Another reason to love and adore Amanda Palmer

This letter was written Oct 3rd, but I just now ran across it. I thought it was worth sharing.
Enjoy ~ Terri Jean



an open letter to sinéad o’connor, re: miley cyrus.

Dear Sinéad,

I love you. I grew up worshipping your music and your bold attitude and, especially, your refusal to sign up to the bullshit beauty standard. You were one of the few women rockstars that was clearly doing things her own way, and you inspired me to no end. I want to thank you for doing that. I listened to your stunning voice and your true, deep lyrics endlessly on my walkman, flipping the tape again, and again, then again, then again…and I know those ingredients still live and breathe inside me every time I write a song of my own. You shaped me.

I read your letter to Miley Cyrus this morning and I wanted to write back to you. I’m writing this on my cell phone in a plane on the way to Dallas, TX to play a benefit tonight for a group called Girls Rock Dallas…a local group that empowers young girls to become brave musicians. The timing is pretty wonderful and I want to talk to them all tonight about Miley and your letter.         Continued...

Mean Girls Suck (cause they're self esteem parasites!)

Way back in the day, I was teased by the “mean girls.”

It was 6^th grade. I was the tallest girl in school – coming in at almost 5’9” at 12 years old.  Luckily in 7^th grade and beyond, a few female classmates would surpass me, but in the 6^th grade, it was just me. For that year I was known as Too Tall Terri.

I also blossomed into a full B-cup when only myself and another girl, this Amy chick, who made me show her my boobs in the girls bathroom in front of (what seemed like hundreds, but was only about 5) of my female classmates. I flashed them, proving that my bra was absent of stuffing -- but that, of course didn’t stop them from continuing to tell others that they weren’t real.  

The oddest insult, though, was with my teeth. They were, as my dentist once put it, “as straight as a ruler.” I was accused on filing them. And by accused I mean, tormented. Girls brought in nail files, wood files, and even metal files and put them on my desk, directing me to use them while they watched. It got weird. Really weird. Lucky for me I had an even weirder sense of humor and an oddly mature sense of self – because even though I did not like these girls and they tried their hardest to hurt my feelings, I shook my head at the thought of them actually believing that my greatest assets were faults. With my super long legs and (what seemed like huge) boobs, I walked away from those mean girls with a laugh that showed my great pearly white perfect smile. 

Now it’s my granddaughter’s turn. She’s 12 and bullies are attacking her for her perfectly wonderful shape. She has her mama’s curvy figure – one that women twice her age are paying good money to cosmetically copy. Accusations are flying out of the mouths of the Middle School mean girls, but this time they come with a twist. My darling girl is charged with stuffing her rear and chest with silicon rather than toilet paper, and of course they added something my classmates didn’t think of until High School – that because of the granddaughter’s shape, she must be some type of slut. 

Middle school is an awkward time for a lot of girls. Everyone wants to fit in, and the girls who often want it the most become an easy target for those who look for a face in the crowd that will respond to their eye rolls, nasty comments, and group-assisted bullying with tears and shame. Us adults… we wipe away those tears and tell the sobbing kids that the bullies are usually children who are being bullied at home, or they are just lashing out because they have no confidence. But really, that doesn’t help, because when you’re being put down, the very last thing you want to do is emphasize with the bitch who’s verbally assaulting you. I sure as hell didn’t!

I think kids today have seen enough documentaries and public service commercials to have a basic gist of why researches and doctors think some kids bully. They know that it could be a bad home environment, being picked on by older siblings, or they don’t like who they are. But honestly, does that really help make the kid who’s being shamed in front of a group of their peers feel better? Nope. Because kids live in the moment. And in that very moment, all they see is a person who has power over their emotions --- and it really, really sucks.

So what was so different about me? How could I walk away? It was simple: I told myself their opinion didn’t matter, until it really and honestly didn’t matter.

I know that seems like an impossible feat, but honestly, it can be done. And it all started when I was in elementary school.

I was raised right next to my grandpa’s store. People I liked, didn’t like, didn’t trust, and even hated came into the store all the time. Grandpa told me that every person was a costumer, and I had to pretend like I liked them (or face banishment from the establishment). I liked the store. It smelled like Grandma  and had free candy, so I opted to stay. It was difficult at first – to smile at someone who was not nice to me in school. But the “fake it until you make it” advice of one of grandpa’s employees helped me to get the hang of it. He said to pretend like I was in a movie, and just ACT like I’m being nice to them. So I did it. I smiled. I opened the door. I was polite. And eventually, they smiled back. 

By Middle School I was pretty good at pretending. I actually created a character who didn’t care what people thought, or what they said, or if they were making ridiculous accusations about my legs (that I stretched them out at night on some medieval torture device) or my boobs (that I stuffed them with water balloons). This character walked away laughing, shaking her head, mumbling how absurd these girls were. My character said things like “In order for your opinions of me to matter, YOU would have to matter TO me. And you don’t.” My character was far cooler than my real self, and I liked her. A lot.

Funny thing is, that character and I eventually meshed as one by the time I was going into High School. I faked it until it became real. I had developed an attitude that was bully-proof. I honestly did not give a rats ass what these country classmates thought of me. I was still being teased – this time because I was a published writer, President of the Students Against Driving Drunk chapter, and wrote for the school paper.  I was a nerd… a mouse… a weirdo. Fashion labels really mattered at my high school, so the fact that I didn’t care about name-brand clothing or the latest fashion (and I loved dressing as Annie Hall, wearing my grandfather’s pants and ties) earned me the “poor trash” title. And I didn’t go out every weekend and binge drink, so that of course made me the “Nerdy poor trash boring weird girl.” Needless to say, I don’t think I was all that popular. But, I also didn’t care. And I think that confused many of them… so much so, that my turn at being bullied was always cut short.



I didn’t respect them as peers, and I didn’t respond to their belittling and ignorant accusations, therefore there was no peer pressure or bullying. And it really was that simple. 

And in the end, I was right. I can look back now with an adult perspective and see that all those Mean Girls were never important to me then, nor are they now. I’m a published author, an activist, a photographer, a mother, a grandmother, and some would even say a community leader. I have an incredibly fulfilling life full of meaningful friendships, achievements, and true happiness. I look at those who tormented myself and others and see a lot of broken marriages, dead-end jobs, and bitching on Facebook. Not one of those Middle School Mean Girls have a life I would exchange for my own. 

Recent comment from former classmate via Facebook

 But I still use the “Fake it till you Make it” philosophy, and I encourage others to as well. One thing I have learned is that if they can’t get under your skin, they’ll eventually stop picking. They want victims, and if you aren’t one, well… then what fun are you?

Want another visual? Think of it this way:  Mean Girls are parasites who feed off the inner turmoil of others. The only defense against them is to slather on a shield of self-love – whether real or faked – and pretend like their sick and twisted lies don’t hurt. Once they realize they can’t cut through your thick skin, they’ll stop trying to bore inside your self-confidence. And that’s when you’ve crushed them. That’s when you’ve won.

Thanks for listening!

~ Terri Jean

Picture your Mean Girl as a Parasite. Don't let her BUG you!

Found this online. Thought I'd share.

Playing in the Boys' Playground: Mommy's Little Monster

By Poisyn LaRue

When I was growing up, my mother (bless her heart) did EVERYTHING in her power to make me a little girly girl. Frilly dresses, Barbie dolls, you name it. If it was marketed to girls in my age group, I had it. I did the dance classes and attended the Catholic schools. My mother spent thousands (if not millions) of dollars that she didn't really have to ensure I would grow up into a fine young lady.

And what did she get?

A race car building, video game playing, card carrying member of the NRA that you literally have

Mdme. Poisyn with her daughter

to BRIBE to get into a dress (I have an understanding with skirts: If it's short enough to possibly pass for a belt and over top amazing tights, we can talk). So maybe I didn't turn out like my mother wanted. But she still says I turned out pretty well.

It's pretty funny; I used to think I belonged in the crazy house until after my daughter was born. I always felt like an outcast among girls my age, mostly because I'd rather be under the hood of an old Chevy than wandering around the mall for hours on end. That really didn't change much after I became a mom, except now I had a little set of hands to reach into the engine bay to retrieve tools or a screw that had escaped. Don't get the wrong idea, my little girl is pretty well rounded. She has dolls, even if they're mostly from the "Monster High" franchise. She'll wear a dress a lot easier than I will, but she won't hesitate to climb up a tree and show the world her "baby butt" if I'm not careful. She likes zombies and video games, but she also likes dancing and  My Little Pony.

1997 Chevy Cavalier Z24 - The Purple Monster

But if you ask her what her favorite thing is, you'll get a pretty straight answer. "Mommy's little purple monster". Ya'll probably looking at me like I'm crazy thinking "What in God's name is this little girl talking about?" My purple monster was the first car my little girl ever was old enough to have a truly "hands on" approach with.  She was bought in 2012, when my daughter was five. I picked up the stock 1997 Chevrolet Cavalier Z24 for just under $2,000. My little girl helped me shop for it and picked it out because it was my favorite color, purple (dark mulberry metallic with red flake, for the car nerds following).

Over the course of 6 months, my daughter learned how to install coilovers (to replace the stock suspension) and lower a car. We swapped the stock sixteen inch rims for eighteens with thin wall tires. We also painted those eighteens sky blue. She learned how to install a stereo system, speakers, cold air intake, new headlights and tail lights. On top of all this was the daily maintenance, like oil changes and spark plugs. She helped me every step of the way, never once did I chase her inside. It was great to see her face light up when we went to car shows or the track with the "monster". It may have only been "just a Cavalier", but to me and my daughter it was a project worth having. Now she gets excited when I talk about our next "project", a 1999 Sunvalier that we're gathering parts for.

So maybe being under the hood of a car isn't normal "mother/daughter bonding", but it works for us.

Madame Poisyn LaRue is a self-described "square peg in a round hole." She has an Associates of Science in Visual Communications and is pursuing her Associate of the Arts in Theater with a minor in Music. Although she's at home on the stage, she's just as comfortable under the hood of a Chevy, covered in oil and grease but still wearing 5" heels. You can follow the Madame on Facebook or at her website and of course, here on I Feel Delicious! 

Eight Tips for Sneaking In Exercise When You Really Don’t Have the Time

By Caitlin Seida

I've heard tales of rare and mythical creatures who love to exercise and have seemingly unlimited time to get it done during the day. I don't think I've ever met one, but I'm sure they do exist. I, personally, am not one of them.

So what's a girl to do when she's busy but needs to stay in shape? Sneaks in exercise in bursts. Five minutes here, ten minutes there, a couple minutes before bed - it all adds up and you can build up to the recommended 30 to 60 minutes a day of exercise you should be getting, according to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services

Photo Copyright Jessica Lucia, Used Under Creative Commons License

So how do you do it? Here's some ideas:

1. Do Squats While Brushing Your Teeth
Proper tooth brushing techniques take about two minutes and you should be doing it at least twice a day. That's four minutes of time where you're staring into your bathroom mirror and making goofy faces at yourself. Use those two minute chunks of time to get in as many squat repetitions as is safely possible. Squats are resistance exercises that use your own body weight to work your quadricep and hamstring muscles. Strengthening them can help protect your knees - a great benefit!
Here's a video demonstrating proper squat techniques:



2. Work Your Arms While Doing Laundry Laundry - we've all got to do it and I don't think anyone likes it. You have to lift the laundry into the basket, lift the basket and carry it to your laundry area, lift the clothes into the machine, wait for a while and then transfer them from the machine to the dryer. That in and of itself is a lot of work, right? Use the weight from the laundry (wet laundry is heavier than dry) to do some quick reps to trick yourself into giving your arm muscles a workout.

Exercise your arms and shoulders by using the laundry basket in place of a barbell - a seated shoulder press, as demonstrated here, allows you to sit while you contemplate which detergent to use. You can also use the laundry basket to do a standing barbell curl, as demonstrated here. 

3. Practice Your Ballet Barre Technique While Doing The Dishes 
I'm a big fan of ballet exercises - they help build long, lean muscles, improve flexibility and core stability and they improve your balance big time. Doing the dishes can take a long time - sneak in some releves, rond de jambes, tendus and plies while you're scrubbing.





4. Create a Cardio Housework Blast
Vacuum, mop the floor, scrub the bathtub, clean the toilet - but do it all at a pace that gets your heart pumping. Dance while you do it - nobody's watching. Get your heart rate elevated and keep it that way by working at a break neck speed - as a bonus, your housework will get done quicker, too.

Copyright Jason Jones, Used Under Creative Commons License

Copyright Gabrielle Marks, Used Under Creative Commons License

5. Make Multiple Trips
Gotta go upstairs to get your laptop, phone and MP3 player? Make a separate trip for each item. Even if you live in a one story house, walk each item to its intended room individually. Sure, it takes a little extra time but every extra step you take counts towards your goal. Baby steps will get you there just as surely as leaps and bounds.

Copyright THOR. Used Under Creative Commons License

6. Park farther away from the door
Everybody wants that prime parking spot right in front of work or the store - pass it up and let someone else have an easy day. Instead, opt to park farther away and walk to your destination. Again - it all adds up to your goal.

Copyright Vick the Viking. Used Under a Creative Commons License.

7. Take the Stairs
Yeah, everybody knows this piece of advice and nobody likes to hear it, but it bears repeating. Ignore the elevator, ignore the escalator, leave your space age jetpack at home. Take the stairs. It'll get your heart pumping and count toward your daily fitness goal. The more you take the stairs, the easier it gets - eventually you'll stop huffing and puffing when you reach the top. I promise!



8. Play.
Remember when you were a kid and your mom sent you out of the house for the afternoon? Everything was a playground - the entire world was new and exciting and there were opportunities to play wherever you looked. Let your inner child out for a bit and just go play. Climb trees, rake leaves and jump in the pile, dig holes in the dirt, roll down hills - a little bit of play is good for your body AND your mind

Copyright Walt Stoneburner. Used Under Creative Commons License

How do you sneak exercise into your daily routine? Leave us a comment and let us know. 

Caitlin Seida has been writing since 2006, with her work appearing on various websites including Livestrong.com, TypeF.com, Salon.com, Dogster.com and The Daily Puppy. A Jill-of-All-Trades, she splits her workday as a writer, humane society advocate and on-call vet tech. What little free time she has goes into pinup modeling, advocating for self-acceptance, knitting and trying to maintain her haunted house (really!). You can find her on Facebook, on Twitter, and of course here on I Feel Delicious!

Trying to stay positive when the world’s being a bitch

No my friends, it’s not your imagination: folks really be crazy right now.

From this past Oct 21st  until November 10th, you might notice an increase in assholes, gossips, douchebags, bitches and passive aggressive assailants. And in all honesty, you might feel like one too.

Why? Because the Universe is running ass-backwards and you, my darlings, have entered into the world of the dreaded Mercury Retrograde. 

If you have no idea what I mean, then gather ‘round for today’s science lesson…. 

You see, all the planets move in the same direction around the sun, each at a different rate of speed. Our orbit takes 365 days while Mercury is only 88 – which means, approximately 4 orbits of Mercury around the Sun equals 1 Earth year.

Three (sometimes four) times a year, Mercury appears to slow down, stop, and then move backwards. Why? Because Mercury is traveling faster than Earth, and it periodically catches up and then passes us by. When this happens, it looks like Mercury is traveling backwards or  “retrograding.” Eventually it will appear normal again - as though it’s moving forward. 

Retrogrades lasts about three weeks and during this time when Mercury is taking its turn, crazy things happen in relation to communication, technology, transportation, and our own emotions and intellect. We may experience problems with self-expression, vehicles, squabbling, travel and technology. We tend to lose things, send texts to the wrong people, realize bills haven’t been paid online, make inappropriate comments, and lose important computer files. There seems to be more gossip, minor accidents, long lines of impatient people and delays in travel. We may feel confused, foggy, frustrated, impatient, irritable and even angry – sometimes for no reason! And while many of us may feel a little off, there are a few that tend to go bat-shit crazy!

So here we are, fellow Earthlings – in this retrograde together. It’s effecting our emotions, our partnerships, and how we treat each other. We are all on a collective emotional roller coaster, and if we’re not careful, we just may make a decision now that we’ll regret once this planetary curse runs its course.

So what do we do?  First, identify the myriad of issues that could surface during this time, such as:

              There might be communication issues. Does it seem like you’re playing a lot of phone tag, or you can’t get a message to someone when you need them? Maybe information is getting messed up as it travels from one person to another, or emails are not being received. Be sure to double check all communications – especially if it’s important – and it’s best to avoid gossiping at this time, as it might come back around to bite you in the ass.

         Are you feeling frustrated, anxious or frazzled? These problems often arise from our bungled travel plans, sputtering vehicles, buggy devises, and all the delays and long lines that slow us down. Keep an eye out for crazy drivers, accidents, and bad directions. Also back up all your computer files and leave out early in case you’re delayed.

               Do you feel like a spaz? Maybe you keep losing things, your brain seems foggy, you are forgetting tasks, or you can’t seem to get your work done. You may also feel clumsy, unfocused, and indecisive. Yep, it could be Mercury. And if you suddenly have a bout of insomnia – oh yes.. it might be the the fault of this mighty planet. If all this is new or exaggerated, give it a few weeks. It might go away.

          Are the people in your life driving you crazy? Do they seem quarrelsome, angry, or frustrated? Maybe they’re suddenly unreliable, irritable, or instigating bizarre fights for what seems like no reason? Wait it out. Their insanity might be temporary.

                 Are you walking down memory lane? Suddenly feel an urge to find that long-lost third grade boyfriend and trade in your current love? Put that on hold till after November 10^th. There’s a good chance you’ll end up regretting that decision.

Now that you are keeping an eye out for the potential problems, it’s important to keep everything in perspective. There is a chance it’s just the mischievous Mercury causing issues, and the issues will resolve themselves sometime after the 10^th of November. So if your BFF is acting all bitchy and hurtful, take a wait-and-see attitude. If they continue to be a bitch after the 10^th, then you know it’s them and not a planetary influence. Or if you suddenly decide to break up with your life partner because they looked at you a little funny, postpone your decision until after the 10^th to see if that desire subsides. Lastly, if you feel like you’re in a rut and need a change, it’s not the best time to chop all your hair off, quit your job and become a full-time artist.

Trust me.

What else should you avoid doing at this time? 

1.      Don’t sign important documents, buy a new computer, appliances, TV or vehicle.

2.      Don’t rush. Drive, speak and travel slowly. Always have a back-up plan.

3.      Don’t make any important life decisions (break ups, buying a house, starting a new job, marriage, filing a lawsuit, going on a blind date, etc.)

4.      Don’t take anything for granted. Express gratitude.

5.      Expect long lines, lots of change, small mishaps, and catty people. And know that all of this will soon pass.

So now that you’re good and scared, what are some POSITVE activities to engage in while you’re riding this crazy wave? Well, believe it or not, there’s quite a few. It’s actually the perfect time to do the following:  

                 Get reacquainted with old friends. You may notice bumping into old friends that you haven’t seen in years, or getting a Facebook friend request from a person you were recently thinking of. This is a wonderful time to seek out friends yourself, and possibly turn an old chum into a new chum.      

           Bury the hatchet. Have a relationship that needs mending? This is the perfect time to forgive and forget. And after the 10^th, continue the forgiving and forgetting.

                  Finish those projects! Complete projects you’ve put on the back burner, or tie up loose ends with people, contracts, or tasks you’ve been procrastinating.

                  Get organized! This is the perfect time to clean out your closet, give your home a thorough cleaning, move around the furniture, or wash all your rugs, curtains, blankets and carpets.

                  Anything with “re” as a prefix. Reapply for that job, review your bank account, reread those contracts, research your family tree, repair your car, recheck your travel plans, and redo your hair color. And most importantly, relax and pamper yourself!

So what’s the best advice to get you through this cautionary tale? Basically it’s this: shit happens. And it’s going to happen to you, and to your friends, and to everyone around you. Laugh at the cosmic joke and try not to take everything personally. Use this crazy time for good and focus (all that you can) on finishing projects and slowing down. Pay attention to your surroundings, and forgive those who trespass against you. Just because the world is crazy doesn’t mean that you have to succumb to it too. Perhaps, instead, you should put your energy into random acts of kindness and improving your karma. Once the 10^th passes and the world is right again, it’ll come in handy… ‘cause most likely, you pissed someone off too.

Thanks for listening!

~ Terri Jean

Respectful Relationships

By Barbara Alvarez 

There’s being respected in the relationships you have with others – family, friends, coworkers, supervisors and your significant other. Every coin has two sides. The “respectful relationships” coin is no different. The other (negative) side of the coin is one filled with disrespect, bullying and outright abuse. Let’s talk.

Family

Copyright Life Mental Health, used under Creative Commons 2.0

Your siblings are your first friends. You play, fight and get along with them. Personalities from sibling to sibling differ, with some being more assertive while others are more shy.

If you are a shy sibling, it’s likely your brothers or sisters have figured this out. “Hey, let’s thump her! She won’t tattle.” THUMP! And off you go, fighting tears and massaging a sore noggin. Maybe you’re the assertive one and you jump all over your shy sibling. Either way, it doesn't feel good.

Friends

When you get together with your friends, your interactions, decisions and activities follow a familiar pattern. Some of you make the choices about activities while the rest of you shrug, sometimes with your usual good nature and you go along. “Sure,” you say. “A movie sounds good. I really don’t care. Whatever you guys want to do.” Your lack of assertiveness can soon backfire on you, as your friends begin taking advantage of you.

Coworkers

Copyright World Bank Photo Collection Used Under Creative Commons 2.0

At work, you get along with some of your coworkers. You like them and hang out with them on breaks and at lunch. Other coworkers, you've learned to avoid because they just seem to have a constant chip on their shoulders, or they have learned they can shift their work over to you – and you won’t say anything.

Supervisors

Supervisors? Yes. While they are above you in the food chain, they should still treat you respectfully. Maybe they do, even if they do seem a bit...standoffish or distant.

Or maybe they figured out pretty quickly that they can take out their bad moods on you, swear at you when nobody else is around and, in general, make life miserable for you.

Copyright flickr.com/zoetnet Used under Creative Commons

Significant Others

This relationship has the most potential to destroy you if it’s an unhealthy one. Because your boyfriend – or girlfriend, if you’re lesbian – has become so emotionally and physically intimate with you, every negative interaction, word and action can destroy your self-image. Disrespectful relationships can too easily become violent, abusive ones. Let’s talk about respecting ourselves so others will respect us.

Developing Respect

You can’t be treated with respect until you've learned to treat yourself with respect. That means asserting your rights, choices and your decision to be treated right. Sure, you may think, “Well, of course I want to be treated right!”

Copyright Zen Sutherland, used under Creative Commons License

Thinking isn't action. Not until you've learned how to non-verbally communicate your good feelings about yourself to others. Once you've learned how to do this, it’s time to start communicating to others, “I won’t be mistreated any more. If you want to spend time with me, treat me right.” Communicate specifically how you will and won’t be treated. Go through this process with everyone in your circle. If anyone you associate with refuses to treat you right, cut them out of your life until they decide to change. Remember, you are a person of worth and beauty. Communicate this and expect others to start treating you with the respect due you.

Barbara Alvarez earned her journalism and mass communications degree in December, 2006 and has been writing professionally since that time.

Alvarez has written and self-published two books, one non-fiction and one fiction. The non-fiction is intended for a military spouse niche. This book is written under a pen name: Diana M. Lopez.

The fiction is intended for anyone who loves to read about strong men and stronger women who confront conflict even as they learn to adjust their beliefs about relationships and love.

Alvarez plans to write until she is very old – it is in her blood, along with crochet and cross stitch. She is the mother of two grown sons.

You can keep up with Barbara at her website, or follow her on Facebook.  Of course you can also keep an eye out here for more of her work on I Feel Delicious!