if they would have included me in the conversation, I would have laughed right along with them making comments about how I can turn into a thumb just by shifting my head downward. But no, these grown women, some with children of their own, decided that they would ignore me and then laugh about my no neck, double chin, fatness.


At 33 years of age, I still experience the mean girls. I honestly thought these types of incidents would end when I graduated high school. Never once did I think that other woman who themselves are overweight would ridicule me without even actually knowing me. At first, I was upset. How could I not be? I was so excited about going to this party and didn't think I would get made fun of. But as the night went on and we finally went home, I started to feel sorry for these women. What is missing in their lives that they would make fun of someone they just met based solely on a bad picture? That they would ignore that person even after her multiple attempts to befriend them.


I just hope that they themselves never experience the uncomfortable or ugliness that they showed toward me during that short exchange.




Manda began her writing career in 2007 writing for various online companies. She spends her time as a cat loving geek and mother to a teenager daughter. You can find more of her work at http://offwithherhead.org and of course here at I Feel Delicious!

Bonfire Night Goodies To Make And Eat

By Vyctoria Hart

It wasn't easy growing up goth in England in the '80s and '90s. We'd see all these American films, like E.T. and Hocus Pocus, that'd make Halloween look like so much fun. But when we dressed up and headed out we would be lucky to get an old piece of hard candy covered in fluff. More often we'd be ignored or sworn at by the neighbours. Halloween is a bigger industry here nowadays but it's really just an excuse for adults to get drunk one weekend near the day itself, it's still pretty rare to see trick'or'treaters on the streets.

Why this lack of interest in one of the most fun nights of the year? Well, it's very close to one of our own beloved holidays.

Remember, remember

The fifth of November, 

The Gunpowder treason and plot; 

I know of no reason 

Why the Gunpowder treason 

Should ever be forgot! 

    

If you're not from the UK or Commonwealth, then chances are that you're only familiar with Guy Fawkes Night from the Alan Moore graphic novel "V for Vendetta" or it's movie adaptation.

In 1605 a plot was uncovered in London to blow up the Houses of Parliament and the King. Guido Fawkes was found with the explosives and executed for the crime. Every year since the British have celebrated by burning effigies, letting off fireworks and stuffing themselves with tasty food.

Whilst the celebration is no longer enforced by law, events are now usually organised by local government bodies, making them safer and removing the political/religious elements that made the celebrations problematic in the past. Sadly this has also lead to the decline of some of the traditional homemade foods that used to make Guy Fawkes Night a special treat.

Since American traditions and flavours are becoming more common here (this was the first year we got Pumpkin Spice Lattes at the local Starbucks) I thought it might be nice to do a little cultural exchange and share with you some of the traditional flavours of Britain.

Sweet

Parkin

This a sticky spicy cake that's perfect with a hot mug of tea. It freezes well but can last up to two weeks in a tin (if you can resist it that long!).

85g black treacle/molasses

200g golden/corn syrup

200g butter or margarine

85g soft brown sugar

100g medium oatmeal

250g self raising flour

1 tbsp ginger

1 tsp nutmeg

2 tsp cinnamon

1 egg

4 tbsp milk

*Heat oven to 160 degrees C/320 degrees F Line a 9" square cake tin, or a large loaf tin, with baking parchment.

*Melt the treacle, syrup, butter and sugar together in a pan over a gentle heat until sugar is dissolved. Remove from heat.

*Mix together the oatmeal, flour and spices in a large bowl, then stir in the syrup mixture. Beat together the egg and milk and add to the mixture. 

*Pour the batter into the tin and bake for 50 mins to an hour, until the cake feels firm and crusty on top. A skewer pushed into the cake should come out clean.

*Lift out of tin and allow to cool in the parchment. This cake gets better if you wait a few days before eating.  

Bonfire toffee

Please note you will need a sugar thermometer for this recipe and it may not be suitable for young children to help make. You can follow the recipe below to make a sheet of toffee and break it into chunks, but here its traditional to pour the mixture into small foil cupcake cases and add a popsicle stick as it cools to make a bonfire toffee lollypop. 

450g dark brown sugar

125ml/4 fl oz hot water 

1/4 tsp cream of tartar

115g golden/corn syrup

115g black treacle/molasses

* line a 8"x12" tin with non-stick parchment, and grease well with oil.

*add sugar and water to a heavy bottom pan and allow sugar to dissolve over a gentle heat. DO NOT STIR, tip the pan if you need to move the mixture around.

*weigh out the rest of the ingredients into a well greased jug. Once the sugar is dissolved pour the rest of the ingredients into the pan and add the thermometer. Try to avoid stirring the mixture to much.

*bring to the boil and keep boiling until mixture reaches 140 degrees C/270 degrees F. DO NOT LEAVE THE STOVE UNATTENDED. Once this temperature is reached, turn off the heat and pour the mixture into your tin to cool. 

*once completely cool break up the toffee with a hammer or rolling pin. This is a lot less messy if you put it into a bag first!

Cinder toffee

Cinder toffee is also known as honeycomb, it's lighter and easier to chew that bonfire toffee, and it's lovely mixed into ice cream or yogurt. 

5 tbsp golden/corn syrup

200g caster/superfine sugar

2 tsp bicarbonate of soda (baking soda, here in the US)

*grease an 8" square tin with butter. 

*Mix together the syrup and sugar in a DEEP pan and stir over gentle heat until melted. Try to avoid bubbles forming before the sugar is completely dissolved.

*turn up the heat slightly and simmer for a short time until the mixture has become amber caramel. Remove immediately from the heat and beat in the bicarb with a wooden spoon. This will cause the mixture to foam, hence the need for a deep pan. Make sure there are no lumps of bicarb remaining and pour the mixture into the square tin. BEWARE THIS IS VERY HOT!

*leave to cool. The mixture will continue to bubble for sometime, this is normal. Try not the disturb the pan as this may knock out some of the air. 

*once cool, break into chunks, or crumble and store in a jar for use as a dessert topping.

Savoury

The UK is sadly not famous for its native cuisine. It's not that our food is bad, its generally that we're bad at naming food, so no one else wants to try it in the first place!

Toad-in-the-Hole

I guarantee this recipe is 100% toad free. Well, it is if you buy your sausages from a reputable supplier. This recipe is unlikely to work with hot dogs or frankenfurter type sausages, use breakfast sausages instead.

4 good quality sausages

The Batter (this is also known as Yorkshire pudding and is amazing on it's own as well.)

   4 tbsp plain flour

   1/2 tsp salt

   2 beaten eggs

   275ml milk

   2-3 tbsp vegetable oil or goose fat

*Sieve the flour and and salt into a large bowl. May a well in the middle of the dry ingredients and gradually add the beaten eggs. Whisk in the milk until the batter has the consistency of single cream. Leave to stand for at least an hour, 3-4 hours if you have time. 

*Preheat the oven to 220c/425f/gas 7. Fry the sausages until browned on the outside.

*Put the oil or fat into a large deep sided oven tin and put into the oven until smoking hot. Give the batter a good stir and then quickly pour into the tin. This will sizzle and spit a bit! Drop in the sausages (even spaced but away from the edges) and return the pan to the oven. 

*Bake for 30 minutes until mix has risen into a glorious golden dish shaped cloud (it's normal for the edges to rise more than the middle). Serve with thick gravy and winter vegetables.

Rarebit

This is a simple Welsh recipe for a tasty and quick warming snack. You can vary this a lot by adding precooked meat/fish, switching the mustard for another sauce, or by change the vegetables for tomato or spinach. This serves 8.

Sliced bread

200g grated/shredded cheese

1 beaten egg

2 chopped scallions/spring onions

1 tsp Dijon mustard

*toast the bread under a grill until golden on one side. 

* Mix the remaining ingredients and spread over the untoasted side of the bread.

*return to the grill until cheese is bubbly and golden. Serve immediately. 

Baked potatoes

If you're being authentic and having a bonfire, the baked potatoes are a great post-fire snack to warm you up and soak up any booze you might have indulged in (please not play with fireworks whilst inebriated!).

*poke holes in your potatoes with a fork all over, smear with butter and wrap in two layers of tinfoil. 

*bury them in the embers of the bonfire and they should be ready in about an hour. 

*serve with baked beans and shredded/grated cheese.

Mum and Cat Mum Vyctoria Hart is based in the Yorkshire in the North of England, Vyctoria specializes in steampunk, science fiction and alternative illustration. She has provided images for a number of novels and paper-based roleplay games, as well as designing fabrics, t-shirts and greetings cards. You can find her work at Phantoms-Siren.com You can also check out some of her work on RedBubble, Folksy, DeviantArt and Spoonflower. And of course, you can read her words here at I Feel Delicious!

Playing In the Boys Playground: My Life as a Pro-Gamer

By Poisyn LaRue

Back in the late '80s, I was an only child. My parents did not live together. I lived with my mother, my aunt, an older (male, yes this matters) cousin and my maternal grandmother most of the time and would spend weekends with my paternal grandmother so I could spend time with my father. My weekends at my father's were what started my love of video games. He had an original Nintendo system with Duck Hunt. I'd play that for hours.

I still remember getting a Gameboy for Christmas and thinking it was the coolest thing ever. Later I got a Super Nintendo, Playstation 2, Gameboy Color and Xbox 360. For graduation, I bought myself a Nintendo DSlite. Now I'm saving up for a purple 3DS. But my console history isn't the point of this article. The point is how it FEELS to be a pro gamer who happens to have a vagina.


Most people who know me know I'm VERY passionate about my gaming. For the past seven years, I have been a pro-gamer on the Xbox 360. I started out in the PMS/H20 Clan. PMS was an all girls clan (H20 was their 'brother' clan) where a girl could (supposedly) game without harassment. I joined as a member of their Rhythm division (Rock Band 1&2 Expert Vocals/ Bassist). When the division became casual, due to lack of members, I moved on to Left4Dead 1&2. I quickly worked my way through the ranks, becoming a Practice Captain and eventually the Captain of "Team Omega", an MLG (Major League Gaming) Pro team.

 After being with the clan for nearly two years, I left due to a conflict of believes between myself and my superiors and the way things were run within the clan. After leaving the PMS/H20 clan, I was a 'free agent' on Battlefield Bad Company, Bad Company 2 and Battlefield 3. I bounced around until I was approached by a member of the eSaC (Elite Silent Assassins Clan). He had seen me play Battlefield 3 and was impressed and asked me to join him in Call of Duty: Black Ops 2. I had despised Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2, but I decided to give it a shot.

Tucked what I thought was safely behind my [eSaC] add on, I began my uphill onslaught into this strange new world. Players here were different. The men (a few woman, outside of PMS), I had encountered in my previous "careers" as a gamer had always been very well spoken. Most were my age. A majority of the people I play Battlefield with were my parent's age or even older. Now I was running into nine year old boys who were up at midnight on a school night and cursed like sailors. I pretty much ignored it, pushing along and learning the ropes. I received the acolyte of "One Shot, One Kill" as a sniper (100 headshots with 100 bullets), even though I still prefer being a "run and gun" type with a LSAT or T25. I'm a Sergeant of Squad 1, Captain of the (fledgling) Female Division and the Military Liaison directly to the General. If six people (the standard squad size) with the [eSaC] enter a room, sometimes the room empties out. We're good. And we are recognized as good.
But sometimes I'm playing alone. The [eSaC] does not "protect" me then. At those times, I am just a girl in a sea of testosterone. Normally I'll mute everyone, but not before the steams of "I'm gonna rape you" or "Get back in the kitchen" start. I have had people send me messages about how they are going to find out where I live and come "put me in my place". Which according to them is either in the kitchen or on my knees. They get more mad when go positive (having a kill/death ration greater than 1). They automatically assume I have an aimbot (which assists you in aiming down the sights of a gun) or are hacking (manipulation of the game in a way to make a person harder/impossible to hit, earn scorestreaks faster, or have unlimited ammo). I've been told to "give my boyfriend back his headset" since there was no WAY a girl just head shot that guy across the map. If you can think of an insult, I have been on the receiving end of it.

I guess I could just ignore it, but why should I have to? Why is it necessary to berate me simply because I am female? On that token, how can the assume I am female. Because of my gamer tag? Because my voice is a higher octave then those around me (although I have been called a twelve year old boy who needed to 'get his tip wet' before he tried to play with the big boys. I went 24 and 0 on that round. I think I 'got my tip wet').

It is only a game, right? Well, no, it is not 'just a game'. MLG holds tournaments where hundreds of thousands (and sometimes millions) of dollars are at stake. I can understand how that would make people more competitive, but why does it have to make them downright rude? Why is it so hard for gamers to have the same standards as, say, sports players? When was the last time you went to a high school sports game and heard the players yelling at each other what they were going to do to whose mother and telling the cheerleaders to go back in the kitchen. I don't think it is something I have EVER experienced, and I went to a lot of games in high school (not truly by choice, I was in school band and on color guard). Maybe it is about time to accept that I am playing hardball with people who seem to be unable to respect me simply because I am a girl.

No. I do not think I am going to accept that. Instead I am going to keep kicking ass and taking names. I will just keep falling into lobbies and dominating all those there. I will stick with my team, working our way up the ladders of MLG until we are 'famous'. Call of Duty: Ghosts drops next week, hell yeah I am getting it. And I will kick ass at that too!

Visit the [eSaC] at www.esassassins.com (now recruiting (especially my fellow bad ass women!)


Madame Poisyn LaRue is a self-described "square peg in a round hole." She has an Associates of Science in Visual Communications and is pursuing her Associate of the Arts in Theater with a minor in Music. Although she's at home on the stage, she's just as comfortable under the hood of a Chevy, covered in oil and grease but still wearing 5" heels. You can follow the Madame on Facebook or at her website and of course, here on I Feel Delicious! 

Putting Your Mustache to Good Use: An Interview with Miss Movember, Jeanette Martin

By Caitlin Seida

Jeanette Martin, used with permission

The human body is a weird thing - sometimes we're given features we really would rather not have. Some women regularly pluck stray hairs from our bodies. But too many "cysters" (women with PCOS) know the pain that comes of being cursed with the ability to grow a lush beard or mustache that would be the envy of many a man. Not every woman with PCOS has unwanted facial hair, but for those that do it can be embarrassing, sometimes to the point of making it hard to leave the house without being on the verge of tears.

One cyster is standing up and kicking ass and using what Mother Nature gave her for the power of good. Jeanette Wilson-Martin, 32, of Bremerton, WA is doing exactly that. Last year Jeanette committed to growing out her facial hair for Movember, a movement that encourages men to grow out their facial hair in the month of November to raise funds and awareness for prostate and testicular cancer and other men's health issues. And she's doing it again this year.

" I heard about Movember on our local radio station the put out a call for any woman who would be willing to grow a mustache for Movember," she says. She reached out to them and joined their team. "A few weeks earlier my (now) husband was watching football, and I noticed all the pink for breast cancer awareness...I figured if they can wear pink I can wear my mustache!"

Jeanette's struggle with polycystic ovarian syndrome is a story that rings true for many cysters. Jeanette tells us "I was 22 when I was finally diagnosed with PCOS, but my symptoms started showing at 16 along with puberty." Since symptoms are different for every woman, she elaborated and explained some of the other issues she has to contend with on a daily basis: "I have the facial hair and excessive body hair, weight gain, and depression, I have fertility issues. I have been borderline diabetic." She says she's been lucky with the borderline diabetes, but managed to develop gestational diabetes when pregnant with her daughter.

And her daughter - so lucky to have a mom who is unafraid to be who she is and show her beautiful

Jeanette Martin and her daughter, used with permission.

face to the world, is something of a miracle. As with many PCOS women, the fertility issues experienced made it hard for Jeanette to bring her vivacious and wonderful daughter into the world. "My daughter was my 7th pregnancy, and the only one to make it past 6 months along." My heart broke for Jeanette when she told me this - pregnancy loss is never easy, and can really do a number on your life when you have a diagnosis that basically says your body will do all sorts of things that aren't "textbook normal" - it's frustrating to no end when your body does not behave the way it's supposed to.

"I was on over 100 days of bed rest and had to go to UW in Seattle to have her, I went into labor 3 times with my daughter, and the final time, she was 5 and a half weeks early. I was life flighted from Bremerton to have her in Seattle." Like mother like daughter, Jeanette's little girl was a fighter from the start. "The two times I went into labor before this, they gave me steroids to strengthen her lungs and get her ready if they couldn't stop my labor, so when she came we were prepared for the worst and got the best anyone could have expected. She was 4 lbs 7 oz, 17.5 inches long, and was very close to perfectly healthy, she had a few issues keeping her body heat, and eating, but we only stayed 4 days in the hospital and i was able to bring her home."

For women with PCOS who have fertility issues, Jeanette's story is a beacon of hope. Many women with PCOS, especially those who are diagnosed later in life or don't have access to proper medical care but want a family, have an incredibly hard time starting one.
Speaking of access to medical care, I asked Jeanette what her doctors were doing to help her. Many of the symptoms of polycystic ovarian syndrome are invisible - the cysts, the insulin resistance, the depression, but those that are visible like the weight gain around the middle and the hair problems are the only indicator to the world that there's a problem. Treatment of PCOS usually consists of working with different medications to correct the insulin resistance and mediate the hormonal imbalance that causes the signs and symptoms of the syndrome.

"I am uninsured at the moment and have not seen a doctor since shortly after my daughter was born," says Jeanette, a story that is again all-too-familiar to many American women.  "When I did have a regular doctor, they put me on metformin (Glucophage) and (hormonal) birth control." Like PCOS, which is not a one-size-fits-all disorder, the standard course of treatment did not work for Jeanette. "The metformin made my sugars drop and scared me because I am not diabetic, and the birth control did not help the facial hair as they thought it would." Again, a frustration that many cysters know firsthand. It can take a long time to find the right combination of things to mitigate the symptoms of the disorder.  

As for her now iconic mustache, I asked Jeanette if she'd ever tried to get rid of it. She says: "I have had every treatment for my hair that I can think of: laser, electrolysis, waxing, and now I just shave every day." True to the I Feel Delicious motto, Jeanette doesn't let her facial hair stop her from trying to feel and look her best.

"I like to play up the features I like about myself, I do crazy colors and bold eyes," she says of her beauty routine. "I try to dress for my body type, and not the body type I wish I had, and be comfortable." She offers this advice for other PCOS sufferers with the same problem:  "You gotta work with what you have; find your strengths, and highlight those."

She doesn't just try her best to look good, but also feel good. "I am not really a fitness kinda person," Jeanette says. But as new moms know, we get a lot of physical activity whether we want to or not. " I guess my favorite exercise is running after my two year old!" And with a firecracker like Jeanette for a mom, I'm sure that keeps her busy 24 hours a day!  

"I do try to eat a home cooked balanced dinner every night." Jeanette tells us, making me wish I could ask for an invite to dinner because my cooking skills are horrid and I admire her dedication to making sure her family gets proper nutrition. We're all only human though, and Jeanette confesses that she, her husband and daughter eat out once a month. No harm in having a treat now and then, and Jeanette says it's mostly when they're on the go and away from home. I hate the fact that Jeanette feels the need to justify a meal out, but sadly many PCOS sufferers do feel a need to explain their dietary choices, even though it is nobody's business but their own and their doctors'.

Jeanette at the Movember gala, used with permission

Becoming Miss Movember hasn't been the easiest thing in the world and Jeanette faced her own share of cyberbullies when she first participated in 2012. "On a few websites some of the comments did get pretty mean, but every time I was about to defend myself I would see many post from others defending me, and saying how brave I was, it seemed for every negative there was a lot more positive," she tells us. Maybe there's a little faith in humanity, because unlike my own story, Jeanette mentions "I even had some (people) apologize for their remarks, and they took the time to read about PCOS, and they learned a little."
The participants in Movember made Jeanette feel welcome though - despite the fact that she's not the gender of the typical participant. "When I was nominated for Miss Movember, I had to get on stage and next to some fairly thin, very pretty girls, but I did it, and the crowd roared for me, and accepted me for me, it was the most awesome feeling."

And as for her family's thoughts on her growing out her mustache for a good cause? "My husband

Jeanette and her husband, used with permission.

was super supportive. He did Movember with me last year and now this year too, but tries to get everyone to donate and see my page, and encourages me to keep going when
it gets a little long, and the stares start coming."

Although last year was only the first year Jeanette participated in Movember, she's doing it again this year (2013) and says she plans to do continue doing so. "I have said I will keep growing my Mustache out until I reach $1000, in a single Movember." After that? "I will still participate just not grow."

Despite garnering some overwhelming attention from both the press and the public at large, Jeanette says it's been a pretty positive experience. "Last year at the Seattle gala I won Miss Movember, and became the first woman to ever win Man of Movember," a pretty big achievement! In today's society of pink ribbons and breast cancer support, it's not uncommon to hear of men sporting pink apparel or "Save the TaTas" t-shirts, championing for what is typically considered a "woman's disease" (despite breast cancer's insidious ability to affect anyone, regardless of gender.)  But rarely do you hear of a woman becoming a figurehead for men's health and testicular and prostate cancer - possibly because the causes don't get nearly as much attention as breast cancer or possibly because women just don't think it's of their concern.  

I would not hesitate to call Jeanette a role model, and she would be someone I would be very proud to have my own daughter of a similar age look to for inspiration. When asked what she would like to tell her daughter, Jeanette says: "Every person is beautiful, and different, and to embrace your uniqueness. I was given a curse, and for many years, I hated my facial hair, and would walk around with my head down hoping no one would notice, but then I heard opportunity knocking and a chance to use this as a gift and make my negative into a positive."

"So many people said I was brave, but really I was more afraid than I was willing to show, and if it helps just one person to look and the mirror and see something different then what everyone has told them to see, it was and is worth it." I think Jeanette has more than accomplished her goal - from those who apologized for their cyber harassment to those who took the time to learn a little more about PCOS to those who have donated to her Movember campaign, she's making a BIG difference in the world. And for all the girls and women ashamed of their facial hair, Jeanette is showing that you can still be beautiful, even with your mustache. This strong and, yes, courageous woman is beautiful both inside AND out.
You can donate to Jeanette's campaign to raise funds for Movember here at her "MoSpace" page. Let's see if we can try to help her reach her $1,000 goal! Caitlin Seida has been writing since 2006, with her work appearing on various websites including Livestrong.com, TypeF.com, Salon.com, Dogster.com and The Daily Puppy. A Jill-of-All-Trades, she splits her workday as a writer, humane society advocate and on-call vet tech. What little free time she has goes into pinup modeling, advocating for self-acceptance, knitting and trying to maintain her haunted house (really!). You can find her on Facebook, on Twitter, and of course here on I Feel Delicious!